Things DH does that make me want to scream.

[Reality]

LIGHT FUCKING HEARTED

When he hangs the washing on the rotary, he double spaces it 'so it will dry quicker'. It doesn't dry any quicker, it just means you can put less out.

He always uses the smallest possible pan 'to conserve energy' which invariably means the pasta or whatever boils over.

His floordrobe of worn once clothes. Why, for the love of god, why?

When he goes to the shop, he takes the 'exact' change that he guesstimates he'll need. Obviously this means he often comes back with missing items due to not taking enough cash.

He randomly drops to the floor and starts doing press ups or sit ups or planks or whatever his latest exercise thing is.

I love him to ends of the earth and back but bloody hell sometimes he baffles me.

AIBU?

Turns out, instead of the Wife I thought I had, I'm married to all of your Husbands!

Hangs his towel on the bannister/ radiator rather than the hooks in the bathroom. Then forgets to take it in the next day so uses mine, which he then hangs on the bannister/radiator so I get in the shower with no towel.

Puts dirty plates/ cutlery/ etc on top of the dishwasher rather than in it, regardless of whether it is empty.

Love this.

Also have one that can't find what is right in front of his nose.

Insists on putting the washing out on the line to dry even when it's just about to bloody rain because he can't stand clothes drying any other way.

Always has to carry cash which means he just spends his wages quicker as the money burns a hole.

Won't put the dishwasher on until it actually has every single plate/utensil/bottle in it so then we have to wait for a cycle to run before we can eat/feed the baby/actually do anything (or just wash up what we need which of course is far too much hassle).

Is passionate about hoovering but the mess on the floor/kitchen workrooms can remain for all eternity

Insists on buying environmentally friendly cleaning products that don't smell of anything and aren't nearly as affective as their planet damaging, chemically induced sweet smelling counterparts

Puts stuff down, loses it, spends ages looking for it, finds it. Repeat ad infinity

I actually love him more than life itself but he drives me bonkers

Blaming their mothers was a semi jocular remark. My dh came from a generation where boys weren't expected to do chores by their mums. Daughters were.

Breathing

After he's washed up he leaves the bowl of dirty water just sitting there!

Leaves his tea spoon by the kettle

Leaves the breadboard (full of crumbs) and knife on the worktop - it's right next to the dishwasher!

Insists on showing me 'funny' things on the laptop when I say I'm busy/not interested

Interrupts me when I'm talking without bloody letting me finish a sentence or wanders off while I'm still talking

Leaves the ironing board up right in the middle of the bloody kitchen. Just put it away!

Sneezing. It's a ridiculous little irritating noise

The list is endless

Yes to walking off when I'm in the middle of speaking. Best thing is he's usually asked me a question but walks off when I'm answering.

Walking extremely effing slow around supermarkets
Hanging coats up on top of doors, despite having hangers
putting shoes UNDER the shoe cupboard instead of in it
Watching sport - of any sort - constantly - moaning because I fall asleep when watching the said sport - as though me sleeping 'forces' him to watch the sport - and so on..

I love this thread!

I also just emailed my list to husband while in work - his response "I haven't got time to list ALL of yours, sorry"

hahaha ;)

Walking around for half an hour to find a cashpoint with no queue because he can't wait in a queue for a single minute.

Driving or walking a really convoluted route everywhere to shave 0.00001 miles off the distance.

Having a conversation with a half chewed sandwich in his mouth. Then get pissed of with me for grimacing.

Slurping his breakfast cereal because he's used half a carton of milk for one bowl.

Making a pot of tea using three teabags & drinking one cup from it.

Asks me to taste his cooking then flies into a rage if I suggest salt / stock cube / not boiling the veg to death.

Opening something perishable, nibbling a corner, then putting it back in the fridge with no intention of eating the rest. Ever.

Leaving drawers / cupboards open.

Not binning rubbish / leaving banana skins etc on the counter / stuffing a load of paper, cardboard etc into regular bin thus filling it up. Or just putting rubbish on the kitchen floor when paper / recycling bin is full.

When I ask for food to be done the way I like it, so y'know I might actually enjoy it, accuses me of being controlling / micromanaging etc... When I always serve his the way he prefers!

hangs towel up over the bedroom door, as he thinks it dries better there than on the heated towel rail in the bathroom.

Cannot choose a parking space in a half empty car park. Drives around for ages considering the options. JUST PARK THE FUCKING CAR.

He has the loudest fucking yawn in the world. Sounds like a walrus having a orgasm.

He has a doordrobe, where he throws about 5 days of worn-once items over the top of the door so I can't bloody close it.

But the one most likely to make me actually murder him is that he is never ready to leave when he says he is.
Me: are you ready to go?
Him: yes.
Me: as in walk out the door right now?
Him: yes.
Me: walks out door
Him: spends five minutes putting on shoes, finding his glasses and wallet, finding and filling a water bottle - we are going 20 minutes down the road. To a fucking café. Not the fucking Kalahari! - finding keys and his phone and the fucking Holy Grail
Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh.

I think I am a bad husband

I have a floordrobe, employ the sniff test on clothing, have a tendency to leave yesterday's pants wherever I took them off, leave a teaspoon next to the kettle. Don't blame my DM, she raised me right!

(At least I'm not a spoony fucker though.)

When he eats crisps it sounds like he's eating a bag of rocks?!

His mouth must have the acoustics of an opera house

Buzzy you emailed your husband at work with a "lighthearted" list of all his faults?! I would be bloody annoyed if dp did this to me!!

Oh yes DH is always the last one to leave the house.

We'll be in the car and he'll be in the loo, then putting his contacts in, maybe having a last minute shave and then painfully slowly putting his shoes on.

Why?

Ooh, I need to vent too

His ridiculously OTT hayfever sneezes - AAAAA TTTTTTISHHHOOOO. They are often prefaced by AAA, AAA, AAA, no it's gone, no, AAAAA TTTIIISSSHHOOO. Learn how to sneeze quietly, for the love of God

The belief I know where everything is and then getting in a huff when I won't drop what I'm doing and find it. Actual conversation the other day

Him "do you know where the bank thingy is" (code for the little machine some banks give out for online banking - his bank has one, mine doesn't so I never use it)
Me "no"
Him huffily "can you help me look?"
Me "have you tried all the drawers" (where it normally is)
Him "yes, it's not in ANY of them"
Me "well I don't use it, I've no idea where it might be"
Him very huffily "Fine, I just won't do the online banking then"

Having to be the DIY assistant - which involves him shouting "can you give me a hand", me stopping whatever I'm doing (or making him wait, which he huffs about), going and finding him, then me standing around for ages until he needs me for 5 seconds to pass him something, or hold something. If I try and do something else whilst waiting he gets grumpy. I am not allowed to ask questions or express an opinion on said DIY, even if it's obvious all is going wrong. He is allowed to explain like a Blue Peter presenter the minutiae of the wiring or plumbing or whatever.

Floordrobe in our house is by the loo in the en suite. We have a laundry basket. No-one in the house uses it except me.

Controversial one - doing the washing. Yes, it's lovely he knows how to turn the washing machine on. But - he doesn't sort it properly, or treat stains, so it's often whites mixed in with his black socks, and I have to wash it again. Even more controversially, he then hangs it up, only in such a way that everything ends up terribly creased and crumpled, and then I have to iron it - taking me longer than if I'd hung it up and shaken it out as I went. Often I re-hang it, cue the reproachful look.

On the other hand, I am the one who leaves the wet towels on the bed.... Hey ho, no-one's perfect.

Oh, yes the sneezes. It's like he shouts at the same time. Surely that's avoidable?

I see your floodrobe and raise you a bannisterrobe. DH hangs all his worn clothes over the top of the upstairs railings. Our front door is directly in front of the stairs so the first sight greeting anyone as they come into our home is a pile of DH's laundry.

Everything DS related has to go through me for checking for some reason. E.g.
DH: "DS has done a poo. Should I change his nappy?"
Me: "Errr...What do you think?!"
DH: "I'll go and change him".
DH goes off and changes him. I'm left wondering what the point of that conversation was!

I was just about to add that to my list outofaces! As soon as you come in our front door there is a coat cupboard which has a door so all costs etc are out of site, but DH and now DSs still think that the bottom of the stairs banister is the only place to hang their coats and dirty sweatshirts

Laundry re-hanger here too.

Also re-wash the dishes. And if I find dirty baking tins inside the oven one more time...

Anyone else reading this and thinking about the 'incompetent husband' thread?!

My husband does many of the previously mentioned things.

However- I am not a huge fan of Christmas, we have no children, I haven't spent Christmas with my side of the family since I moved to where we live in 2002 usually becasue one or both of us have been working xmas eve or boxing day or both all of those years. I would be perfectly happy to not have any decorations up. Just pig out on Xmas day after coming back from seeing his family, and watch shit films.

Half way through November he starts asking when will we (therefore meaning me) be putting the decorations up. I put them up last year on the first weekend in December- he drapes three bits of tinsel around picture/mirror frames and drapes the loops of beads over the hooks we have up for that purpose. I don't even ask him to get the decorations downstairs for me.

Then, after Christmas I remove all of the decorations and pack them away so they don't get damaged and all I ask is that he carries them upstairs and outs them away on the cupboard in the spare room.

Ladies and gents- they are still downstairs in a corner of the living room. I refuse to put them away when it's the only job in relation to Christmas I ask him to do. I am quite willing to state that they'll still be there the first weekend in December when he whines thathe wants them up.

Oh and not related to Xmas- he rips open the cheese packaging so it can't be wrapped up again and then it dries out, and he never ever puts lids securely on to jars and bottles. I learned about that the hard way 14 years ago.
He thinks I can just use Accio to summon his dirty clothes from upstairs and usually half an hour before bed he'll mention that he's run out of clean socks and underwear/t-shirts and needs them for work the next morning- when he leaves for work at 7.

When my DH wipes around the work surfaces in the kitchen, he doesn't wring out the cloth properly so he wipes with a wet, rather than damp, cloth. The surfaces end up with a layer of water on which, although it's clean, makes me

... so as a matter of purely academic interest, do you lot chuck once-worn jeans, tops etc into the laundry at the end of the day? Because unless you have a tendency to sweat like a horse, once-worn stuff isn't generally dirty. Is it?

But it's not clean either, so you can't hang it back up or fold it away, that would be minging. I'm genuinely baffled as to what to do with once-worn stuff that you'd like another wear of. DH doesn't have a floordrobe as such, but I do. Well, it's more of a top-of-chest-of-drawersrobe. Or I hang stuff over the folded heated airer that seems to live in the corner of our bedroom. It bugs me because it's basically a heap of once-worn (ok sometimes twice-worn) clothing, but what am I meant to do? Laundry is done daily as it is, and I wash at 40 or below for environmental reasons. If everyone washed their clothes after every single wash we'd be screwed, environmentally.