Please tell me I'm not the insane one? So fucked off.

[NopeSorry]

I have a newborn and 2 other children. I'm seriously sick to death of my mother's thinking.

I always knew her thinking from a teen, but now I've actually got kids in so pissed off.

My son wanted a dress, he's young. Just a fucking dress, I've brought one for him before, he puts it on and then dumps it 3 hours later anyway, there is not a problem. He used it to walk to swimming, it was so easy as it stopped his skin sticking, his words, but was then bored of it. My mother also told my daughter, when she was 5, she needed to keep a top on at the beach, or bikini top.

I'm just fucked off. My perfect sister with her perfect kids who follow all these wonderful gender stereotypes.

She wanted to take my newest baby swimming when older and take the other kids, I said that if my son chooses to walk there with a dress or my daughter doesn't want to have a top on or whatever the duck else that doesn't matter, happens, you need to follow the way I'm parenting and accept it. She said absolutely not and that "I don't want to look after your kids anyway if they don't follow my rules" I am sooo fucked off. I love her so much, but do have very specific rules that I want to do as a parent, I said she had her chance to raise us how you wanted.

AIBU to think that you follow the parents' choice of parenting?? Or not?? I'm just so fucked off with it. I know it's small, but to say that she'd not want to go to the beach with my daughter if she doesn't have a top on as she's embarrassed or whatever, that's the bit that winds me up as how can you feel that strongly that you don't want to see my kid? And the "I'll have (sisters name here) enough times anyway in the near future".

I'm raging and I know you have a lot of these gender threads, but is it enough to not let her take them out on their own? Of course they can see them when I'm there/dad is there. Because when she makes a comment, I can jump right in and stop it. I'm raging that she cares enough to not want to see them. So pissed off. So fucked off.

Nokids I'm a mental health nurse & cutting within teenagers can, absolutely be a phase.

Cutting is not "a phase".... Cutting or any self destructive behaviour is something people engage in when they feel unable to speak their pain.... When their emotional pain is buried deep down and they can't find the words to express it... They cut. Because cutting makes the pain "look real". It brings it out, in a tangible form. Dismissing such distressing behaviour as merely "a phase" without trying to understand the underlying cause is a very dangerous attitude....

social clothing wtf is that

and conforming to the norm-isnt that what hitler said people should do

some of these replies are downright ridiculous

op i hope your niece gets some suport from somewhere -your sister is vile

im glad youre not my mhn

do u tell that to your patients

I get where you are coming from OP.

Dd recently missed out on her prom because she doesn't like dresses and makeup and the parents organising the event insisted on prom dresses, she couldn't bring herself to pretend to want the fake tan, make up false nails etc that the other girls were doing and being forced to wear it just to attend a disco for 10/11 year olds in a workmans club would have made her so self conscious. I think as she's approaching puberty the gender stereotyping and pressure for kids to conform seem to be getting more and more rigid and she's struggling with why she doesn't like the gender stereotype stuff.

My Dad would tell me I should make her wear feminine clothes, and he'd make comments direct to dd, she remembers him telling her she should "make an effort, you could be so pretty" to which dd told him that she wants to be valued on what she does, not what she wears. He was never very close to her, unlike the other dc, but my Dad was sexist in other ways too and there was a lot at play, he didn't like me going against him and it was failing dd in letting her wear what she was comfy in rather than what a male family member wanted her to wear.
The grandsons could go play after lunch while he thought dd should be learning to washing up, fuck that!

It's shit to feel like there's something wrong with you when you're different, it's even shitter to get the same message from the people who are supposed to love you.

I'm not progressive, I dont encourage dd to wear anything other than what she wants, and I teach her that what people wear means nothing, it's how they act and treat others that's important and that while it's good to put others first sometimes, she shouldn't change who she is to make someone else happy.

Garlic- paedophiles will look at a young girl with no clothes on if she is at the beach/park with other girls wearing clothes. Do you think they share photos of kids wearing clothes? No, like it or not they're attracted to nudity in young children and putting a t-shirt on your 5yo daughter isn't a massive deal and could potentially protect her from predators.

I don't have an issue with boys playing 'mummy' dressing up, putting high heels on etc it's MAKE-BELIEVE. There's the difference. Saying 'my ds wanted to wear a dress and got bored after 3 hours and now I want to tell everyone he wants to wear dresses and them accept that' is the parents issue.
It is up to us as parents to teach our kids what's acceptable, what's the norm, what society expects.
If they are a teenager and are exploring their sexuality that's a completely different thing but if a small child wants to wear a dress because his sister does I think mum should explain little girls wear dresses but he can wear his nice shorts/dungarees/whatever be them pink, sparkly and covered in unicorns they're still 'boys' atire.
Putting your son in a dress will set him up for a very hard time.

but if a small child wants to wear a dress because his sister does I think mum should explain little girls wear dresses but he can wear his nice shorts/dungarees/whatever be them pink, sparkly and covered in unicorns they're still 'boys' atire.
Putting your son in a dress will set him up for a very hard time.

But why? Why on earth should we persist in this nonsense that girls wear dresses and boys wear trousers, when that's patently not the truth? Little girls wear trousers as well! Why shouldn't the OP's son wear a dress?

Why? Because it's not something we see every day so it looks out of place

As parents we tell our children not to run on the stairs and not to do this and that, we have to set boundaries

I agree with others that this is more the parents choice than the child's

If you didn't give a boy a dress or buy one for him then how could he chose to wear one?

My opinion isn't the cool opinion so feel free to slate me, but a child cannot go out and purchase a dress for himself and if the dress was taken away then they simply wouldn't have the option to freely wear one

Because he's a boy. That's why.
Because he should be bought up knowing he is a boy and if he wants to play make believe in a dress for an afternoon that's fine but buying him dresses and encouraging it could confuse him, invite ridicule and bullying as other posters have said. As I said before if he persistently wants to, every day or as he gets older and he's experimenting he prefers dresses that's when you encourage and support. It baffles me why anyone would want their son in a dress tbh

Do you think little girls get confused by being dressed in trousers?

Of course they don't.

Stupid argument.

Oh biwi please. Look around you, look at all the mums/doctors/shop assistants/every woman on the planet wearing dresses or trousers etc children see that and learn from it. Now look at all the men, the dads/doctors/shop assistants/all the men on the planet. All in trousers. That's what children see. So no a little girl won't be confused when her mum wear trousers, her teacher wears a dress and her aunty is in shorts. But a boy in a dress will go see the doctor who is wearing trousers, say goodbye as his dad goes to work, wearing trousers, goes to school where the male staff are wearing trousers.

My almost 5yo was born a boy Green but for almost a year now has been insisting that they are a girl. They wear dresses, even to school. Should I force them into shorts and polo shirts because they were born a boy? Fuck that. I'll support my kids (I have three) whatever they want to wear/be/do. You have some very outdated views there, maybe you need to update them a bit?

it baffles me why people would say dresses for girl is what soceity says we should do

what is this the 50's

Why, though, can't we allow our sons to wear dresses? Just because it challenges the status quo? What is actually wrong with it?

A boy wants to wear a dress back from swimming.. then he changes back into his other clothes. That is all.

A 5 year old girl wants to wear bikini bottoms on the beach. That is all.

A hundred years ago women always wore dresses. And corsets. Things change.

Oh I just love the idea that five year old girls should wear bikini tops in case paedos are lurking! That's brilliant! That's like missing the point of everything taken to a whole new level. Have a massive

Ragamuffin I personally feel that's too young to know but if she honestly has insisted she's a girl constantly for years and it caused her anxiety and stress etc that's a completely different thing than a child asking for a dress once or twice because their sister is wearing one. Complete respect to you for supporting her, that would break my heart.
I'm not sure where you guys live but here, boys wear trousers. Girls wear dresses.
I don't want to update my views and you might think me old fashioned but most of the population put their boys in trousers so I'll stick with them

Biwi nothing I suppose. It used to be pink for boys and blue for girls many years ago and that changed. Most of us are in the mindset of what we see every day and if/when it changes and becomes the norm that will become the general mindset

Girls clothing nowadays consists of leggings/shorts/trousers
If it didn't then it would be confusing for girls also to suddenly see another girl wearing trousers

But it does

Boys clothing does not consist of dresses. It's just not something that is seen very often so is confusing to all children who see it

A child doesn't go out and buy its own clothes. If the parents removes said item of clothing the child won't have it anymore so this is all to do with the parent dressing a young child this way

Children would beg to have sweets 5 times a day instead of fruit but we don't let them because it's not good for them

I don't think it's good for boys to wear clothing that will cause ridicule

If a teenage boy wanted to then yeah that's different, their brain has started to mature but not a young child

2yummy what utter nonsense. Boys in dresses is absolutely not confusing "to all children who see it". My 5 year old DS has a friend who prefers to dress as a girl; he's never batted an eyelid apart from to ask if he can try on his Minnie Mouse shoes. Children don't give a toss; it's the adults around them who care too much about what others might think rather than teaching children that there are no girls clothes and boys clothes, just clothes. Just as there aren't boys toys and girls toys.

It's quite healthy to raise your DCs to just go "alright then, shall we get the Playmobil out" when their mates defy other people's expectations of soicieties norms. Because what if, when they're older, they decide they want to defy those norms? What if they grow up to be different? Are we going to leave them afraid of expressing who they are so they don't offend miserable shits whose opinions count for nothing? Not on my parenting watch.

Mypocket grow up.

What you do is your business - but if you are going to berate others from wanting to protect their children from having their photos uploaded on paedophilia sites then have a back.

You are incredibly naive. But a lot of parents are unless they have had the insight into paedophilia that I & my DH have.
sometimes I think I'm unfortunate for having the knowledge & experience of the darkest areas of our society , as it can be very unsettling. The silver cloud is that I can take action to keep my children safer.

If there are 2 children in a public area and one is covered and one isn't then I will tell you now the one that isn't covered is the more vulnerable one.

Unless you have more experience in this than I do .

Whoooo- my son is already different having a number of disabilities. He's never asked to wear a dress and doesn't understand fancy dress etc however if he did I would say boys don't wear dresses to try and protect him from other people (and because it just doesn't sit right with me!) be that parents or children. Trust me people are judgmental enough about any differences nevermind a blatantly obvious one that's clearly the parents choice. When he's older and reaching his teens he will and other children will be more able to deal with judgement and criticism and understand why.

This is like some kind of spoof mumsnet thread.