to insist dd, 16, gets a job?

[flowersandsunshine]

DD has just finished GCSEs - well, actually about 3 weeks ago now. She'll be going to the sixth form in Sept. I let her have the first 2 weeks of holiday off to hang out with her bf and go to prom, but would now like her to get a job. She has no plans for the summer at all - friends are going on family or friends holidays, doing NCS or working. She has refused to join us on the family holiday (so I can't go either as don't think she's old enough to leave on her own for 10 days yet) and won't do NCS.

I understand she's worked hard (ish) for GCSEs and deeserves a break but AIBU to expect her to do something other than see her bf every day? She keeps asking me for money to go out every day. I've now said no, until she gets - or at least tries to get - a job. I don't expect it to take up the whole holidays - I at saidleast 2 weeks, so she gets some money and work experience.

Even if her bf has a job lined up and is doing work experience now - dd just plays computer games/is on social media/paints her nails till he's finished and then goes out with him!

So - am I being really mean and horrible here, or should dd just have a go and get a job? Should add I live in area with lots of jobs - a bus ride from 3 towns with jobs plus commutable to London (where dh commutes everyday despite dd refusing to even contemplate such a thing!).

IonaNW, of course the OP wouldn't suggest that a teacher gets a summer job - teachers get paid through the holidays and don't scrounge off other people. The OP's daughter is sitting on her backside expecting the OP to pay for her lifestyle. Surely you can see the difference!!

So where exactly are all these magical summer jobs for 15 and 16 years olds just finishing their GCSE's??

To those saying that short term summer jobs don't exist, I'll repost my update from above for those that missed it:

I asked on facebook on her behalf and have had a few possibilities so - contrary to pessimists on here - a paid summer job for a few weeks is looking possible! Also found some details of permanent Saturday jobs to apply for too...

So I am hopeful she will find something now. It will be good foor her employability and spending power and also I think, her confidence - she's a bit shy but working with a range of people should help that. I am helping her job search, as at 16 you don't have that experience to know how to do a CV or where to look.

It varies from area to area - but the OP has already said there are plenty where she lives.

Goodness harshbuttrue you are harsh indeed. the daughter is sitting on her backside expecting the OP to pay for her lifestyle?!? She was only just sitting her school exams a few weeks ago. She isn't 25, give her a break!

The OP has already said that her DD e pets her to pay for everything. Have you read the OP??!

Ncs looks fabulous.

Why won't she do it?

You seem to have a nervous daughter op. Scared of dogs. Scared of flying. Is she scared of commuting 1.5 hours or scared of working?

I too think there's a big difference between working/commuting and being left alone for 10 days in a rented house. Overnight/a weekend maybe but not 10 days if she can't even be trusted to show she is grown up enough to get a job.

I had a 0 hours contract from age 14 in catering and then shop work. My brothers did litter picking and some catering and work for m+s all below 18. Working in pubs etc (not behind the bar)

We didn't do fruit picking. All of those jobs were gone by the time our exams had finished.

I'm unsure about charging rent to her now. But definitely would if she weren't at school.

She needs to know what real life is like. She needs to know what unskilled jobs are like. How sometimes you have to do things you don't like (like commute 1.5 hours each way. Which I have also done) for little money.

My summer job aged 16 was an office job. Which I hated. So learnt I never ever wanted to work there again. When my friends were dropping out of uni to go work in said office. I remembered my 6 weeks of boredom and the prospect of that for the rest of my life spurred me on to continue uni.

Work is good for you. Yanbu for insisting she gets a job. And yeah if my dd was a teacher and still living at home I would insist she find something productive to do with her summer holiday. But family members who are teachers do just that. They do summer schools or travel projects or big labouring projects at home.

You say she goes to town every day currently op. How does she afford that? If it is money from you, stop giving it to her.

Nanunanu - yes, she is 'nervous' - part of why I want her to get a job as I think it will increase her confidence. She's not scared of going on public transport ie commuting as she does that to school anyway. She doesn't have any close friends doing NCS - agree it sounds good but I won't make her do it as long as she does sometjing useful not just hanging out at my expense!

My did is 16 and got a job in a large hotel chain. She's banquet staff so usually just weddings and functions but they are booked out in the summer holidays so have asked her if she would do 2/3 extra shifts in the holidays. She loves having her own money although she hates having to get out of bed.

My Dd has been incredibly lucky getting a job, but I know a lot of her friends have not.

She's been spending through birthday/pocket money to go out so far but I've said enough is enough! She said I WBU - hence the thread!

I think saying what you did, or what your dc did even last year is irrelevant. The school leaving age is now 18 not 16. There are jobs out there but not with big companies such as Tesco unless you know someone who works there already and can put a good word in.

A lot of summer jobs are given to those who work for the business at the weekends or those that applied at the bigging of the year not those that rock up in July looking for a couple of weeks work. Dd was auditioning in February for a 2 week job in August.

Depends where you are in the country - I've had several suggestions here. Even this late in the year.

Likewise Olivers - i also posted some suggestions that other 16/17 year olds I know have tried successfully. The supermarkets take from 16 by the way, just not night shifts, petrol station or small outlets due to alcohol sales. Next for example employ almost exclusively part timers on 8 - 12 hour a week contracts.

Hi op, it sounds like you've had some brilliant ideas here. If nothing comes from the Facebook jobs you've found, she could try childcare.co.uk or even gumtree for a babysitting job. There may be someone with primary school aged children who may only need 3 weeks of the summer covered. You know your DD and whether you can trust her to look after children and it sounds as if she can. I don't believe that she isn't responsible to have a job just because you won't leave her. I have a good friend aged 23 who holds down a full time job and I would trust her to look after children but seriously she's partying every weekend and is really bad at life planning. But in work she's great!
Also op, I think you need to understand that at 16, you are old enough to move out and live on your own. So I don't know why you're finding it so surprising that people would leave their 16 year olds at home alone. I'm sorry that you don't trust yours, but I was left alone at 16 (not too many years ago) and so did most of my friends parents!

Wouldn't give her a penny til she's been out with her cv and really tried. It's ridiculous to say Tesco etc don't employ under 18, virtually every time I buy booze, the till person has to check with the manager person cos they're under 18.

I think it will be hard to find a summer job now but looking for something on weekends longer term is a good plan.
Yanbu for wanting her to do something, I think I spent 3 weeks of that summer before 6th form in france getting ready for french a level for example.
Could she do free "work experience" at your dh's company- you could pay for her travel and give her some pocket money to encourage her? Would be good for her and more importantly for her future serious job hunting prospects.

Btw I started a part time job at mcdonalds when I was 16. Stayed for two years. In hindsight it was horrendous but it taught me a LOT about the real world.

I know small local shops who would give a 16 year old a job - they really don't care whether somebody is 16, 18, 32 or 68 as long as they are hard working and reliable. However, they wouldn't want to invest in training somebody during their busy period just for them to disappear after 2 weeks.

It's much easier to get holiday jobs once you have the Saturday/evening experience and contacts.

I just had a look online at a big supermarket chain and they say quite clearly on their very first page that they don't employ under 18s.

From the Sainsburys website:

All applicants must be of compulsory school leaving age to be considered for a vacancy at Sainsbury’s. Please note that compulsory school leaving age can vary across the UK. Please visit the Government website for further information, https://www.gov.uk/know-when-you-can-leave-school.
Please note that to work in certain departments applicants must be aged 18 or over. This includes vacancies such as night shift replenishment, warehouse, team leaders or petrol station filling positions, or vacancies with shifts that cover hours earlier than 6am or later than 11pm.

Only restriction on under 18s is as I said in a PP.

And Tesco also employ under 18s:

www.ourtesco.com/working-at-tesco/people-policies/expenses/young-workers/

My DS who is 14, has been working 2.5 hours a week for my DH (but with MIL) for the last 9 months or so. DH has now taken on some extra work so is going to be doing 4 or 5 hours on a Saturday, plus a couple of hours in the evening till about October (seasonal work). DD who is nearly 13 is now taking over the 2.5 hours plus already helps with monthly invoices. It's a really valuable experience for them, plus teaching them the value of money. I never had a job at their age but I never wanted money for anything, but as soon as I was 16 I got a Saturday job in Tesco's, where I worked for 3 years

YANBU at all. I got my first weekend job at 13 (only 27 now so not that long ago!) waitressing but I lived near a busy tourist town so plenty of jobs going, I took on more hours during the holidays.

My DC will be given the option of looking for weekend work when they get to teens as well (although I do believe the age for employment has gone up) and they will get a small allowance if they help out at home (for a phone or whatever)

So glad that mine isn't the only one!

I wouldn't force her to get a job but I would force her to go on holidays with the family; I would also expect her to help in the house a bit instead of hanging all the time with her bf and spending all day in social media. It would be nice though if she at least try to earn some pocket money by baby sitting or other small jobs. I would give her some money only if she helps in the house a make an effort.