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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I made my friend something, for her soon-to-be-born baby, but she said I could have it back, as she then ordered a professional set :( AIBU to be upset, or am I being a bit sensitive?

502 replies

WillH · 05/07/2016 21:12

I made letters for my son's nursery recently. She commented on how much she loved them. I know that friends say that to be nice too, but I genuinely thought she liked them.

I made her a set, which took me a couple of evenings to paint. I know that isn't ages, but I put in a lot of effort.

I gave them to her. She opened them and was a bit "oh, they're nice" but then points to a bit of paint where it isn't perfect and then goes "I'm just kidding", but it didn't feel like it. I thought she might have been, so that was that. I recently went round to her house and noticed different letters, so I pointed that out by saying "they're lovely, better than mine!" They were, but I was a little upset. She then hands me the ones I made back and said that I can have them as she "preferred the professional ones, obviously!"

Am I being over sensitive? If I am, please tell me. I've added a picture of one of the letters. Are they that bad? Again, tell me if they are!

I made my friend something, for her soon-to-be-born baby, but she said I could have it back, as she then ordered a professional set :( AIBU to be upset, or am I being a bit sensitive?
OP posts:
AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 07/07/2016 21:09

See how could she not appreciate the thoughfulness of that?

She didn't have to lie and say she LOVED them and would keep them forever, she could have just said "wow, I'm touched at how thoughtful that was of you!" - COMPLETELY honest, and not rude!

Is there any chance the bespoke ones were already on order when she got yours? (still doesn't excuse the rudeness in any way!)

MyAmDeryCross · 07/07/2016 21:15

That looks great. I would be thrilled with something like that.

Friend sounds incredibly rude. To try and hand a gift back Confused I can't even get my head around that level of rudeness.

That aside I'm sure if you sold your letter as a professional Confused people would be happy to buy it. If it was my son's initial I certainly would be asking if you were prepared to sell it.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/07/2016 21:46

pauLine what she did was extremely rude and ungrateful, you just do not give back a gift that is awful. Just because a person accepts a gift with good grace, is polite, does not mean they are a two faced bitch. Really some are on a parallel universe. I am sure op can put you in touch with her friend.

GabsAlot · 07/07/2016 21:51

op i doubt she was saying oh arent they nice because she had ordered some

u dont give a gift back u just dont

dont start feeling guilty youve done nothing wrong

SueTrinder · 07/07/2016 21:57

I really hate glittery tat. HOWEVER your friend had said she'd loved the ones you'd made and then went on to buy some that are very similar so it's not about personal taste is it, you clearly had thought about her taste when you made them. So either she's being very weird about (your really good quality) homemade things or she's deriving some pleasure from being mean to you. Either way if she didn't want them she should have put yours away and not handed them back. And made up some white lie to sooth your feelings when you commented on the other set (which in hindsight probably wasn't the best thing to do but you live and learn).

hbland · 07/07/2016 22:24

Give yourself a pat on the back. They are lovely. Wish I could make something like that. Or that someone made some for me. You can't beat homemade.

HemseyWhemsyWooChoo · 07/07/2016 22:28

I am genuinely shocked someone who is supposed to be your friend did this to you! YANBU!!!!! I'd have loved someone make something so personal for me. In the words of Catherine Tate "what a bitch!!"

sambly · 07/07/2016 23:10

They are lovely, so are you.
You deserve better friends.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 07/07/2016 23:49

Ok, another slight dissent from me:

You don't actually know this woman very well. You've known each other what, the length of a pregnancy? And you're hand making gifts (with extra special gifts for some people you like more than others?!) for everyone in your baby group? Even though you have or are about to have a newborn?

Look, she probably was embarrassed to receive such an elaborate gift (and it is elaborate. All that praise you've gotten above confirms it) from someone she doesn't know that well. She might feel beholden to you to give some equally nice back. And she doesn't want to, because you're just some nice woman from the baby group as far she's concerned.

So I think she handed them back because she felt beholden and awkward. She didn't ask for a fancy present.

And while I do see where everyone's coming from saying "she's rude" - ultimately you ASKED what she'd done with them. You can't expect her to lie. She didn't want them, she wanted the ones she ordered. You should have said nothing if you didn't want the truth.

Going forward, my advice? Stop making elaborate gifts for baby group acquaintances. Give everyone the same if you absolutely must give them something (THAT is straight from Mean Girls IMO). Only give artwork to people you really know incredibly well. Don't ask what happened to your unsolicited gift if you don't want an honest answer.

Original poster
WillH · 07/07/2016 23:52

People have closer friends than others in our group, so yes, I did do different gifts, like most people. Also, I go round her house every week, she comes round mine every week, I'm not just some random woman.

I never asked her what she did with my gift, please quote where I said that?

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 07/07/2016 23:57

She did comment that someone else's gift would have suited her better, Holdmecloser?

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 07/07/2016 23:59

Er, your very first post!

I recently went round to her house and noticed different letters, so I pointed that out by saying "they're lovely, better than mine!" They were, but I was a little upset.

What's that if not wondering where your letters are?! You should have realised she's done what everyone on the thread says they'd do and shoved them in a drawer because she didn't particularly like them.

I go around other mums houses all the time. That's not a close enough relationship to be hand making artwork for them without being asked. You have known each other a matter of months. Just back off a little. Coming on crazy strong is not the best way to make a strong friendship.

I have a feeling you're going to do sad emojis and "oh I'm a fool"stuff now. Please don't. It wasn't the smartest thing to have done but you're not a bad person, you just need to chill out a bit. She has been rude but you really put her on the spot. Don't give people fancy presents out of the blue, and don't ask what happened to them if they aren't displayed as you expect.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 08/07/2016 00:04

Yeah Molly that was rude (although it was in a group so I guess it depends on how the conversation was going? Although it was probably just straightforwardly rude).

She's a rude person. If OP had known her more than a few months it would probably have been obvious she wasn't worth spending days making presents for.

Although if an acquaintance from baby group gave me something as personal as art, that they spent days on, and was handing out gifts based on a heirarchy of friendship, (in public too, not even on the sly!) I would be pretty confused and uncomfortable and I might act rudely trying to avoid feeling obliged to get my acquaintance something elaborate in turn.

Lilacpink40 · 08/07/2016 00:08

She sounds like a spoilt brat. Either that or she has a weird complex about gifts.

I don't think that you were giving to receive anything back. My friends would have been happy and impressed if I'd made something like that for them as a surprise.

Try to put this behind you, but if it's not a one-off you could focus on other friendships.

100milesanhour · 08/07/2016 00:11

I think the letter are brilliant!

Your "friend" is rude.

I'm shocked that she actually had the balls to return them to you.

I wouldn't be going out my way for this person so if she messaged you, become busy that day

LellyMcKelly · 08/07/2016 05:48

What a cow! She was mean and horrible. Yours look fab. I would happily buy yours.

Sassyzen · 08/07/2016 08:49

I would go and get a new friend... that person is ungrateful and frightfully rude, with zero tact in my opinion.

Expat777 · 08/07/2016 09:01

Sad as it might seem she is not a friend. Do yourself a favour and keep your distance you surely don't need this. UANBU she is.

OliveV · 08/07/2016 15:20

So rude... To the people telling you not to give gifts, WTAF? She's doing a nice thing. They are good friends, IMO. Well, before this... I don't invite acquaintance to my house each week, do you? Hmm

BolshierAryaStark · 08/07/2016 16:28

Wow, cannot believe a friend would be that fucking rude!
I think yours look fab, I'll be your friend Wink

Mama1980 · 08/07/2016 16:50

I'll be your friend op, I have 2 sons who would love those letters Wink
She was very rude, a gift is a gift. I love handmade stuff. I make a baby blanket for each of my nieces and nephews when they are born (I'm one of 6 I have a million nieces and nephews!) my eldest niece I made a different shape one, it is....odd but I didn't have time to fix it, 8 years later she still loves it and calls it her Auntie1980 s wonky blanket. She loves it more than any number of other ones she was given. It's the effort and love that counts, if your friend doesn't get that I would simply distance myself from her.

dora38 · 08/07/2016 17:12

Nasty bitch

Expat777 · 08/07/2016 17:31

Holdmeclosetonydanza cool it a bit. Op was maybe a little clingy, but doesn't deserve a mauling.

StrangeLookingParasite · 08/07/2016 17:37

Handing back a present is a friendship ender for me. I just won't tolerate it.

Hushabyelullaby · 08/07/2016 19:51

What a rude, ungrateful, cow, a friend wouldn't treat you that way!

Surely if this person was a real friend they'd at least keep them and say thank you to you recognising the love and effort that you'd put in to making them.