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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it's OK for a guy to be in the ladies if he's with his daughter?

359 replies

laurenwiltxx · 06/07/2016 22:34

I'm reading alot about the issue with trans and toilets recently and got me thinking about times my brother has had to take his daughter to the toilet and was taking her to the Men's (when disabled toilets weren't there or out of order ect) and I protested he take her into the women's as it wasn't appropriate considering men have there things out at the urinals and things, and seats are more likely to be peed on ect. So he began doing so and got alot of looks from women. Ive been thinking about it alot more and do understand its a really hard one. What would you say daddies in the ladies with daughters or should take them in the men's?

OP posts:
Original poster
laurenwiltxx · 07/07/2016 00:54

I'm not really getting the point of this argument over the disabled/accessible toilet being used by people who aren't disabled? Sometimes its the only toilet in a coffee shop or wherever. Is the suggestion that if your disabled your shouldn't have to cue? What if its a person who is completely unable to toilet by themselves and has to be assisted they would have to wait for longer behind them than behind me?

OP posts:
MrTiddlestheFatCat · 07/07/2016 00:59

Toilets in Coffee shops are usually accessible toilets and function as the mens/womens also. Its a different scenario than when there's lots of toilets for men and women and then one or two accessible ones.

And actually, for someone with bowel problems like my DH, not having to queue is absolutely fucking essential so he doesn't have an accident outside the door. It is humiliating and painful enough without him having to wait for someone that didn't need it to come out first.

Yes, he would have to wait longer behind someone who needed help to use the toilet, but very rarely does that happen. Frequently he is held up by people who have just nipped in there for their own convenience.

VestalVirgin · 07/07/2016 01:03

I don't know what they thought he was going to do. The guy was far more interested in getting on with his work than being at all concerned with what the women were doing, and anyway, what's interesting about a bunch of women urinating in a private cubicle? Who cares?

A lot of male perverts, it turns out. This seems to be a rather big problem in unisex loos with cubicles that aren't closed at the floor and ceiling.

Yeah, a normal person does not want to see someone pee, and a normal man who cleans toilets just wants to clean toilets in peace.

However, you cannot deduce how perverted males will act by taking your own, normal behaviour as a model.

Original poster
laurenwiltxx · 07/07/2016 01:06

Okay how exactly would you know that the person before your husband popped in there for convenience and they didn't also have bowel/bladder problems.

OP posts:
Fresta · 07/07/2016 01:08

I thought the point of an accessible toilet was to ensure people in wheelchairs and those needing assistance had the space required to get the wheelchair and a carer into them. Not so you could access them more quickly.

Fresta · 07/07/2016 01:14

Why DO men's toilets stink so badly compared to the women's?

KittensandKnitting · 07/07/2016 01:17

Because they pee everywhere!

MrTiddlestheFatCat · 07/07/2016 01:19

Okay how exactly would you know that the person before your husband popped in there for convenience and they didn't also have bowel/bladder problems.

Fair point, I guess, but from your post I can tell that you think it is okay to use the accessible toilet for convenience and I know that it is what a lot of people do as well. You were basically asking why it wasn't ok for you or your DP to use it.

I think it is mostly for the space fresta but it is also a bit of a safe haven for people who need to get there in a hurry, also due to the fact bowel problems can be noisy and not pleasant. DH carries a card that enables him to use it, so it is also 'officially' for that too.

Don't know why men's toilets smell more- male dogs wee is more concentrated and smells more, maybe it is true with humans too and the lack of 'flush' on a urinal sort of exacerbates that?

MrTiddlestheFatCat · 07/07/2016 01:24

No, I am wrong I think...female dogs wees are smaller and more concentrated...But male dog wee does seem to smell more.

wanders off topic

Fresta · 07/07/2016 01:30

Grin at comparing men to dogs, but maybe you have a point; Tom cat wee is stronger than a female's too! Maybe it's related to territory marking, that's why they spray it around so much?

MrTiddlestheFatCat · 07/07/2016 01:33

Well my DH seems to want to claim the back of the toilet seat as his territory in that case. How bizarre of him.

Original poster
laurenwiltxx · 07/07/2016 01:35

Well I have ibs, I do actually understand but sadly sometimes you have to wait.

OP posts:
MrTiddlestheFatCat · 07/07/2016 01:41

Yes, I understand that. But you shouldn't have to wait behind someone who didn't actually need to use it in the first place- people should just have the common decency not to use them if they don't need it, is all I'm saying.

Your original point was asking why shouldn't an able bodied person use that toilet, as the person behind would still have to queue, and before that, why your DP couldn't use it to take your child to the toilet because he didn't want to take her into the mens. I think PP have said it correctly, you can just choose to use someone else's space because you want to.

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 07/07/2016 01:54

Sometimes you have to wait. But it's frustrating that people might have to wait for someone who doesn't actually need the disabled loo.

There are so many different reasons why people need them. But not wanting to take your daughter in the men's loo isn't a disability.

Before I was diagnosed with bowel cancer I don't think I had ever used a disabled loo. (Apart from the combined ones in coffee shops.) I wasn't disabled so I had no need for them. Even now I will only use the disabled loo if I really cannot get to the ladies. I would hate to delay someone and cause them to be uncomfortable or have an accident.

ivykaty44 · 07/07/2016 06:08

The clue is in the name-unisex loos.
What is unisex in French? Cos I have no clue in French

HelpfulChap · 07/07/2016 06:14

I never took my DD into a Ladies loo. Totally inappropriate for me to be in there! I would have felt more uncomfortable than the women.

Scarydinosaurs · 07/07/2016 06:35

All toilets should be unisex. It would avoid all this.

BoomBoomsCousin · 07/07/2016 06:38

I'm not really that bothered about the idea of sharing public loos with men. If all public loos were turned into unisex ones tomorrow, I'd be fine with it. But the idea of encouraging men to take their daughters into the women's instead of the men's really annoys me because, goddammit, the line for the ladies is long enough. What with the generally lesser provision and the fact women are more likely to be chaperoning children (male and female) anyway, the queues are already normally far longer than the men's. I get unreasonably annoyed by any suggestion female loo provision should be more stressed than it already is!

AliensInUnderpants12 · 07/07/2016 07:00

I wouldn't mind a man coming into the women's toilets if he was helping his daughter, that really wouldn't bother me at all. I do remember it happening once and the poor guy was so embarrassed and asked if anyone minded that he came in.

All the public toilets I've been in have signs up to say that male toilet cleaners work there, so there's not much difference.

Flashbangandgone · 07/07/2016 07:07

Why are people always OK with able-bodied people using the disabled loos?

If I'm with my children, it's often far easier to use the accessible loo due to space. I can't see the harm.... Perhaps someone will need to wait a minute or so whilst i do this, but that's no different to any toilet. I don't get your concern.

topcat2014 · 07/07/2016 07:08

I sent DD in to ladies alone from about 6, and just waited outside the door. No way would I even think about going in myself.

Prior to that, it was a quick usher in to 'my' toilets - doubt DD even thought about it at the time.

I remember the shock recently when a group of ladies came in to the toilets I was using on a night out - was so shocked at the time didn't even think of anything to say - when, I suppose, WTF would have been appropriate..

Flashbangandgone · 07/07/2016 07:09

This doesn't seem to be a UK issue.... Although no ones confirmed it, the comments in support of men not taking daughters into men's toilets seem to be American in origin looking at language... Happy to be corrected.

Jeremysfavouriteaunt · 07/07/2016 07:15

If I'm with my children, it's often far easier to use the accessible loo due to space. I can't see the harm.... Perhaps someone will need to wait a minute or so whilst i do this, but that's no different to any toilet. I don't get your concern

Seriously Flashbangandgone? You think that's okay?

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 07/07/2016 07:27

Jeez why all the drama?! DD1 has gone in to pee by herself since she was toilet trained, I or her dad just wait outside for her.

Before this, if she needed her nappy changing she just went wherever the changing facilities were, usually the accessible toilet.

Why must a child be over 8 to go on their own?! You see them go in and wait right outside the door, what do people think is going to happen in there?! [confused?

AGreatBigWorld · 07/07/2016 07:29

This thread has reminded me of the film Three Men and a Little Lady when two of the dad's tie up hankie round the little girls eyes before they take her in the toilet!! Grin