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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She talks to everyone a lot except me.

130 replies

MrMan999 · 07/07/2016 21:24

Working in an office, there's a girl on my team who sometimes keeps herself to herself, but the rest of the time, talks to everyone else quite a bit. Me? Just occasionally. If that. If others have a general conversation, she'll sometimes react to things they say, but when I make a contibution, she'll just act as if I've said nothing and carry on staring at her screen.

And today, I passed her when coming back onto the 3rd floor after my break, as she was heading the other way. I said hello. She just completely blanked me.

I do fancy her so I'm wondering if she's figured that out, and so if she doesn't fancy me then she's shutting me out because of that, rather than invite a conversation. Hence, she only talks to me if it's work-related, and even then she'll aim to talk to others first if they're available (we're on the phones, so that varies).

It's a bit depressing really. Kinda wish we were on different teams, then I wouldn't have to look at her. Out of sight, out of mind :(

What does everyone think of the situation?

OP posts:
Pearlman · 07/07/2016 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twopenneth · 07/07/2016 21:28

she doesn't have to say hello to you. I mean, out of politeness for being colleagues maybe, but I'd just let this one go.

Crisscrosscranky · 07/07/2016 21:28

I think you've probably done something to make her feel a bit uncomfortable and she doesn't want to lead you on.

elodie2000 · 07/07/2016 21:29

She may be shy or, like you said, have Sussex that you like her and is embarrassed or possibly doesn't want to lead you on. Whatever her thoughts, just keep chatting to the others and put her 'silence' to the back of your mind and carry on as normal. She might be less standoffish over time or she might not. Don't give it another thought.

Piemernator · 07/07/2016 21:29

She knows you fancy her and she doesn't feel the same so doesn't want to lead you on. I think in her situation I would keep it all business related as well.

elodie2000 · 07/07/2016 21:30

Sussed not Sussex !

Original poster
MrMan999 · 07/07/2016 21:56

Cheers for the replies. If I have done something to make her feel uncomfortable, I wish I knew what it was :(

OP posts:
ABloodyDifficultWoman · 07/07/2016 21:59

You probably give her the creeps. If she's picked up that you fancy her that means you've almost certainly been looking at her in a creepy way. She's freaked out. Respect that and leave her alone.

Queenbean · 07/07/2016 22:01

i do fancy her so I'm wondering if she's figured that out

When you say "hello" do you do it Joey-style?

When you see her do you drool out of one side of your mouth?

If so, she thinks you're Pervy McPervyson and isn't interested. Step back. She's just your colleague.

Queenbean · 07/07/2016 22:02

Oh, and welcome to MN

Queenbean · 07/07/2016 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 07/07/2016 22:04

Fuck her who is she the Queen or something. Move on and start fancying someone who will return your feelings to you. Because she's out there Somewhere.
Don't give this horrible snob any more air time or chance to ignore you.

Zarah123 · 07/07/2016 22:08

You could drive yourself crazy trying to figure this out.

Seriously, pretend she doesn't exist and avoid looking at her (unless you need to interact for work purposes).

Spend time with those who have time for you.

DoreenLethal · 07/07/2016 22:23

Stop looking at her for a start. Very creepy. No wonder she blanks you.

TSSDNCOP · 07/07/2016 22:30

She's cottoned on that you fancy her and she's signalling back that she doesn't fancy you.

Change gears and sort yourself out and start treating this woman as a colleague.

Zarah123 · 07/07/2016 22:37

Why do people keep calling OP creepy? Confused

There's no suggestion he is leering at her. If she's in his team, it's within reason that she is within his eyeline and probably can't avoid seeing her.

Out of sight and out of mind is best for an unrequited crush.

Unicorntrainer · 07/07/2016 22:40

You are not just wanting her to talk to you though, are you? You want her to NOTICE you. Have you shared the fact that you fancy her with anyone else in the office and it has got back to her?

thetroubleis · 07/07/2016 22:43

My guess- you've said something inappropriate to someone and it got back to her.

Passthecake30 · 07/07/2016 22:51

Deliberately ignore her, like you couldn't care less.

blueshoes · 07/07/2016 23:03

Even if I thought a male colleague fancied me, I would not be so rude as this girl as to blank you or exclude you.

It does not sound like you did anything to make her feel uneasy.

This is almost like bullying. Don't waste any more time on her. She is not worth it.

MrBoot · 07/07/2016 23:05

My guess is that she has been told or picked up on you fancying her and it isn't mutual.

If she met you on the corrider, she could easily say hello and keep walking. It is quite rude of a colleague to blank another colleague so she could be annoyed over something or just immature and embarrassed. Either way, I would try to forget about any romantic notions you have, you can be fairly sure it isn't reciprocated.

Ambroxide · 07/07/2016 23:10

Haven't we had all this before, or are you someone else? Either way, she just doesn't like you, so you should back off. You can't make people like you. Stick to talking to the people who do want to talk to you.

Ambroxide · 07/07/2016 23:11

Also, do I know you from somewhere else? This sounds awfully familiar.

paxillin · 07/07/2016 23:12

I'm creeped out and just went the other way to the kitchen.

hotdiggedy · 07/07/2016 23:30

Well if he does know you, he isn't likely to confess is he Ambroxide? He came on with a problem and now you have probably made him feel a whole lot worse. What was the point of that??