To be offended by this comment from the HV?

[frangipani13]

I'm of Indian descent and DH is white, we have a gorgeous baby who had a health check with the local clinic the other day.
We went in and were met by a HV who, after saying hello said "Ooooh isn't she fair?" I said "Sorry?" So she added, looking at me then back to the baby "You know, her skin, it's very light". I was a bit annoyed at the time but am sort of used to it as we live in a small town outside London that's not very diverse. Baby has an usual - but not particuarly exotic name (think Greek mythology, i.e. Ariadne) and they often struggle to pronounce her name when I get her weighed.
DH said he couldn't see why I was annoyed but it really irked me. Would she comment on the appearance of every baby she saw? I'm ready to accept that I might be being sensitive but it's been playing on my mind all weekend.

Typo- should've read give these professionals a break

I had a different HV with each baby so 4 in all. The only one who annoyed me was when I had baby2. I had tried really hard to prepare my first born and he had helped choose things for the baby, I had a home delivery so I wasn't away from him and he helped with baby's first bath. He absolutely adored his new baby brother. you would think that was good wouldn't you but no the HV said it wasn't normal, he must be hiding his true feelings, he was 3, and that I should watch out as the baby may not be safe. Barking mad I reckon!

@ trafficking a grandad!

Yes they do comment on every baby, comments by ALL midwives/HV about DS "isn't he long". At first I found that a bit odd but then realised they say something similar to everyone and obviously sometimes they choose a feature to comment on that will cause offence. It sounds a thoughtless comment from a busy HV more than anything to me.

Bubbles gave the context as to why comments about skin colour are intrinsically potentially problematic. Other posters have given examples of crass, unacceptable comments by HVs - this is not 'bashing' professionals. It doesn't matter whether the HV meant anything by her comment or meant to offend. All people in jobs where they are dealing with the public need to be aware of the parameters within which conversations, small talk whatever should take place but HC professionals have an even greater responsibility. And this applies to a range of other issues as well - just go over to threads on disability or the SN board where people are subject to daily thoughtless, 'didn't mean to offend' stupid, 'ist' comments from HC professionals . It might be expected, sadly, from random strangers in the supermarket but it's totally unacceptable from any HC professional and I don't care about how 'busy' they are. Part of being professional is the automatic 'engage brain before opening mouth ' mindset but that should be predicated and indeed rooted in an understanding of why what is said matters and that when you get it wrong you are contributing to the problem

OP, people remark on babies all the time. My boys are both blonde haired, blue eyed and naturally "tan". I'm very Celtic in appearance -pale, almost black eyes and hair. This difference is pointed out all the time, and the fact that my children barely look like mine at all is freely commented by HV, Drs, nursery staff.

I wouldn't read more into it than people tending to pass remarks on babies. But I do think a little sensitivity wouldn't go amiss, particularly where race is the issue and these comments can be loaded with meaning (intentionally or unintentionally).

I am mixed race (european asian) and my husband is english - his ex (they are friends now) said to him ' you must be so excited youre going to have a chocolate button soon!' and (she was pregnant at the time too) he replied 'as must you be!' and she said, 'no im not having a chocolate button, im having a milky way button!'

at first i was a little 'errrrrrrrr... ok' but after a few minutes it didnt really bother me, maybe was her way of small talk (or she was jealous!!), i wouldnt dream of saying that but different strokes. Last week my neighbour came up to me and said 'ive been meaning to ask you something for a while now - how come your daughters hair is so light brown, where does she get it from - youre dark-haired!' Hahahahahhaa. My husband has brown hair but you would never know, he gels it so it looks almost black! Now i just say - shes not my husbands - she's the postmans! (he is yummy!)

:) Dont worry about it - people sometimes just dont think certain things would offend.

My lovely dd had "baby very yellow, but father Chinese'" written on her notes when she was born. They wouldn't agree she had jaundice. Luckily the CHINESE paediatrician wasn't as amused as I was and sorted her out. My HV was very unreasonable on various issues and made lots of assumptive comments, including telling me that I must use sunblock as my daughter was so brown! I've also had people changing details on forms. You need to learn fast that people are ignorant and speak without thinking. As your HV, you probably need to speak out their behaviour, but it's something that you just need to learn an eye roll for

" "baby very yellow, but father Chinese'"

Was the midwife Bernard Manning?

How bloody ignorant!

I had a midwife exclaim 'He looks very oriental' on the ward after ds was born. I am white with some Eastern European heritage and DH is middle eastern. I wasn't offended, just making small talk I think.

"he looks very oriental" to me would get a reply like "well, my mother was half vase and a quarter rug"

DH and I both white with me being very pale ( to the point of looking anemic) DH looks bleached with a dead straight white blond hair.

DS1was very dark with a mop of black hair. Ds2 is a ginge. I've had plenty of comments from the moment Ds1 popped out to now 20 years later.

I really couldn't be arsed getting upset over the comments, even the ones that questioned DS's paternity.

polymers I had the opposite: referred back to the hospital for jaundice, which I didn't think he had because the whites of his eyes were not yellow at all, unlike his sib when they had been slightly jaundiced. Fortunately Asian paed was used to seeing dark-skinned babies!

And the following summer I got told off for not using sunblock on him!

oriental is actually a bit of a slur, like "exotic" or saying someone is from China when they are from Japan, but if you've never had anyone say it to you you may not know that.
I'd hope that HCPs have some kind of training though.

oriental is actually a bit of a slur, like "exotic" or saying someone is from China when they are from Japan, but if you've never had anyone say it to you you may not know that.
I'd hope that HCPs have some kind of training though.

I'm Scottish and white but have very dark brown hair, brown greeny eyes and I'm not pale. My husband is white Scottish also, black hair and browny green eyes and olive skin.

First DS came out with a mound of jet black hair, which is now dark brown, he has beautiful big brown eyes and has olive skin.

DS2 has dark blonde hair and green eyes and a lot lighter skinned than DS1

Not only are their colourings different but they don't even look the same! First DS is a mini me and DS2 is a mini daddy.

People comment on all the above all the time. It has never even occurred to me to be offended because what they say is true.

"oriental is actually a bit of a slur"

It has only become non-PC in the last few years. I wonder what people who don't like the word oriental would like us to use instead? I suppose I would go for East Asian or 'from the Far East' but both of those are more unwieldy.

My child is fair and blond and husband is quite dark and I am dark haired but fair skinned
We get comments all the time. It doesn't bother me .....but some have asked if she is adopted! A bit cheeky.

Gwen use what the people you are talking to or about prefer. It's not rocket science. East Asian has fewer syllables than "oriental" so you can hardly complain it's "unwieldy".

"Gwen use what the people you are talking to or about prefer."

How do you know what they prefer? Do you do a questionnaire before you speak to anyone?
Reminds me of that woman who told a politician on Question Time he should have been using African Caribbean rather than Afro-Caribbean.