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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I made my friend something, for her soon-to-be-born baby, but she said I could have it back, as she then ordered a professional set :( AIBU to be upset, or am I being a bit sensitive?

502 replies

WillH · 05/07/2016 21:12

I made letters for my son's nursery recently. She commented on how much she loved them. I know that friends say that to be nice too, but I genuinely thought she liked them.

I made her a set, which took me a couple of evenings to paint. I know that isn't ages, but I put in a lot of effort.

I gave them to her. She opened them and was a bit "oh, they're nice" but then points to a bit of paint where it isn't perfect and then goes "I'm just kidding", but it didn't feel like it. I thought she might have been, so that was that. I recently went round to her house and noticed different letters, so I pointed that out by saying "they're lovely, better than mine!" They were, but I was a little upset. She then hands me the ones I made back and said that I can have them as she "preferred the professional ones, obviously!"

Am I being over sensitive? If I am, please tell me. I've added a picture of one of the letters. Are they that bad? Again, tell me if they are!

I made my friend something, for her soon-to-be-born baby, but she said I could have it back, as she then ordered a professional set :( AIBU to be upset, or am I being a bit sensitive?
OP posts:
Oakley02 · 07/07/2016 20:17

Then we have done our job in showing you are a super friend who does not appreciate your endeavours. I have one of those too..... x

Unipottimus · 07/07/2016 20:18

If the other letters are an O an H and a T I'll buy them, my DS would go absolutely potty over it! Captain America! Sheeesh, you're one of these Mum's I wish I could be (I bet you can bake, garden, crochet AND look glamorous at all times too!). Your friend is a horrible person and should not be a friend. I'm happy to replace her Grin
.
Chin up xx

charlotte12 · 07/07/2016 20:25

What a snotty cow. Your letters are bloody great and I would buy a set! Xx give her some more letters spelling one of the words we are all thinking 😂😂😂😂😂

pennycann · 07/07/2016 20:25

They are lovely, I would be very happy if somebody had taken the time to make something when I had my son, even now he would love letters like that he is avengers mad it a gift that would have lasted. Your friend is very ungrateful.

Gingeete · 07/07/2016 20:33

I was given lots of homemade things for both my children, some of which have sat in drawers as I don't like them. I know it's ungrateful but I don't want any old shit on view in my house. I love my friends but we all have very different taste. I would never give anything back but I am guilty of hiding it away.

Original poster
WillH · 07/07/2016 20:34

I was a bit gutted, I wasn't sure if I should mention it, I don't want to be a drama llama Grin but I had baby group this morning... We had a lovely talk about gifts, some people still had babies to still be born/some have been born. It's not really a baby group it's a pregnancy/baby group!

I make all gifts for my better friends in the group and then a batch of small handmade stuff for the other mums/mums-to-be. It's a bit sad as I would have classed her as my closest friend in the group! Sad so I suppose I did but more effort into her gift. The other one of my friends describes the gift I made. It was just a little box that had little bits in. She goes "ah, that would have been a lovely gift" is it me or is that saying that would have been much nicer? To be honest, I'm thinking of moving on from the group now we have are all at the end of our pregnancy/at the end.

Really have enjoyed readings these comments, thank you very much!

OP posts:
Original poster
WillH · 07/07/2016 20:35

As in, the lady who I made the letters for said that

OP posts:
lorilobs · 07/07/2016 20:41

Cheeky bitch!
I think she's very rude and ungrateful to not lovingly accept your thoughtful gift.
Not nice other at all.

roxy2102 · 07/07/2016 20:42

That's was a very kind gesture from u ur so called friend is ungrateful and doesn't deserve ur time or the lovely thoughtful gift u made. u know ur self it may not be perfect as u know ur not a professional but it's really great u should be proud of yourself and should ignore that petty ungrateful friend keep making your things for people that do genuinely like them and would love them and not through them back in your face and it's fine to be upset by what she done I know I would be

Paulinerh5 · 07/07/2016 20:45

How important is this person and her friendship to you? Is there currency and interest in it? If so is it enough to overlook an indiscretion? I wouldn't listen to any of the comments advising you to ditch your friend. Why not go a little deeper and ask yourself what exactly is bothering you? Is iit that you feel she didn't appreciate all your hard work, or does it even have anything to do with her not wanting what you made? Could this be a pattern, where if people do
not react the way you think they should, you throw a fit and question their loyalty!

What's her crime? She didn't want it and didn't want to lie, doesn't mean she doesn't appreciate you. I'd rather have a friend who tells me the truth than a two faced lightweight who tells me exactly what they think I want to hear while watching me make the biggest mistake of my life! She's my kind of person and friend. Ignore the foul mouth angry probably don't have any real friends themselves brigade. You have a choice how you view what happened. She didn't want your letters, she didn't
Steal your money or partner!

nousernames · 07/07/2016 20:48

Oh wow my friend handmade us the same thing for ds. So just on the off chance that you're my friend, I love ours!

Original poster
WillH · 07/07/2016 20:48

Pauline, I see what you're saying but if she was thins 100% amazing truthful person (in your eyes) why tell me how much she loved the letters? It surely can't work one day and not the other as how would I ever know when she is telling the truth?

OP posts:
pickles90 · 07/07/2016 20:51

I want you to make me some!!! They are lovely... people like that shoulnt have frienda like you :) x

LottieDoubtie · 07/07/2016 20:52

pauline how about you stop trying to get a rise out of the OP?

Her friend was blindingly obviously rude, you don't had gifts back to the giver! Especially if they have spent hours personalising them for your child FFS!

moreshitandnofuckingredemption · 07/07/2016 20:55

She sounds really unpleasant. She's had repeated digs at you, she's been very rude returning your gift. I would definitely be distancing myself from her.

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 07/07/2016 20:57

Pauline, I see what you're saying but if she was thins 100% amazing truthful person (in your eyes) why tell me how much she loved the letters? It surely can't work one day and not the other as how would I ever know when she is telling the truth?

I'm thinking that when she told you she loved them she wasn't expecting you to give them, she was looking forward to choosing/ordering/picking bespoke ones herself and had specific patterns in mind etc

She still shouldn't have said anything about yours to your face though.

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 07/07/2016 20:58

I'd rather have a friend who tells me the truth than a two faced lightweight who tells me exactly what they think I want to hear

It's a gift!

Not "should I leave the bastard?"

There's a place for brutal honesty, gift exchange is not it!

Marysunshine · 07/07/2016 21:00

Don't trouble yourself about this anymore - you did a nice and unselfish thing. The consensus on here is that you are talented and a kind friend.

The issue with this woman is not wether she was honest or not - the issue is she was blatently rude, unnecessarily hurtful and clearly so far up her own rear end she has no social graces to recommend her to anyone as a friend!

Original poster
WillH · 07/07/2016 21:00

Oh okay... Sad damn, I should have thought about that

OP posts:
travellinghopefully12 · 07/07/2016 21:01

Pauline

I completely disagree. OP's friend could have been nicer about it, even if she didn't like the letters. Also they are gorgeous.

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 07/07/2016 21:03

Why? gifts don't have to be perfect

I would appreciate the effort and though

I wouldn't like Marvel stuff for a new baby personally and I woudn't keep it (I would NOT give it back to the giver!), but I'ld really appreciate the effort and thought and hopefully thats what the gift giver would see

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 07/07/2016 21:04

thought

Original poster
WillH · 07/07/2016 21:06

I wouldn't pick Marvel either, but that was the theme of the room...

OP posts:
Clandestino · 07/07/2016 21:07

Wow. I'm not going to insult cows. She's a proper bitch.

Jedimum1 · 07/07/2016 21:07

I would have loved to have something like that. That said, I think that your friend might not necessarily be all the adjectives that have flown around. Some people are a bit over the top with the nursery and want everything over-coordinated right down to the stitching of the curtains. She might have loved the idea of having them, then saw some that in her opinion went better with her idealised idea of a nursery, and didn't know how to tell you.

I think it's a shame but I wouldn't take it too personally. I think she might be the kind of person that eventually prefers to get a shop-bought present for Mothers Day than a handcrafted figurine made by DS in school. Some people don't fully appreciate the crafts and feel they are second best to retail items. Shame, though. I would love to have some! However, I don't think it means she's not a good friend, just a bit ungrateful and obviously with no idea of what goes onto that.