Please tell me I'm not the insane one? So fucked off.

[NopeSorry]

I have a newborn and 2 other children. I'm seriously sick to death of my mother's thinking.

I always knew her thinking from a teen, but now I've actually got kids in so pissed off.

My son wanted a dress, he's young. Just a fucking dress, I've brought one for him before, he puts it on and then dumps it 3 hours later anyway, there is not a problem. He used it to walk to swimming, it was so easy as it stopped his skin sticking, his words, but was then bored of it. My mother also told my daughter, when she was 5, she needed to keep a top on at the beach, or bikini top.

I'm just fucked off. My perfect sister with her perfect kids who follow all these wonderful gender stereotypes.

She wanted to take my newest baby swimming when older and take the other kids, I said that if my son chooses to walk there with a dress or my daughter doesn't want to have a top on or whatever the duck else that doesn't matter, happens, you need to follow the way I'm parenting and accept it. She said absolutely not and that "I don't want to look after your kids anyway if they don't follow my rules" I am sooo fucked off. I love her so much, but do have very specific rules that I want to do as a parent, I said she had her chance to raise us how you wanted.

AIBU to think that you follow the parents' choice of parenting?? Or not?? I'm just so fucked off with it. I know it's small, but to say that she'd not want to go to the beach with my daughter if she doesn't have a top on as she's embarrassed or whatever, that's the bit that winds me up as how can you feel that strongly that you don't want to see my kid? And the "I'll have (sisters name here) enough times anyway in the near future".

I'm raging and I know you have a lot of these gender threads, but is it enough to not let her take them out on their own? Of course they can see them when I'm there/dad is there. Because when she makes a comment, I can jump right in and stop it. I'm raging that she cares enough to not want to see them. So pissed off. So fucked off.

All those pp who say that a boy in a dress will be exposed to ridicule and bullying and god knows what else....

My DS insisted on having a pink tutu. Badgered me for weeks (no sisters). I eventually got him one from Claire's Accessories and he wore it over his clothes for three months straight, everywhere he went. I can categorically tell you that only ONE person made a negative comment about it the entire time. Where and how you think damaging actions from a boy wearing girls clothes in public is going to happen, at an age where they cannot go anywhere by themselves, is beyond me. His friends didn't bat an eyelid. It's us adults who carry all the negative stereotypical behaviours.

And FWIW, one day he decided not to wear it, and that was that. No 'confusion', no 'gender identity' issues, just a boy who wanted to wear a tutu for a while.

I canNOT understand what on earth anyone's problem with this could be.

nomud vulnerable to what? Being attacked by a pedophile?

Notquite maybe you live in a nice area? My son is 6 and was crying because one of the kids were laughing at his perfectly normal jacket. I have at least 2 strangers comment on my child every day. I live in a reasonable nice semi-rural, quite affluent area and assumed my experiences here would be the same most places. I also think wearing it over his clothes might make a different as its clear to him and others it's dress up?

Blue folly- I assume having photos taken and circulated online.

thats terrible green must be more stuck up places than i thought

Green if you do look around the planet you will find plenty of men who were dresses and skirts like sarongs.

I am very sorry your son has had such awful experiences but the problem is the bullies not what he wears. If they want to bully him they will do so even if he wears the plainest outfit ever. We must try and challenge bullying rather than expect kids to conform to avoid it.

YANBU this is not acceptable. My ex did this the weekend before I was due to go in for a ERPC. It is insensitive and thoughtless and unfair.

Now is not the time to decide on the future, focus on getting through today.

I am thinking of you and sending you hugs x

She has rigid worldviews and so do you now.

Have to agree with this. But there is probably more to it...

When they're with granny they follow granny's rules. It's not hard. You're forcing your mother to be like you - just as she appears to have forced you to be like her.

You should have my mother. You would implode with rage. But that's her and she's loving - which is what matters.

You've got to do what you can live with. What ever you do, someone will let you know you've done the wrong thing so, if you are comfortable with what you do with your kids and no harm comes to them, game on!

You are right and she is ridiculous and cares more about what other people like her think.

Try to push your way so kids dont get confused

Or get someone else to help you with them

I dont like her

No way you need a top for swimming when you are 5

Stop this madness!!!!!!!

She is a little person, bot or girl

My niece is 7 and doesnt wear one

I actually find it disturbing when people put bikini tops on little girls

Nomud we protect our children from paedophiles by giving them autonomy over their bodies. As you will know from your EXTENSIVE experience the vast vast majority of abuse happens when a child is with a person they know.

So my children know that their bodies belong absolutely to THEM and that they can say 'no' to any contact with any adult (me included). And for my dd this extends to deciding what she puts on her body (i.e. clothes) and also to boosting her self esteem by NOT telling her her choices are weird or abnormal. How could it not include those things?

And in the unbelievably unlikely event that some random perve hiding in the sand dunes uploads photos of her running around starkers on the beach then...meh. A very small price to pay for her confidence and self esteem.

So no, not naive, just fully appraised of the actual facts. Have your back.

As an aside, I think MN world is a parallel universe as I've never, ever seen any little boys wandering around the streets in dresses, or going to nursery in dresses because "that's all they'll wear."
Rightly or wrongly, it WOULD get noticed round here.

All of you who say things like 'that's just me' or 'it doesn't sit well with me' or blaming other people 'they will laugh/ridicule/bully him' should try engaging your brains and asking just why you or others think like this.

Because ultimately you are all homophobic. You think that a boy shouldn't do girlish things because that's going to be bad for him in some kind of way.

Narrow-minded doesn't even half explain your views.

Yy biwi

Are there any comments on here that might explain why you haven't seen that Sam?

I agree biwi. Homophobic and sexist - because we can't let our boys catch the girliness. God forbid.

I actually find it disturbing when people put bikini tops on little girls

Why? My DD loves her bikinis. She is usually in a rash vest though, as it is either cold (here, east coast) or too hot (abroad).

How little though primal? I think it makes a difference...

Boden kids one. Or Gap. But I'd prefer that she wore a swimsuit or full top. And she is 8, not 4.

I've heard it all now - just because I don't want my son to be laughed at
in a dress, which would definitely happen where I live, I'm homophobic. You dont half spout some rubbish in an attempt to be seen as oh so liberal. You know nothing about me or the sexuality of my loved ones. Not putting young boys in dresses has zero connection with sexuality or my views on homosexuality plain and simple Im not setting my boys up for ridicule. And as I said I'm not using them
as a social experiment to challenge society's views either.

And comments to about "catching girliness, the gay" are just plain ridiculous.

Look - DS1 is gay. I don't have to try and be liberal!

But ask yourself: why do you not want your son to wear a dress? Why do you think 'other people' with laugh?

What is the basis for this perceived ridicule?

Think

Since when have gay men wore dresses ?? That's a ridiculous and bizarre assumption to make :S

BIWI I don't need to think, you are being very patronising now. I've said several times why I wouldn't want any of my sons when they were young to wear a dress. And also what they dress like when a teenager and older then that's up to them. So that answers your first question. Why do other people laugh? Well you would really have to ask them wouldn't you. Probably because whilst it's acceptable for girls to wear dresses and trousers it just doesn't apply the other way round, no matter how much people want it to. If I sent my 8 year old DS out in a dress he would be made mincemeat of. I strongly suspect my 14 year old DS is gay - despite him never wanting to wear a dress and the only thing that bothers me about that is any possible Homophobic bullying he may face.

If it's so widely accepted for boys to wear dresses and no one to say anything or bat an eyelid... then which nursery/ school do these children attend that allow boys to wear girls clothing?

I'm not aware of any nursery or school policy which allows this so can the other posters list the places which do allow it

BIWI. I have though about why I wouldn't let a little boy wear a normal dress when we are out thank you and I understand the concept of 'thinking' before making such a decision.

I am not homophobic because I wouldn't allow a young boy to wear a dress and i would not be concerned about 'him catching girlness'. Both are stupid and insulting suggestions.

I wouldn't want little boy of mine to wear a dress because it looks silly and, while they were young, I liked them to wear boys clothes. It's not that shocking. I didn't get into debates with them about what I bought for them. I bought cute stuff and they sometimes had a bit of a preference and that was that. My boys would have looked silly in a dress. It wouldn't suit them. I also wouldn't let my boys wear overly scruffy clothes or ugly clothes. I also didn't like branded clothes either or clothes that are replica adult clothes like suits. I liked my boys to wear normal boys clothes. It's really not a big deal or a decision I need to defend.

I can't say what I would have done if I had had a child who literally insisted on wearing a dress - I would have probably just thought he was being stubborn and would not have let him. I wouldn't have seen any need for him to wear a dress to express anything. It's just a dress.

Btw I don't like bikinis on little grills or boys for that matter I also think they look silly. I wouldn't mind a bikini bottom on its own so much but a bikini top looks odd.