Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it's OK for a guy to be in the ladies if he's with his daughter?

359 replies

laurenwiltxx · 06/07/2016 22:34

I'm reading alot about the issue with trans and toilets recently and got me thinking about times my brother has had to take his daughter to the toilet and was taking her to the Men's (when disabled toilets weren't there or out of order ect) and I protested he take her into the women's as it wasn't appropriate considering men have there things out at the urinals and things, and seats are more likely to be peed on ect. So he began doing so and got alot of looks from women. Ive been thinking about it alot more and do understand its a really hard one. What would you say daddies in the ladies with daughters or should take them in the men's?

OP posts:
Lurkygirl · 07/07/2016 07:35

Flashbang - there was a very moving post a few years ago by a mumsnetter's daughter who is in a wheelchair, explaining that part of her disability was issues with incontinence and that when she needed to go, she could not wait.

Yes, it might be the case that another person with a disability is already using the accessible toilet - but the point is that if we all start using them, we significantly increase the chances that they are in use, turning toiletting problems from a "maybe once a week I'm not lucky" issue into an "every sodding time there's a queue and I have problems, so now I feel like I can't leave the house" issue.

Twinkie1 · 07/07/2016 07:48

Do small girls combust if they see a penis??

DH takes DD into the men's toilet. I'm pretty much aghast that a grown man would go into a ladies toilet when told to by his sister!

MLGs · 07/07/2016 07:48

Agree the adult goes in appropriate loo for the adult. Child goes in with them. Once 7/8 child can go in their appropriate loo on their own.

Also cringed at seeimg their "things". I believe the word is penis.

I can't see it's any more awful for a six year old girl to possibly glimpse a urinating penis than for a six year old boy to (I.e. not awful at all, plus they are unlikely to get much of a look!)

Adult men in the ladies is not on unless really unavoidable, I.e. coming to assist with an emergency or they are the cleaner.

And please don't encourage anyone who is not disabled (or changing baby if it's so designated) to use disabled. A disabled person might need it.

MLGs · 07/07/2016 07:56

Ps I doesn't actually bother me personally to see a man in the ladies but I think it's reasonable that others would be bothered. Plus it's unnecessary.

Also, practically speaking it would be good if more children got taken into the gents with their dads to even out the queues a bit. I often think at children's theatre shows there should be an interval announcement "could any children here with male carers please be in the gents to cut down on queues...."

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 07/07/2016 08:05

My dad always took me Ito the men's loos when I was little. Can't remember ever seeing a penis.

Men shouldn't be in the women's toilets.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 07/07/2016 08:08

And if a child is over the age of 5yo they really should be able to take themselves to the loo with a parent standing just outside. They manage at school. And I would guess sometimes at school another child has peed over the seat but they manage without a parent being there to wipe the seat. I don't think anything is going to happen to a girl in the women's toilets with her dad stood by the door.

Flashbangandgone · 07/07/2016 08:15

Jeremy

Seriously, i do.... When the children were younger and nappies and shopping were involved, managing that in an accessible toilet is far easier and something I presumed they were for. I take the point about not using them gratuitously when standard toilets will do just fine.

Jeremysfavouriteaunt · 07/07/2016 08:16

That's not what they are there for, I think that's incredibly selfish. I wish they would remove baby change units from some of them too.

Original poster
laurenwiltxx · 07/07/2016 08:27

Well actually yes, what are you supposed to do with your child leave them outside the toilet pmsl, I wouldn't think twice if there was NO ALTERNATIVE to using an accessible toilet, and the baby changing is in there so is obviously part of there intended purpose. Also the table is big in there for a reason. Some people with disabilities need pads that need changing also. But yeah you know best Wine

OP posts:
Jeremysfavouriteaunt · 07/07/2016 08:29

Amazing how I managed with three under five, still selfish wins.

splendide · 07/07/2016 08:30

Can't remember ever seeing a penis.

You should google - there are loads online.

RufusTheReindeer · 07/07/2016 08:34

splendide

Grin

Cant even post now...

TowerRose · 07/07/2016 08:35

Years ago I was using the sink in a empty ladies toilet a young dad knocked the main door and popped his head in to explain that he had a baby girl who needed a nappy change, and there wasnt a table in the men's and asked if it would be okay to come in. I said it was fine- i didn't see the issue with that.

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 07/07/2016 08:41

But you're not talking about a situation where there's NO ALTERNATIVE to using the accessible loo Hmm obviously in situations where it is a combined facility and there is no alternative then people should use it.

BravoHopeful · 07/07/2016 08:52

I wish they would remove baby change units from some of them too.

Don't forget that disabled parents need to change their kids nappies too! All loos - female, male, disabled, unisex should have a fold-down baby change table!

honkinghaddock · 07/07/2016 08:56

I would take ds who is severely disabled into the ladies with me at any age, if there is no alternative. He would be completely supervised so no problem to anyone else.

PurpleDaisies · 07/07/2016 08:56

Don't forget that disabled parents need to change their kids nappies too!

That makes it really tricky to know what the best solution would be. My instinct is that while there are baby change facilities in the disabled toilet parents will use that preferentially over one in the women's/men's toilets because of the increased privacy in there. I'd be very surprised if people suddenly stopped using baby change in the disabled toilets if more appeared elsewhere.

Fresta · 07/07/2016 09:02

The accessible toilet at my local M&S also has a buggy sign on the door as well as a wheelchair sign. When dd was was in her buggy, and couldn't yet walk, I would often use this as dd screamed the place down if I went in a cubicle and shut the door in the ladies where she couldn't see me. I also used it when she was first toilet trained if there was a long queue in the ladies and no-one in the accessible one and when she said she needed a wee/poo, as she meant NOW as toddlers do, otherwise it would have been a puddle and a mess. Of course, I don't even think about using an accessible toilet now when I don't need to just for convenience.

We all weigh up our needs differently when making decisions and although my DH usually took dd into the Gents when small, some might feel uncomfortable with this due to the difference in the way they are set up- women don't pee openly for little boys to see. If they do they have probably assessed their needs as great enough to use it, even though others may have a different opinion there isn't a definite right or wrong with toilets. Definitely NO to him taking her in the Ladies though, and equally I honestly don't see why it's OK for women to use the Gents if there's a queue at the Ladies; don't they deserve the same rights as women?

blitheringbuzzards1234 · 07/07/2016 09:03

When I was a young lass (a long time ago, trans issues not really heard of, let alone discussed) on the rare times I was out with dad I was expected to go to the ladies' toilets by myself.

He would never have taken me in the men's. I actually felt a bit scared going in alone for the first time but of course it was all right. Toilet trips have always been a bit awkward and I suspect always will be with daughters/fathers, etc.

fakenamefornow · 07/07/2016 09:03

Normally I'd say no, he should take her in the men's. But, I meet a young man once just outside a womens public toilet he'd just used. I couple of female pensioners were huffing and puffing about him saying he shouldn't be in there. He had a double pushchair with a 1 yo and a 3 yo girls in there. He had needed to change a nappy and there was no changing table in the men's. I stepped in , helped him with his pushchair and stuck up for him. He was only young and what else did the expect him to do.

PurpleDaisies · 07/07/2016 09:03

I honestly don't see why it's OK for women to use the Gents if there's a queue at the Ladies; don't they deserve the same rights as women?

I agree with you.

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 07/07/2016 09:05

Purple maybe more RADAR key controlled loos so non-disabled parents can't just go in? I agree. People seem to have no qualms about using disabled facilities, so probably wouldn't choose to use other ones instead.

Some shopping centres have separate baby changing rooms. But obviously they take up a lot of space, so they're not practical in many places.

VoyageOfDad · 07/07/2016 09:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fresta · 07/07/2016 09:09

I honestly don't think baby changing should be in the ladies or the gents, who wants to change their baby in front of a line of onlookers?

Most large stores have a separate baby changing facility which is the ideal.

Andrewofgg · 07/07/2016 09:10

The only time I had to feed (ff, I have many talents but I know my limitations!) and change DS at a railway station where the facility was attached to the ladies' loo I asked a passing woman to see if it was in use. She reported that there was a woman bf her child who had no objection to me coming in; so I went in, thanked her without looking at her, and did what I had to do. By the time DS was clean and ready to be fed she had finished and gone; and when another woman came in I explained but did not apologise. I could have given DS his bottle on the noisy concourse but I preferred not to and I wanted to wash my hands when I had finished.

That of course was bad design but to be clear - the ladies' loo opened off the changing room although there may also have been a direct door from the loo to the concourse.