To be offended by this comment from the HV?

[frangipani13]

I'm of Indian descent and DH is white, we have a gorgeous baby who had a health check with the local clinic the other day.
We went in and were met by a HV who, after saying hello said "Ooooh isn't she fair?" I said "Sorry?" So she added, looking at me then back to the baby "You know, her skin, it's very light". I was a bit annoyed at the time but am sort of used to it as we live in a small town outside London that's not very diverse. Baby has an usual - but not particuarly exotic name (think Greek mythology, i.e. Ariadne) and they often struggle to pronounce her name when I get her weighed.
DH said he couldn't see why I was annoyed but it really irked me. Would she comment on the appearance of every baby she saw? I'm ready to accept that I might be being sensitive but it's been playing on my mind all weekend.

"" "baby very yellow, but father Chinese'"shock

Was the midwife Bernard Manning?

How bloody ignorant!"

What should they have written instead?

"I think people are not fully understanding the differences between commentating on a white person's skin and a non white person's skin"

Isn't it a form of racism in itself to say that white skin can be commented on and non-white skin can't be? Why can't non-white skin be commented on if the comment is not discriminatory?
Can I not tell a black friend who's been in the sun that I can see she's darker or am I not allowed to comment on the skin of any non-white people?

It would annoy me too. When ds was born we got a comments, isnt he fair/dark/lovely colour. One of the first things my midwife said was "dad don't worry, his colour will come on in the next few days" to which my dh replied "look, all i care is that he is breathing, not what bloddy colour he is".

How do you know what they prefer?
By educating myself on what's considered racist. You seem to have already known that "oriental" is often considered racist. Most people don't like being referred to by terms considered racist. Funny that.

If someone corrects me and I thought I had it right, I'd ask them to get me up to speed on what's current. Times do change (but not that fast).

Get a grip and don't be so sensitive. It was a passing comment which could have been ''haven't they got a lot of hair/ long fingers" or anything such like. I really hate this looking to feel offended stance that seems so commonplace now. If that's the worse comment you hear in your life you'll not be doing badly. Save your offence for something that warrants it.

"You seem to have already known that "oriental" is often considered racist. Most people don't like being referred to by terms considered racist. Funny that."

There's no rule book for what word is right and what isn't and it changes all the time. There are people who call themselves autistics and diabetics and others who insist that they are 'people with diabetes', etc. Being 'of colour' is usually fine, but 'coloured' isn't. I was called racist for referring to 'non-white' people. You really don't know what word a particular person might prefer.

Why not Mrs Devere? Your one word answer is hardly helpful.

Mrs DeVere, I didn't say it was racism against white people. I was thinking it could be considered racist against the non-white person if the colour of their skin can never be talked about as if it was something shameful. You're making something normal into a taboo if you say it can never be mentioned.

I'll ask you again about my example of commenting that a black friend has caught the sun. Are you saying that's racist? Wouldn't it be worse if I stopped hanging around with people because the extreme-PC brigade have a list of subjects that can't be talked about and words that can't be used and I can't keep up with it?

My dd is very blonde and pale. We were in a tourist spot and there wee Americans walking towards us and one man said very loudly "oh look, there's a baby who'she never seen the sun" .

*Was not wee
Who's not Who'she

I don't think HV meant to offend you

It sounds like she was just making conversation to me. I have 6 red haired children and everytime we go to the hv or doctor or anywhere people comment on it, things like "wow wouldnt lose them in a crowd" or " you can tell which kids are yours cant you!"

i dont find simple comments offensive.

Some people can be offensive - at a doctors with dc4 as a baby a man said to me " my wife always said if our children were born with red hair when would kill herself"
which seemed more than a tad rude.

There's no rule book for what word is right and what isn't and it changes all the time.

And yet you seem to know that "oriental" is considered offensive by some and still seem to wonder why it isn't OK to use it.

IF YOU ALREADY KNOW some people will consider it offensive, don't use it.

I don't think anyone's going to turn around and say "but why aren't you calling me 'oriental' or 'p**i'. I like those terms!"

As MrsDevere says, you are an adult with access to the internet.

drspouse - people don't have time to check the Internet before making small talk, do they?
I also gave you the example of when I was told it was racist to use 'non-white', yet everyone else seems to do it. Not that simple is it?

But you already knew that "oriental" could be offensive yet you were ARGUING it's awkward not to use it.

I have dark hair and pale skin, I'm of irish decent. My husband is blonde with darker skin, well he's gray now. When our children were little they had white blonde hair and skin like their dad. One woman asked me if they were mine. Also the hv was "horrified" my kids went to a Catholic school to be "indoctrinated". I think some hvs are a law unto themselves, I feel your pain.