AIBU to be upset by what my ds (6) said?

[allegretto]

On holiday at the moment and he saw me in a bikini and said "You look really bad. I don't want you as a mum anymore. I want a pretty mum". Yes, he got told off for cheek but I think he was being honest. It really upset me which I KNOW is ridiculous but I felt like I was back at school.

Op I am glad he apologised, so he should, I would also punish him (remove toys, priveledges etc). That was a really nasty and horrid thing he said to you, you sit down with him and help him realise that words can hurt and the impact tgat had on you.

Mine (aged just 7) told me he couldn't wait for me to die as then he'd be able to drink diet coke and eat what he wanted. That was nice.

Tell him, with a grin 'Well that's just tough because I'm the mummy you've got!' Then maybe ice cream all round.

When I was about six I used to loudly and repeatedly moan and cry about my father (to his face): "Whyyyyy can't I have a young, handsome daddy who looks like Dr Kildare (Richard Chamberlain)? Why do I have to have an old daddy?" Oh whyyyyy?"

I wasn't trying to hurt him. I felt genuinely aggrieved. To his credit, he ignored me rose above it.

Oh dear Through!

My 4 year old came in while I was getting into the shower, burst out laughing and said I looked funny with no clothes on.

There's not much you can say to that! I think I said "oh!"

Sounds really upsetting allegretto. My second child said some very hurtful things at that age. Each time I got my DH to talk to him about how unacceptable it was to talk in that way. I can't, now, remember what any of them were about apart from one, but I do know that having the other adult sitting down and having a proper talk away from the emotion did work in the long run.

Have .

Children saying things such as "you're tummy is wobbly and big" or "you're bigger than X's mummy" is children being blunt, something like "you're tummy is gross and wobbly" and is a child being mean and is a learnt behaviour. They can learn it from a mother being negative about herself out loud or either parent putting other people down because of thier body shape.

My son (age 10) made a comment about my 'fat arms' the other day and I was a bit gutted (though they aren't exactly elfin).

We had quite an interesting chat afterwards though. I talked to him about something that an old colleague of mine used to say which has stuck with me years later. Something along the lines of asking yourself before you speak: 'is it true', 'is it necessary', 'is it kind'. Logic being that if you can't say yes to all three you really need to think about whether you need to say it at all - and I'd argue that telling someone they have fat arms falls into the unkind and unnecessary, even if it is true... I've brought it up a few times since and will continue to do so - I'd hate him to think its ok to say horrible things just because they are true. I had a friend who used to say all sorts of hateful things and argue that it was ok because 'its the truth'...

I agree parka, laughing it off and accepting it, is not going to help anyone, you are totally right. Op, you need to to talk to your ds, even though he is 6, about thinking about what you say, before you say it. Remembering: Is it kind? Is it true? and is it necessary? Everytime he says something nasty, you repeat it to him. what if he tells that to somebody else? Whether he is your ds, it is not acceptable, I would even tell my 4 year old. The younger they learn the better.

I love that true/necessary/kind idea!

Is it true?
Is it kind?
Is it necessary?

Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. In fact just used it after two DC had an argument with each other.