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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at how DD's friend's mum behaves?

178 replies

CathCurtains · 02/07/2016 22:09

DD (age 10, year 5) has been best friends with another girl since they were in reception. Her friend lives in the same road as us. She is a nice girl and she and DD are good friends, however she does have a tendency to be quite Princessy a lot of the time and is quite spoilt. DD says her friend will sometimes take offence at something very minor or will get into bad moods with DD for several days and won't tell DD why but will instead just blank her and ignore her. Don't get me wrong, I know what children are like and have no doubt at all that my DD isn't perfect, and I'm sure she does her fair share of that kind of behaviour. However I also know what kids are like, and the girls do usually end up best of friends again within a day or two at the most. DD says that whenever her friend gets in these moods or takes offence at minor things, she makes a huge deal about it and gets other kids flocking around her at school. DD is then sometimes left with no one to play with as they think she's been mean and the friend keeps crying and creating dramatics so that they are attentive to her.

The issue is with the friend's mum. As I said, the friend is quite spoilt and pampered, and also dramatic. The mum is very similar to her, and is attention seeking. Whenever her DD is in a bad mood with my DD, or there has been any conflict between the girls whatsoever, the mum just blanks me, and she will usually blank me for around a week and then when it's all blown over she will start talking to me again.

On Thursday at school the friend got cross with DD as DD needed the loo before going out at breaktime and friend was on her own in the playground for 2 minutes. She refused to speak to DD for the rest of the day and then came out of school crying loudly and in a very dramatic, fake way. Cue the mum then blanking me on Friday morning and afternoon. When everything is fine between the girls she is all nice and chatty.

She also paints her daughter as being a delicate precious little snowflake to others, and so sometimes when the girls fall out she will do a cryptic Facebook status that I know is aimed at DD. And then lots of other school mums, whom she's clearly moaned about DD to will reply to support her. On Thursday after the breaktime/loo incident and her DD coming out of school crying, the mum's status on Facebook was "Hate seeing my daughter so upset. It's not nice that one person can ruin her day". And then of course lots of other mums replied sending hugs to her daughter and saying poor little thing, she's such a lovely girl etc. I have no doubt that she bitches about DD and I to these other mums.

The blanking will go on for around a week. The mum drove past my house today when I was in the driveway and she blanked me. However I know DD and the friend will be best buddies again on Monday!!

Has anyone else had a similar issue with parents before? I guess the answer is to try to encourage DD to have other friendships, which we do do, however it's easier said than done if kids are determined to be friends isn't it? I know I shouldn't let the mum's behaviour bother me but it does, especially the airing dirty laundry on FB behaviour.

OP posts:
monkeywithacowface · 02/07/2016 22:45

I think the best way forward is to encourage your dd to have other friendships. A little distance is what is needed here. When bonkers mum starts to talk to you again be polite but try and maintain a distance. Definately unfollow her on Facebook too.

Original poster
CathCurtains · 02/07/2016 22:46

Trafalgar, we live in the same road as them and when she is blanking me the mum will just walk past me on school runs, and if I say hello she just glares.

I do talk to other mums, I don't wait around for that mum to speak to me. However when she is 'talking' to me she seeks me out.

OP posts:
Griphook · 02/07/2016 22:48

I'd be tempted to be a devils advocate and reply on Facebook and ask what happened, who was the mean person

This you should do this, are what she says

Original poster
CathCurtains · 02/07/2016 22:49

I meant to say, I've tried the replying on FB thing before and she just ignores my reply and replies to others so I know it is aimed at DD

OP posts:
bumsexatthebingo · 02/07/2016 22:49

Hmm if all is as you say then I'd just distance myself from the mum and try to teach my dd about how real friends behave.
It is possible though that your dd is maybe doing more than she is letting on and the mum is genuinely concerned for her dd but trying to keep the peace.
Without actually seeing what's going on it's impossible to say if YABU.

bangingmyheadoffabrickwall · 02/07/2016 22:50

If blocking on FB is not an option, you can unfollow her and her posts will not appear on your newsfeeds.

I have to agree with some about your DD having to suck it up. If she is that fed up of her dramatics etc, it would be wise if your DD started to make a slow retreat from the friendship. But knowing 10 year old girls, friendship is a survival rope and find it difficult to do the mature thing and move on. Most adults do, so for her it would be a wrench and impossible.

The FB post obviously stuck in your throat. Well done for not replying. If other mums want to believe her without talking to you, then they are better off being at the beck and call of said mum and can flounce and pander to her silly needs as much as they like.

Hold your head high, be polite, speak when spoken but don't go out of your way to involve yourself in this woman's life.

If this was my DD, I would be encouraging other friendships and banning said girl from the house.

user838383 · 02/07/2016 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
CathCurtains · 02/07/2016 22:52

Trying to keep the peace by blanking me, bumsex? And by doing cryptic FB statuses? And getting other mums 'onside'? Strange way of keeping the peace!

As I said earlier, I have no doubt that DD is not perfect. However I have witnessed this girl's princessy behaviour many times. We've been on several days out with them in the past and each time the friend has ruined the day by her tantrums and picking at DD, basically looking for things to take offence at.

OP posts:
PortiaCastis · 02/07/2016 22:54

Ah another Primary Prima Donna. Honestly these women are so shallow their only claim to fame is Queen of the playground. Does she have a life? Just block her and ignore.

bumsexatthebingo · 02/07/2016 22:55

I meant trying to keep the peace by being friendly with you when the girls are friends. It would be strange to me that your dd would be the only child the girl was having trouble with if it's just that she's oversensitive.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 02/07/2016 22:58

Oh dear ! Yanbu

As other have said

Unfollow her in social media
Stop seeing her as a friend
Invest in some hobbies for your DD
And pray hard your DD makes a new BFF

What on earth I can't believe some people ! She is off the scale pathetic and her mates are too - twats

user838383 · 02/07/2016 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bumsexatthebingo · 02/07/2016 23:10

May well be he case boopsy but as I said I haven't seen what actually goes on so I don't know. Obviously the op is going to side with her dd. I'm sure there would be a completely different op from the little madams mum.

user838383 · 02/07/2016 23:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Brighteyes27 · 02/07/2016 23:22

I sympathise. We had an incident in y5 when a girl was strongly and regularly encouraging my DD and two others to bring money in for the sweet shop after school. They went to the sweet shop where she demanded they all give her money and buy her sweets. My DD was sneaking money out of her box eventually one of the girls had told her mum and her mum witnessed this. I asked my DD and she admitted this. There were other things as well. Telling DD to go away in the playground etc. Eventually the girls finally stood up to her. She got in a mood with them and they gradually fell out. Her nutty mum put a post on FB saying how the teachers had said in her report about what a lovely girl her daughter was and how she had risen above her so called friends who had been mean to her she had not got involved in their petty squabbles. I blocked her on FB after this and fortunately the girls are no longer friends. A few prima donnas come out of the woodwork in year 5 many modelled on their mothers eager for their daughters to be top dog and unfortunately it's even worse in year 6 in my experience. So hang on and try and encourage your daughter towards other friendships.

SamWheat · 02/07/2016 23:22

Fuck that shit, sorry. (This coming from someone who very rarely swears out loud in RL.)
You need to block the mum on FB, as 10 yr olds will be 10 yr olds and as a parent you do not get involved in the drama and friends dynamics.
Better for your mental health if you just stay well clear, trust me!! As you say, they'll be friends again two days later, let them run their own course without interfering....

elodie2000 · 02/07/2016 23:30

Oh yes... You are not alone OP. This type was at DD's primary school. Always taking offence, always upset over something, always the victim. The DD got lots of attention from Mummy who was all of the above on her DD's behalf too. Blowing hot and cold, constantly complaining and telling tales of woe.
We were not in your position OP but plenty of others were.
Don't worry, people can see through it. They might be too polite to say so or want to keep the mother on side for the gossip but they know...
The best thing you can do is to explain to your DD what ithis girl is doing (re. manipulating) so that she doesn't start believing that she is a bad person.
Also, keep your distance from them. No play dates, decline offers on your DD's behalf. Be busy.
Talk when talked to but don't give anything of yourself. Be polite and friendly but distance yourself and your DD emotionally.

Moistly · 02/07/2016 23:33

I would actively encourage ending the friendship. This "friend" will become even more troublesome as a teen.
Then ignore the mother. Look right through her. You don't need this shite in your life

pineapplecrush · 02/07/2016 23:35

I can't bear Mums like this, so over involved in their children's lives. It teaches their children they are superior and other people's feelings don't matter, such a shock in later life when they find out the world doesn't revolve around them and too late to change life learnt behaviours.

Stick out and start a revolt, someone has to. Life's complicated enough without manufactured drama. I'm sure things will change a lot at secondary school.

Brighteyes27 · 02/07/2016 23:36

Yes Sam Wheat on the plus side come the end of year 5 and year 6 as the kids become more independent it's much easier to avoid the parents especially the not so nice ones. I would never fall out with someone over the kids. I would always smile say hello and be polite whatever shit has gone down in the playground. But their are plenty of mums who will snub/ignore you at the drop of a hat.
I really liked one girls mum and we got on really well. But her DD has decided she's outgrown my DD I am not sure what she has told her mum but clearly the other mum is aware of the situation and feels awkward. But at least we still say hello but no longer have any other conversation than this which is a shame. But at least we are on speaking terms but only just. Good luck.

Beeziekn33ze · 02/07/2016 23:40

OP DD's 'friend' comes out of school crying in Y5 ?? Hardly normal behaviour for her age. One more year before secondary school?
If your DD can put up with this for another year just try to ensure they go to different secondary schools.
Other parents aspire to be like her because of her clothes? They should take a look at her drama-llama behaviour and parenting!

flappingbingowings · 02/07/2016 23:42

Really? You need to sort your shit out.

flappingbingowings · 02/07/2016 23:43

Really? You need to sort your shit out.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/07/2016 23:43

I've no time for shit like that, op why do you talk to her, I woukd be giving mum a wide birth, delete her from Facebook, and discourage this friendship, it's toxic.

MUjunkie · 02/07/2016 23:44

What is that saying?...,"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree"...
Some parents are more childish than the children!
It's not the DD fault so I'd just let them make up and carry on, you know you're above her mothers mentality. I'd block her on FB and wouldn't give her a seconds thought OP 😮