DD is starting school in September, but isn't toilet trained.

[BarkingMad12]

Hi. Not sure what to do. DD isn't toilet trained yet, we haven't rushed it at all and did wait until she showed signs, but she never did so we have slowly started trying more and more but it isn't going great. I'm worried as she's closer and closer to going to school.

Do I tell them? If so, when? Also, is she allowed to go? Even though she isn't trained? Advice would be great

'm a specialist paediatric bladder and bowel care nurse ... In a team of 5 nurses. We are always going into schools to support with toileting difficulties... Children with or without additional needs. They have had a delay in a normal developmental milestone... And need support , just like speech n language

This with bells on, being continent is like any developmental milestone, some kids have speech and lang delays, some are delayed with development, so why do we expect every child to be continent at the same time. In op case it does not sound like she has given it a good shot, but in our case, ds 4.6 years (dev delays, speech delay) has in the past couple of months been clean and dry during the day after a year a a half of slogging away at toilet training, and me tearing my hair out.

I am ecstatic, but know for some with other special needs they will be in nappies later or some all the time. I was lucky with dd 9 (ASD, dev delay, speech delay and learning difficulties), I tried when she was 2 not ready, and again when she was just over 3, in a few weeks it clicked and she was dry for a year, before she was clean. She is clean and dry now, and at night too, so wears pants yay.

We also had the continent nurse referred to by his paeditrician, she gave us some very good advice, and advice to nursery of how to bring him out of nappies, as he was dry at home but not at nursery.

I don't understand why a fully soiled nappy requires 2 TAs over the other types of changes.

I am really glad that that isn't the system with ds, it seems a waste of resources, and woud probably be a bit overwhelming for him.

Ds has been under a continence nurse since he was 4, she advises the school nurse who then works with the school.

I'm not sure how many times people have to keep saying the same thing. A nappy - even heavily soiled requiring a change of clothes - does not require 2 people to do it. There is no legislation saying 2 people are needed to do it. Do people wait to change a nappy at home until there is another adult around? Utterly ridiculous. Nannies and childminders change nappies 1-1, a school is and should be no different. If a school is saying they need 2 people and refusing to do it otherwise they are wrong, utterly wrong and should be challenged on it.

I've heard so many times of parents being asked to go into school to change their child because the school is refusing to do it or saying they need 2 people and do not have the resources. This is wrong and parents should print off the Eric continence in schools guidelines to give them to the school and remind them of their duty of care.

I'm sorry if I sound very angry about this but it's an issue very close to my heart with a child with special needs myself about to start school in the near future. We are lucky to have a great continence nurse helping us and supplying us with larger nappies and lots of information. Others are not so lucky.

The ignorance about this whole topic makes me very .

It's awful asking a parent to come in and change a child at school. Sounds like they are inconveniencing and stressing the parent on purpose, like a punishment for not having the child toilet trained in time.

My son will turn 4, mid August. I was stressed about him not being toilet trained before he starts school this September. I went 'cold turkey' no nappies in the day what so ever and to my relief he did it quickly. He still can't wipe his bum after a poo. His reception class doesn't have an en-suite bathroom as this year they took a bulge class and he is in a year 1 classroom with cloakroom down the hall. I am hoping he can hold on and not have an accident.

It's tough for the summer borns. I hope your DD gets it quickly and enjoys school.

Just turned 4 is very young to start school... You do slso have the option to delay until your child is 5, though that isn't always practical re childcare. I was 4 when I started and hated being the youngest, but some kids are ready at 4 so it depends...

As ever, on these threads, the conversation becomes all about children with additional needs. The OP has said quite plainly that the reason her child is not trained is because she hasn't really done much about it, NOT because there's the slightest reason to suppose or suspect SN. The advice, therefore, is to crack on and do it, as school staff have enough to do (not least, helping those who DO have SN) without toilet-training NT children.

clam I was using ds as an example, but op has not have a good crack at it yet, if she did mabey he dd might take to it within a week or two, who knows. As far as we know, her dd does not have any known sn.

Threads sometimes become discussions about a topic, especially when the op doesn't return. There has been lots of toilet training advice, but also a discussion about children starting school in nappies (a discussion which will, of course, involve children with special needs)

That's ok isn't it ?

But she won't know unless she gives it a good try now and onward, if she is having trouble, and is not dry at school in September, mabey the school nurse could refer her dd to the continence nurse.

hazey and clam

I agree with both of you

It's frustrating for those who want to talk about what the OP raised, when she doesn't come back (is she for real?) but quite understandable (and useful) that the topic moves away a little

steady on there clam.......or you will be accused of thinking children are not worthy of school

childsay, I don't think the two adults stand over the child one stands at the door and one in cubicle with door closed enough to shield the child.

I do think allegations are a serious concern, I know of a teacher at a local school who had allegations made against him, he was eventually found to be innocent but his health and his career were ruined. If he had not been alone with the child he would have protection from false allegations, if the allegations were true then the child would have been protected. I don't accept that the child or the adult should be placed in a dangerous position just because of money for an extra TA at school.

Threads sometimes become discussions about a topic, especially when the op doesn't return. There has been lots of toilet training advice, but also a discussion about children starting school in nappies (a discussion which will, of course, involve children with special needs)

That's ok isn't it

Sorry, my phone obviously liked that post!

Yes, l agree with granny
I'm a 1:1 and don't need to change my child. However, he did have huge anxiety centred around toileting. I spent masses of time with him in the toilet. Luckily there is one close to the classroom. If he'd had to lie down for a change, then l have no idea where we would have gone? It would have been somewhere out of the way. I'd definitely have wanted another member of staff close by, for both our sakes. The other option is to leave the door wide open - not kind to the child.
It would be better for schools to be better funded so they can make the necessary adaptions to safeguard both child & professional.

Seeing as it should be the right of every child to attend school & have their needs met, we are so behind.

steady on there clam.......or you will be accused of thinking children are not worthy of school I know. Risky post on my part there!

But I'm afraid I'm going to go one step further, and report that our Foundation Stage staff get quite frustrated with the number of children coming into Reception who aren't trained. Accidents, sure, they fully expect and accept those, and of course those with SN, but there are an increasing number whose parents say they're trained when they clearly are not. We're talking several 'accidents' every day, per child.

Threads have a life of their own. It doesn't matter that the op has long gone, it's an interesting discussion and one which comes with a lot of preconceived ideas so it's good to be able to talk about it in a wider context.

zzzz

I think she sounds like I was. As i mentioned earlier, there was reluctance on DS1's part (dislike of change, birth of DS2) and I was so wary of any pressure at all I left it and left it, thinking it would just happen on its own. It didn't

I think he'd have been in nappies for a long time . He was ready. It just needed the right approach from me and DH and it wen't really well. Quick.

People want to just advise the OP of how to approach it.

I think maybe she has not tried anything concerted. If she's showing ambivalence as a way of avoiding pressure, then the child might be getting mixed messages

But as I said, maybe we'll never know because the OP has not come back

This thread has educated me about children with SN