DD is starting school in September, but isn't toilet trained.

[BarkingMad12]

Hi. Not sure what to do. DD isn't toilet trained yet, we haven't rushed it at all and did wait until she showed signs, but she never did so we have slowly started trying more and more but it isn't going great. I'm worried as she's closer and closer to going to school.

Do I tell them? If so, when? Also, is she allowed to go? Even though she isn't trained? Advice would be great

Threads like this wouldnt have existed ten years ago when MN started. Ive just seen a thread on here about a 5 year old getting a certificate for getting dressed herself, and thought WTF. I am completely horrified by the way parenting has developed in this country. If you havent managed to toilet train or at least toilet time your kid before school starts, or enabled them to get dressed themselves, then what, as parents, have you been doing for the last five years?
Its a parents job to enable their children to prepare for the world, and controlling their own bodily functions is a really really big part of this.

""I do think in the OP's case that there is a difference between 'tried absolutely everything, put 100% into it, it's not happening' and 'we've been trying a bit and it's not going very well'.

Without that 'tried 100%' bit, it is absolutely impossible to say whether there is a genuine difficulty - in which case it is absolutely reasonable for your DC to start school in nappies - or whether it is just that they are capable of being toilet trained but it hasn't really been done yet - which is a less good reason to start school in nappies""

Totally agree teacherwithkids

I detect ambivalence int he OP about really going for it, and a misguided idea that all children will show the "signs" loud and clear and be motivated to do it without some commitment to getting it done from parents

BTW

Regarding my last post, I understand the ambivalence. In my case I left it because I'd seen what starting too early had done to my good friend. Her child was asking to be in pants quite early so she decided to go for it. It went on for about a year. Tortuous.

So I left it and left it, waiting for signs, but my child was like teacherwith2kids - he saw no intrinsic value in being out of nappies.
He was just over 3 when we did it.

Do not send your child to school in nappies, all this laissez faire is utter bullshit, 'ooh, don't worry, it'll be fine, you are not the first etc. Pull ups are expensive nappies. If they were in cloth nappies, would you do it??

Teachers are there to teach, not change nappies. Perhaps a teacher can help me here but I know that pre-schools had to have two members of staff to change nappies after new safeguarding rules came into place?

It is your responsibility to do it and give it your all over the summer and get it cracked.

As a childminder, I'm sick of parents not wishing to devote the time to potty training as it interferes with their lives ' ooh, haven't got the time to spend days at home, can't you do it?'

No I fucking can't - you are the parent, get on and be a parent.

I'm about to embark on potty training my 23 month old DD as soon as the summer holidays start......I'm going for the good old bribery and corruption method as well as removing nappies completely. (Apart from bed time)

I'm a school teacher myself and I would advise that you give it your best shot between now and September, maybe you could use school and being a 'big girl' as a motivator??

Are people even bothering to read the whole thread now before posting? It's been said several times now you do not need 2 people to change nappies. Links to the current rules etc have been provided upthread.

Schools have a duty of care to their pupils and that duty of care extends to changing nappies if required to. They do not need an allocated changing space, they do not need 2 people and they should not be asking parents to go in to do it. Children do not need an ehcp to get a nappy changed.

I potty trained my cloth-bummed baby at 18 months. Put the potty on the floor, put her on it a few times, lots of praise when she had a wee. She started going to it of her own accord within a couple of days. No treats or chocolate, just praise. It's not fair on the child to have not even attempted it before they're off to school, being laughed at for being a baby by classmates.

Whatever people's feelings are on school age children wearing nappies, personal attacks on posters is uncalled for janey and in this case just cruel.

Has anyone noticed that actually op disappeared a long time ago?

Christ there's a lot of nastiness and bile in this thread. No wonder some people think MN is a nest of vipers. I don't see why grown adults cannot express their point of view without being behaving so poorly to one another. Forget toilet training for a moment, how about a bit of common decency? "Lazy arse" seriously??? How old are we?

She is going to be one of the youngest going into reception, so she has had less time. That said, almost 4 should be old enough to potty train, unless there is an undiagnosed underlying issue. When you start with older children they often only take a week or two to "get it." Summer is the ideal time because they won't be wearing to many heavy clothes and accidents along the way will be easier to deal with. Just be consistent and think about what sort of positive reinforcement would be right for your daughter (marshmallows, sticker charts, etc.)

Passme

Yes. I noticed upthread a little

Preschool do not require 2 members of staff to change a child. Neither do schools.

Special Needs and medical conditions can certainly go undiagnosed until school. At ds's school I can think of several children,whose needs have become apparent in year R. At

Yes but the op doesnt think her dd has got special needs they just have dabbled in a bit of half hearted potty training and not really tried to make it work. As has been said a hundred times in this thread, it does take a bit of perseverance. School will take a dim view on this hope they do call her to change the nappies I would be pissed off if staff were spending time changing nappies for parents who couldn't be bothered to potty train. There are 120 kids in my dds year group there was one in nappies due to special needs. It is not the norm for a four year old to be in nappies and is ridiculous,