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Original poster

Bridesmaid has gained weight and can't fit into dress

341 replies

StressedOutB2B · 05/07/2016 16:31

I am getting married in 2 weeks. I have three bridesmaids my sister and two adult friends. All the bridesmaids had a dress fitting 3 months ago thy had a say in their dresses etc and all was fine. The dresses were £260 each I paid obviously.

Today the dresses were delivered and one of the bridesmaids has gained so much weight she can't fit into it and it's cutting her under the arms and won't do up at the back. Straining to do it up she ripped a seam. Ok these things happen but now she wants me to pay for a new dress the other one can't be taken out enough. She's not pregnant in case anyone asks she is a yo yo dieter.

I don't see why I should pay another £260 for her dress she doesn't want to be out of pocket but I think she's being ridiculous and now she's refusing to speak to me and said I'm fat shaming her. I think she should at least offer! Who is BU?

OP posts:
EarthboundMisfit · 05/07/2016 20:33

Cross post, OK, she's a nightmare. Frankly, I'd tell her she needs to make the contribution to alterations as agreed or take a different role.

Original poster
StressedOutB2B · 05/07/2016 20:34

I didn't ask her for presents we didn't have a list or poem or anything. I'm just going to pay it for the sake of the friendship I think and deal with how I feel about her after the wedding.

OP posts:
Justbeingnosey123 · 05/07/2016 20:34

How is it your choice she gained weight? Personally I think you have been fair I would nicely say enough is enough you want her at the day but over £300 on 1 bridesmaid is ridiculous in my opinion

Firsttimer82 · 05/07/2016 20:34

Having been a bridesmaid 8 times I can tell you it is an expensive activity. Hendos to pay for and usually you over pay on the night as non bridesmaid hens can be tight, presents for the bride, hen book, night in a hotel or two for the wedding and hen, shoes, hair, new foundation, petrol money/train fair to help pick the dress etc.etc. etc. I have happily done this everytime because that is what being a bridesmaid is and its a joy but the least you can expect out of it is a dress that fits.

Clearly its hideous to not fit in a dress and embarrassing so as the bride and her friend you should have reassured her and whisked the dress away to be altered or just bought a new one. Being a bride is stressful but so is being a bridesmaid, especially if you aren't confident or having to stand next to other women in the same dress (honestly who the hell invented that torture) so just be classy and buy her the new dress, don't stress about it, don't worry about it just throw some money as the situation and get on with your wedding. £500 is not worth worrying about in the scheme of things. If this is the biggest problem you have in the run up to your wedding you are doing well. Rise above it. And have a fabulous stress free wedding!!! xx

Original poster
StressedOutB2B · 05/07/2016 20:34

I think by condition she means her weight always going up and down.

OP posts:
user7755 · 05/07/2016 20:37

£500 is not worth worrying about in the scheme of things? Shock

That was a bloody big percentage of the whole cost of our wedding!

TribbleTrouble · 05/07/2016 20:37

First People have budgets, not everyone can summon up £260 on a whim and a prayer. Why should the OP throw money at something that she didn't cause, she's offered to pay for alterations, what more can she do? The friend should have offered to help with the cost, not just throw a fit at the OP.

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 05/07/2016 20:38

She's pushing you away OP

She doesn't want to be BM, but she doesn't want to admit that, she's goading you into firing her.

I would reply "I'm sorry you feel that way, but no amount of compassion will magic up another £260 when I've already paid for a dress, I never chose to have to buy a second one. I can afford £40 towards alterations, it's up to you now, you know I want you to be a bridesmaid, but I can't pay for you twice over. Let me know if you want to go ahead with alterations or if you'ld prefer to wear your own cloths to the day, an extra dress at this late stage in the day is impossible"

boggysiscuit · 05/07/2016 20:38

This happened to me.

I didn't find out about it until after I'd got back from honeymoon, otherwise I might have posted this very same thread.

My sister got the dress delivered to her and it was too small. Without telling me, she went on a weird juice diet for the remaining three weeks before the wedding and all was well on the day.

I hope it works out for you.

Scarydinosaurs · 05/07/2016 20:39

What condition?? Are you asking her to pay for the £40 to repair it? Your message didn't seem clear to me? You have already paid £260, right?

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 05/07/2016 20:39

If I'd had to fork out £500 on one bridesmaid I would have been worrying, it would be a lot of money to me!

My bridesmaids got off lightly by the sound of things - my hen do was a meal at a local restaurant, they could do what the wanted with their hair and make up, they didn't have to stay at the hotel (which wasn't expensive anyway) and I took their dresses to them so all they had to do was turn up on the day and help me get dressed!

EarthboundMisfit · 05/07/2016 20:40

Adulting great post.

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 05/07/2016 20:40

£500 is not worth worrying about in the scheme of things

Um. yeah it is! The OP presumably still has to pay her rent/mortgage plus bills as well as getting married

If the budgeted for items are bought already, and the wedding budget is spent, then it's spent.

An extra £260 is obviously £260 the OP doesn't have to spare in her "friendship saving account" if all she has for alterations is £40

ellie264 · 05/07/2016 20:42

I think you should say that you will pay for alterations, and ask her to try and arrange that (you have enough to worry about 2 weeks before the wedding). If she is unable to find someone to do alterations for a reasonable price, then she will either have to buy a new dress herself or step down from official BM duty. You are not being unreasonable to refuse to buy a new dress, it is a lot of money and not your fault. I can sympathise with how gutted and mortified she must feel though.

Chippednailvarnishing · 05/07/2016 20:42

I'd send what Adulting suggested and promptly drop her after the wedding unless her crap attitude improves.

With friends like her you don't need enemies!

LilacInn · 05/07/2016 20:42

The BM has failed and it's up to her to make good the situation - either by exerting herself to strategize and pay for alterations to the dress, or to volunteer to step down.

How absurd to say this is the bride's problem and that the onus is on the bride to coddle the BM's feelings and pay out additional funds and otherwise take responsibility for making things right. The BM should be abject in her apologies and energetic in her efforts to salvage the situation.

Bride, can you find someone to fit into the dress as-is and give the BM a reading or some other task to do (if she insists)?

AprilSkies44 · 05/07/2016 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Justbeingnosey123 · 05/07/2016 20:43

It's obviously completely up to you but if your not sure how you feel about her and the friendship are you sure you want her in the wedding party? I only say that as I have a friend who kept making allowances for a bridesmaid got through the day but friendship was ruined now she hates her wedding photos cause said BM is in most of them.

As for being a BM is expensive yes it is but I think everyone knows that signing up to it! You have to do what you can afford but that goes both ways the bride should have to just keep shelling out for me £260 is loads of money for a dress £500 is not nothing in the scheme of things

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 05/07/2016 20:44

but over £300 on 1 bridesmaid is ridiculous in my opinion

so what if not everyone would chose to spend £260 per BM dress, everyone's budget is allocated slightly differently.

TBH if the dresses were cheap and easily replacable, IMO the BM would still find a reason to push the OP away. I really think she is in a low place and doesn't feel like being on show but at the moment she finds it easier to fall out with the OP than admit this!

PerspicaciaTick · 05/07/2016 20:45

I'd have to work 80 hours to get close to earning £500 net.
I would worry about it terribly.

LavenderLedge · 05/07/2016 20:46

If you pay this she'll wipe her feet on you the rest of your lives. Don't be a mug.

thepothasboiledover · 05/07/2016 20:46

Sorry but you've tried to accommodate and she's being an arse. Tell her you can't afford to pay any more so if she can't help out she can't be bridesmaid and YOUR MONEY is wasted Hmm

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 05/07/2016 20:51

If you pay this she'll wipe her feet on you the rest of your lives.

I agree so far as the wedding goes
If you got her a brand new dress, in the kind of mood she's displaying, she'll find another problem to try and push you away right now.

Justbeingnosey123 · 05/07/2016 20:52

adulting don't think that came across right sorry, I wasn't questioning how much the op is spending on her dresses I was trying to say ops been more than fair in the amount she's offered to spend on the dress

Firsttimer82 · 05/07/2016 20:52

I didn't mean that £500 is nothing (its a lot to me trust me) but clearly its a fairly expensive wedding as she is spending £260 on BM dresses each. Alterations are obviously a better solution I take your point. But too many people fall out about weddings and you never really know what people are going through so I would just pay to avoid others and my own stress. But I can see the otherside too.