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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset by what my ds (6) said?

86 replies

allegretto · 03/07/2016 11:54

On holiday at the moment and he saw me in a bikini and said "You look really bad. I don't want you as a mum anymore. I want a pretty mum". Yes, he got told off for cheek but I think he was being honest. It really upset me which I KNOW is ridiculous but I felt like I was back at school. Sad

OP posts:
Thattimeofyearagain · 03/07/2016 11:55

Flowers for you.

ScarlettDarling · 03/07/2016 11:56

I'd be sad too, cheeky little monkey. Tell him how much he's hurt your feelings, he needs to know even at this young age that unkind words can be really hurtful. He also needs to know that a 'pretty' mummy may not necessarily be a kind, loving mummy.

op none of us look great on holiday in a bikini. Try not to take it to heart, I bet you're gorgeous Flowers

Floggingmolly · 03/07/2016 11:56

That wasn't just "cheek", it was a really horrible thing to say. Sad

CaptainCrunch · 03/07/2016 11:57

I'm not surprised you are upset. That's horrible. Don't really know what to say other than offer sympathy. I can't imagine any of my DC saying something so unpleasant to me and it's not "honest", it's nasty. I think you might need to spend some time educating him on what's really important about a person and it's certainly not the way they look. Your his Mum and he needs to love and respect you for the love and respect you give him. You don't deserve this OP, it's not fair.

Houseconfusion · 03/07/2016 11:58

Horrible thing to say, not remotely cheeky monkey ish.

But more importantly what on earth has happened to our world that a 6 year old has already has his vision shaped about what "beauty" means. How does a six year old know that a size 8 hourglass is pretty and a wizened old man not, for example?

MrsSpecter · 03/07/2016 11:58

Thats hurtful. Words need to be had I think about how he is treating people. I would want to see a concerted effort on his part to say complimentary things to everyone in the house.

mrssmith79 · 03/07/2016 11:59

6 year olds tend to have no filter but YANBU to be upset. Get a cocktail in, grab a sunbed and don't let it ruin your day.

BendydickCuminsnatch · 03/07/2016 11:59

:( that is really sad, I'd be gutted too.

One of my most shameful moments is when I was the same age and told my mum I didn't like her because she was spotty. She burst into tears!! She wasn't spotty at all, the real reason I said it was because my best friend told me she didn't like my mum and I wanted to be cool like her :( :(

happylittlefish · 03/07/2016 11:59

YANBU.
I would talk to him, saying that what he said really hurt your feelings and that it isn't nice to say things like that to people. Tell him that even a 'pretty' mummy might not be as kind as you are and that you love him lots and feel you need an apology.

Noonesfool · 03/07/2016 12:00

I think that's an unusual thing for a 6 year old to say.

Where's he getting it from?

Houseconfusion · 03/07/2016 12:00

And if you believe he is being "honest" then you agree that "hourglass is pretty and wrinkled man is ugly" - is a true fact. Step out of that thought for a moment. Suddenly you will realise that he is not being honest. He has had his view of the world shaped into what Cosmo would like people to believe. You may want to investigate how that has come about.

Lurkedforever1 · 03/07/2016 12:01

Yanbu. At 6 children should know that personal comments aren't acceptable, regardless of whether the person is hurt by them. I agree you need to have a talk and explain why it's not ok generally, and how his comments hurt you.

MrsSpecter · 03/07/2016 12:03

Also, take note of what is being said by the adults around him. He has picked up the idea that appearances are something to judge people by. Is that a topic of conversation in your house? It was in mine growing up. My dad was horrible about my mum's weight and anyone on TV who was over weight. For a long time i thought that was how you thought of people. Dsis and I would join in the jibes at my mum when we were small thinking it was fun Sad having raised my own children now without the commentary from anyone on my appearance and without discussing my own appearance infront of them i have never once had a comment about my appearance from my DC other than "youre beautiful mummy". Because they dont hear anyone else or even me judging me on it.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 03/07/2016 12:03

Just tell him its rude to make personal comments.

Lweji · 03/07/2016 12:04

Did you ask him why he said that? Why he thought you didn't look pretty?

Lweji · 03/07/2016 12:05

It's just that sometimes children have a weird logic and he may not have meant it in the way you took it.

AtSea1979 · 03/07/2016 12:06

This reply has been deleted

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gracienine · 03/07/2016 12:08

I still remember being 5 years old and crying and telling my mum that it was because I didn't want to look like her when I grew up, I wanted to look like my teacher (my teacher was thin and my mum was a little overweight). I still think about it all the time and it kills me! I want to apologise and tell her how sorry I am but I have no idea how to bring it up! I think kids just say things based on stuff they pick up in the media/on telly/whatever. I have no idea where I got my body ideals from at 5yo but my mum was beautiful and still is!!

Original poster
allegretto · 03/07/2016 12:08

Gee thanks for making me feel even worse atsea Hmm

OP posts:
StayAChild · 03/07/2016 12:08

YANBU.
Was your son upset with you about something else at the time?
Do you think he could have been a bit embarrassed about seeing you without your usual clothes in public which caused him to blurt such a thing out?

Noonesfool · 03/07/2016 12:09

That's a pretty mean thing to say AtSea - presumably the OP's child did not learn to say that from her. Otherwise she wouldn't be upset by it.

Noonesfool · 03/07/2016 12:09

Don't worry OP, maybe AtSea's parents raised her/him to be horrible?

LaContessaDiPlump · 03/07/2016 12:10

Sad what a nasty thing to say. I'd be upset too.

DS's friend pointed at my flobby belly the other day when it was briefly unveiled and said 'What is THAT?' in tones of horror, if that's any consolation.....

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay · 03/07/2016 12:10

It's harsh but kids say what they see. Explain that telling people things like that can hurt their feelings. I did the same to my mum when I was smallConfusedBlush

MrsSpecter · 03/07/2016 12:11

Err the child isnt horrible. He said a hurtful thing. At 6 years old! What child doesnt say a mean thing to someone at one point or another! Children rarely realise the impact of their words until they are older and look back with a cringe.