Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To let boyfriend stay in room while me and flatmate are away?

88 replies

95percentcompromise · 30/06/2016 00:31

Flatmate and boyfriend know each other and get on. We are both away for a week's living back home (students) and flat is empty. He spends about half the week there anyway. Plan is for him to sleep in my room when I'm away technically replacing me. Any issues?

OP posts:

Original poster

95percentcompromise · 30/06/2016 00:32

Sorry that should read:

"We are both away for a few weeks"

OP posts:

apatheticfallacy · 30/06/2016 00:33

Ask your flat are - does he cover bulls et whilst he's there for half the time anyway?

apatheticfallacy · 30/06/2016 00:33

Flat mate*

Original poster

95percentcompromise · 30/06/2016 00:36

He doesn't but buys food and cooks sometimes. Flatmate is out of country and can't get a quick reply.

OP posts:

sykadelic · 30/06/2016 00:56

I don't understand why he'd stay at your apartment when you're not there, so I'd say no. It's not his apartment, he's your guest. He has his own place to stay (I presume).

He'll be wracking up bills that you and your flatmate would then have to share. If he's there half the time he should be chipping in for bills anyway. If he lived there bills would be split 1/3 but as he's only there 1/2 the time perhaps 1/6th and you and flatmate split the rest 50/50?

gamerchick · 30/06/2016 00:59

I wouldn't assume you need to ask you flatmate. I personally if he was no bother wouldn't mind because it means the place wasn't empty pickings for burglars but it's really not for us to say.

pinkyredrose · 30/06/2016 01:00

How long have you been together? I wouldn't do it if your housemate hasn't ok'd it. Why can't he stay at his place

Original poster

95percentcompromise · 30/06/2016 01:10

His place isn't very nice at all! He doesn't stay all the time but flatmate was starting to get grumpy which is why I wanted to ask on here.

OP posts:

NerrSnerr · 30/06/2016 01:14

I'd say no. It could lead to issues if something breaks or goes missing while he's there.

sandy30 · 30/06/2016 01:15

If he's there half the week every week he should be properly contributing to bills. Presumably why flatmate is grumpy (plus, does she really want a second flatmate?). I think him staying while you require not even there would be really pushing your luck.

hotdiggedy · 30/06/2016 01:16

Why is your flatmate getting grumpy? Because he is there for half the week? I think that would annoy me too. Actually, I know it would!

VimFuego101 · 30/06/2016 01:26

Your flat mate is probably tired of him staying there. Does he contribute towards bills and rent when he stays?

gamerchick · 30/06/2016 01:38

If she's fed up with him being there then you would be royally pushing boundaries asking what you want to ask and could lose said flatmate of you go ahead without asking.

VioletBam · 30/06/2016 01:40

She's grumpy because she is subsidising his power bills and water usage. For every day he is at yours, he is saving money on power.

He needs to not stay there more than once a week.

That's what I did with DH when I shared with my mate and DH was still my boyfriend. DH had one night a week at mine AND he used to buy food and wine and just leave it in the fridge.

Lunar1 · 30/06/2016 01:45

She is already annoyed so obviously it would be unreasonable to do this!

Nocabbageinmyeye · 30/06/2016 01:46

Yabu this is not ok, if his place isn't nice then touch he should move, he'll provide food and cook - for himself? isn't he marvellous what about the utilities he runs up, her privacy? No sorry this is not ok at all

Nocabbageinmyeye · 30/06/2016 01:47

Tough he should move not touch

goddessofsmallthings · 30/06/2016 02:06

Any issues?

Only that you and your boyfriend are royally taking the piss out of your flatmate.

Of course it's not OK for him to stay at your place while you're both away and it's not OK for him to spend half the week racking up bills that she shares equally with you.

If he has the keys to your flat be sure to get them off him before you go home and make it clear to him that on your return he won't be staying more than one night a week at yours - and that one night doesn't mean he can turn up Saturday morning and clutter the place up until Sunday evening.

Glastokitty · 30/06/2016 03:01

YABU, and royally taking the piss out of your flatmate. Your BF should not be there have the week without paying his share of the bills, and he certainly shouldn't be staying when you aren't even there. I had a flat mate like you once, the arrangement didn't last long, and we did not remain friends.

KoalaDownUnder · 30/06/2016 03:30

No way!

It's her home too, full of her things, and she pays the bills. He doesn't get to stay there without her permission, while neither you or she are even there, 'replacing you'! That's not how it works.

You'd be totally taking the piss to do this. Please don't.

JustHavinABreak · 30/06/2016 04:40

All depends on how your flatmate feels about the situation. They may get on well but if she's already fed up with having a non-paying lodger half the time then you can't even consider letting him stay when neither of you are there. That's her home and having your bf there is just an invasion.

AnyFucker · 30/06/2016 04:51

You sound like a piece of work coming on here to try and get strangers to validate your shitty ideas, tbh

myownprivateidaho · 30/06/2016 04:59

I think it's ok to ask, but that you shouldn't without asking.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 30/06/2016 04:59

If you're keen to do this.. ASK your flatmate before agreeing anything with boyfriend..

She may be ok with it.. It would mean you would be less likely to be burgled.. Esp if it's in a 'studenty' .....so you could try to 'sell' the idea as your boyfriend house- sitting. AND if you suggest that he covers the lions share of utilities.. If it's going to be thro the summer...I would actually say you will check meters at beginning and end and pay these costs... I think anything else would be a bit cheeky....

I think also it comes down to how trustworthy he is and how tolerant your flatmate is..... If she's already pissed off it will make it more difficult! If you're going to continue sharing... Esp if he is there so much he really ought to be contributing to utilities... Your flatmate presumably signed up to share with you... It can feel very awkward when someone more or less moves their boy/girlfriend in...

BTW I've actually done this house sitting arrangements thru holidays from both sides... It worked at very well... One side has a nice place to stay for a few weeks, and the other side a secure place while they were away!

Elllicam · 30/06/2016 05:19

If your flatmate is already unhappy about the situation no I wouldn't. Especially if she has been paying half of his bills for some time, no wonder she is grumpy.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread