DD is starting school in September, but isn't toilet trained.

[BarkingMad12]

Hi. Not sure what to do. DD isn't toilet trained yet, we haven't rushed it at all and did wait until she showed signs, but she never did so we have slowly started trying more and more but it isn't going great. I'm worried as she's closer and closer to going to school.

Do I tell them? If so, when? Also, is she allowed to go? Even though she isn't trained? Advice would be great

I used the Oh Crap book (recommended by friends) and trained DS1 at 2.5 within a few days. It was a lot of effort but not for long. Most of his friends trained between 2 and 3 and I don't think any of them are in nappies now except for sleep. We used a potty for the first few days and then a toilet seat on the normal toilet or a potette plus when travelling. Nursery were very supportive.

He now takes himself to the toilet at nursery (needs a bit of help wiping) but is accompanied at home as the toilet is upstairs. He's also started doing standing up wees if we're out and about without the potette plus - he's freaked out by big toilets without a toddler seat and is tall enough to stand up and wee.

I was really intimidated by starting potty training but once I focused and committed it was easier than I expected.

And the jumping thing is bollocks. DS has been trained for nearly a year and only just started jumping with both feet in the last couple of months

And we didn't use bribery or rewards - using the toilet is normal behaviour expected behaviour after all.

Don't fret! DS still wasn't fully confident with using the toilet when he started reception, but it wasn't an issue. His body sort of adapted and he became a before or afterschool poo-er,and rarely needed the toilet for anyrhing other than a wee for a long time (still does in Y3)

neither of mine showed "signs"

sometimes kids never do. if you spend your life waiting fir these "signs" you'd never do anything half the time.

she's nearly 4

there's no reason why she won't get it if you just get on with it. none of this "not rushing/pushing it" stuff

these things aren't optional they need to be done and you can't really know if there are issues unless you give things a good go. not half heartedly.

if it turns out there are major problems.that need dealing with , if you start properly now, you still have time to seek.help.in the holidays.

but befire you start worrying about it, just give it a try properly first.

don't cave in with nappies (night time different obviously )

pull ups may be necessary out and about but I'd try to stay in for few days, it's warm.so she can still run about the garden in her knickers or even naked..

most of all don't stress about it. we have all.been.there amd done that with accidents. but really it can often be over with very quickly.

good luck. and as I said. you have 2 months so don't panic just yet.

Oh I always called pull ups "going out pants"

my kids never wet them. but I always spent a few days in first. it's not ideal.not going out but really if it enables you to get it done a bit quicker it's a small.price to pay.

I think there is a difference between not being trained and having the odd accident.

With regards to people saying kids didn't used to be really trained but mums just put up with more accidents, that wasn't my experience. Mine were all toilet trained and out of daytime nappies by 3, nighttime was more variable with one dry at night and out of nappies at night before they were trained at night and the other three being dry and clean in the day before the night. I can only remember wet pants coming home from playgroup/nursery once. When I helped run a playgroup with 30 kids accidents weren't a daily event, we might have had to change pants once or twice a week with lots of children totally reliable.

It is an effort to train, I don't think there is a magic moment when it just happens. If you start to early it is harder and the accidents go on for longer, with my kids I usually started between 2 and 2 and a half, it varied depending on when their birthday fell as I think it is alot easier to do in summer with less layers of clothes to cope with both for child getting trousers, tights, pants off in time and mum or dad coping with the washing.

From what I have heard older teachers say it is much more of a problem now than 20, 30 or even 40 years ago. I'm not a teacher so I don't know if that is true or not.

That should have been one dry at night and out of nappies in the day before they were trained at night

As others have said, it should take less than a week of concerted effort to toilet train a child. Hourly trips to the toilet. A Smartie or other treat in the bathroom as soon as they've had a wee or poo. You can't 'take it slowly' you just get on with it.
She'll be horribly embarrassed if she wets herself at school.

Agree with Giles

Also agree that nighties is completely separate

nigthtime dryness

No necessarily mycran each child is different, some get it early, some do not, it will take more than a week with effort, even weeks or months. Grannie it might be to do with the disposable nappy, as time goes go, they get better and better at locking away wetness, so a baby cannot feel wet and uncimfortable, like they would in Terry nappies back in the day. Add to that, they leak less, so parent does not have to keep changing, so Mabey less invested in potty training early and wait until they are ready.

My DS turned 3 in Dec and was due to start school in Jan. At the start of Dec he still wasn't doing poos in the toilet and I did start to worry. However, things really clicked over the next few weeks and by Jan he was reliable (he did have a few 'accidents', but many children have them).

Also grannie those who still had accidents frequently, stayed at home, not go to playgroup, so you saw only those who were reliable.

I finally got my DD toilet trained about 3 months before she started school. She too is an August baby. Just keep going at it, my DD got it quickly after much persistence.

As others have said, it should take less than a week of concerted effort to toilet train a child.

Unfortunately my older ones hadn't read the books - it took weeks and weeks - though it did happen eventually. We stayed in the house and garden to make thing easy for those weeks.

It was the summer when they were still 3 just about to turn 4 just before school that it clicked - despite the nurseries they went to having a good go during the year fully back us at home.

I did mention it to the teachers - and they were great and did expect accidents which in our case didn't really stop till yr1 when they were just 5 - they slowly petered out then got more frequent when they got tried end of terms. There was a bag with a change of clothes on their pegs something they liked all the children to have.

I think it one of those parenting issues when if you have an easy child - and my third one was had minimal input from us just following her lead - you assume all children are the same. Plus according to my mother staggered starts in reception were more common - instead of all children starting in September when some like mine have just turned 4. So in the past you'd get those extra months to train the normal but outliers - I think some of us - her children - must have fallen into that category.

Op I wouldn't worry but have another good try this summer - pants and potties and steps and toilet seats all around and just plan to do fair bit of cleaning up and it will eventually come. Plus have a quiet word with the teachers.

despite the nurseries they went to having a good go during the year fully backed by us at home.

I totally get a child with SN needing to use nappies or pull ups, absoloutley the school has to make adjustments.

I find it deeply insulting that the Eric website is saying a child who is not potty trained should be classed as having a disability. That is an insult to children who need extra help and it also takes the budget schools have for SN children and gives it to those who don't have a special need.

All children can have an cand again that is different.

When mine were little, the pre-school (took children from 2.5) didn't take children in nappies.

So from the age of 2, every mum in the village worked like demons on potty training. Mum and toddler groups were full of children sitting on potties, we all shared tips on how to do it by the magic 2.5 date, and there was a real incentive to keep working at it when things got difficult. DS hadn't read the books, showed no signs, didn't want to use the potty, BUT I took him up regularly to see his slightly older friends playing at pre-school and it gave both of us the added push to work on it.

The vast majority of these children went to pre-school on time. DS was a little late. Children with SN went in nappies, that was fine.

Just after DS started, taking on board legal advice best practice from ERICetc, the pre-school removed the requirement for toilet training. It's over 12 years on from that now, and apparently it is now more common than not for children to be in nappies for the very large majority of their time at pre-school, some not being trained by the time that they start Reception. What has been lost has been the shared knowledge, the support to 'keep at it when it's hard', and a key deadline. What has been gained is less pressure on children, especially on those children who may have special reasons why they are difficult to toilet train (DS had toddler diarrhea for 18 months, almost up to 2.5 years, which was one of the reasons why training him was difficult).

I do think that the pendulum has swung from 'parent led' toilet training to ;'child sign led' toilet training, and that has moved the average age later but perhaps the process easier. am sure that this has made lives easier and less pressured - but it does mean that some children aren't toilet trained who could be IYSWIM?

I do think that the pendulum has swung from 'parent led' toilet training to ;'child sign led' toilet training, and that has moved the average age later but perhaps the process easier. am sure that this has made lives easier and less pressured but it does mean that some children aren't toilet trained who could be IYSWIM?

if MN is anything to go by it sounds as if it often has the opposite effect. that leaving it longer actually makes the habit harder to break. not easier.

in all honesty I can't see how trying to potty train children whilst they attend nursery and have that routine to get used to and the distractions to deal with and no parent sat there watching 1 child fir the signs of needing to pee, could be easier than.trying befire they go and you aren't stuck waiting for end of terms to get a decent block.of time to attempt it.

obviously of they alreasy attend due to work or have SN it doesn't apply. but given children can easily get stuck.in habits leaving it longer could quite easily back fire.

Compulsory school age is still 5. No one can make you send your child before that.

This is a helpful book - it gives you thorough tips for four different methods. It did take a lot of effort, however, bribery definitely worked for us and also masses of positive attention from grandma when she came to visit. The potettes are a godsend too -- we have one in each car (long commute to nursery). We know the location of every garage, layby and forecourt along the way... I haven't yet had to use one myself when stuck on the M25 but have considered it!

www.amazon.co.uk/Potty-Training-Bible-Jo-Wiltshire/dp/1905410646/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1468159568&sr=8-1&keywords=Potty+training+bible

I'd be interested to know if those who say it's fine not to be potty trained have experience in childcare/schooling or at least child development?

It is nearly 30 years ago since I toilet trained my 2dcs. dc1 had severe language delay but was out of nappies at 2.7. Dc2 out at 2.3. Never used a potty - they went straight on toilet with a toddler toilet seat which I took out of the house with me.

As others have said my dcs could not go to playgroup unless they were toilet trained so you knew you had to get on with it and everyone did - SN children tended to go to playgroups especially for their needs.

Also I used terry nappies which got very uncomfortable when wet so that encouraged dcs to stop using them.

I have noticed the difference with the age of toilet training getting older friends ours have dc1 of 3.5 and the dc refuses to use potty or toilet - just says no I want to use a nappy and hangs on forever until has 'accident'- dc is NT and VERY bright. Parents have decided to leave it for time being. Nappies are so absorbent there is no discomfort from them being wet and to use a potty is too much effort!

Iguess

Qualified nursery nursery and early years worker here for children from birth - 8 years.