To ask my husband not to drink around me while pregnant?

[dellacucina]

Or to only drink the 1 unit I am allowed? It makes me feel extremely isolated and resentful to be alone in this, on top of all of the other crap things about being pregnant. Plus I am only doing this because he wants children.

We have gone to loads of weddings lately and he drinks lots and lots of nice things while I watch.

At home, he will grab a beer and go to the other room, saying it is not in front of me.

At the same time, he has told me that the restrictions I have to deal with are not that bad and I should just deal.

Is this an unreasonable request? I have not asked him to stop altogether, just in my presence.

(also I too had a couple of glasses of wine in late pregnancy. Children still alive with all own heads. CALL THE PREGNANCY POLICE.)

Please don't post articles that are almost 10 years old

www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/pages/alcohol-medicines-drugs-pregnant.aspx

Current guidelines are zero units

Yes that is NO ALCOHOL AT ALL

"Please don't post articles that are almost 10 years old"

The article is about WHEN THEY CHANGED THE GUIDELINES and why they changed them, if you'd actually read it rather than looking at the date.

I am aware of what the current guidelines are. They came in in 2007. When that article was written.

Please don't post articles that are almost 10 years old

2yummymummy2, leedy's point was (obviously) that guidelines on this sort of thing seem to quite arbitrarily decided and are not based on much scientific research. People who have slavishly followed these guidelines have, in the past, always put their DC down to sleep on their fronts, fed their babies only formula milk because it's better for them etc etc. Currently, as I expect you followed, they can ABSOLUTELY NOT give their babies anything solid to eat until they are 6 months old.
At no point must a pregnant woman use her own judgement. This is absolutely forbidden, even though the guidelines change frequently and for no good reason.

2yummy surely it's up to the OP whether she has one or two units every week? It's her body and her baby.

I also had the odd glass of wine whilst pregnant- it helped keep me sane and feel like I hadn't completely left my life behind.

Lots of pp have adressed the bigger issue of support from your DH which I think is important here. One minor practical thing that might help is for him to offer to make you a non-alcoholic drink as he gets himself something. I found being offered an elderflower cordial and tonic in a nice glass with ice and lime made me feel cared for, stopped me feeling left out, honoured a relaxing ritual and helped me not to miss real G&Ts!

I don't understand how the guidelines could've changed in 2007. I was pregnant In 2015 and the guidelines were one or two units once or twice a week. I have just give through my folder of leaflets and checked

Anyway I had one or two drinks and would again. It's about attitude to risk, and my ability to make decisions over my own body

If people want to ignore guidelines then go ahead but why would you?

Surely having a healthy baby is more important than risking having a fas baby

If your doctor recommended that you don't drink because one more drink would cause brain damage would you ignore that?

Nope didn't think so but why put a baby at risk of brain damage just because you need a drink !

I'm human I would also like a drink at times like at weddings but working in healthcare and seeing the affects of fas firsthand I would never risk it

Neither would most Heath professionals in this day and age. There are no current guidelines that recommend drinking when pregnant. None!

YABU

OP I said earlier that I YABU and I stand by that. But I also think you are getting a whole load of undeserved shit on here. You're being unreasonable not abusive or malicious.

The guidelines for what pregnant women should eat/drink/ do in the UK are very restrictive - even compared to other similar countries. You've clearly researched the risks and have made an informed decision about which ones to take. Good for you. Don't let people who don't even know you, condemn you for that.

And I'm sure you will be a great mum. Lots of women have a rough time being pregnant and find it difficult both emotionally and physically. Even people who have much longed-for babies often experience this, even more so if your pregnancy was quicker than expected. The vast vast majority of them go on to enjoy parenthood even if it is hard work at times. So ignore the nastiness.

Go easy on yourself. Try to find some things you can do to relax and pamper yourself a bit. Book a spa day. Go away for a weekend. But also go easy in your DH when he has a beer. Just remind him that when the baby has arrived he'll need to be splitting the nights off the booze with you!

Haven't read the full thread but wanted to add that I hated being pregnant too OP. I think YABU to
expect him not to drink though.
You need to speak to your mw about your negative thoughts. Pregnancy is hard enough as it is without feeling so isolated. Be kind to yourself-it sounds like you're struggling with things.

I think that you and your DH need to reconnect and restablish the ability to communicate before this baby is born.

Pregnancy can be very hard on some, and it is not uncommon for DH to not fully understand and be empathetic. This is not OK..... However some women do make pregnancy into an "illness" where the whole world has to revolve around them and what they can and cant do. This is not OK either....

It sounds to be that you are having a harder time than you thought with the reality of being pregnant, and that you and DH dont seem able to communicate in a caring way about this.

If your mood has changed since pregnancy please seek medical advise
If you are finding not drinking tougher than you expected (which I did first time round until I had a MC and then felt horribly guilty), think of it as a time to give your liver and rest and let others enjoy themselves if thats what they want
If you are behaving in a pricessy way and think that your DH shouldnt do anything that your not allowed to, as others have said your life is about to change enormously
If you are both emotionally disconnected from one another try hard to be kind to each other. Parenthood and the inevitable exhaustion is difficult for pretty much everyone and its not an ideal time to try to reestablish bonds that have been allowed to loosen.

YANBU.

i loathed being pregnant. It was painful, terrifying, high risk, in and out of hospital, and I hated that my body was no longer my own. I also hated not being able to socialise and have a drink if I wanted one. These posts are always plagued by holier than thous who will call you an alcoholic for having a couple of drinks a week when you are pregnant. Ignore the sanctimommies.

I don't think men get how hard it is to be pregnant and how restrictive it is. My DH is desperate for a second baby and I actually jokingly asked him if he would give up alcohol for the duration of any pregnant. He was aghast. Yet you are expected to and have to.

Sort of want a child?? Poor poor child!!

I am terrified of having the baby and am not especially encouraged by all of these people telling me how much worse it will be than pregnancy. Much of what makes pregnancy unpleasant is anticipating all of the stress after the baby is born
I hear you! I'm sick of people saying things like 'you'll never sleep again' 'this is the easy part' Yeah thanks for making me feel better!!!
I hope your husband starts to support you more, it can be hard and it certainly is tiring, he has no idea how you feel so shouldn't be having a go at you. Hope things ease up and you feel better about the baby soon. Despite us trying i still hated it at the start, it's been better since about 4 months, though at 34 weeks now it's getting a bit uncomfortable...

I completely understand where you're coming from. It sucks when you're watching people do something you'd really like to join in on but can't due to pregnancy (or any other reason).

Being the only sober one surrounded by drinkers, particularly at a wedding is horrible. I attended a wedding and hen's night about half way through my pregnancy. Hated it.

Just remember it will end soon (thinking in the grand scheme of things) and then you will be a little bit less restricted.

Because mummy, my baby wouldn't get FAS from a glass of wine a week.

I also " sort of" wanted a child - from the moment I met him though I knew I wanted him more than anything in the world. There's no law that says you can only carry a child if you really really want to. Thousands who suffer infertility wouldn't have any issues if really wanting it actually came into it. Once the baby arrives - if you don't want it much still - seek help fast, it's unlikely though. Can happen but unlikely

I think you need to speak to midwife about pre natal depression 💐🍷

I got tested for toxoplasmosis antibodies. Turned out I had had it and was immune, so I could eat all the rare steak I liked. Ironically it also turned out that pregnancy gave me a massive and bizarre aversion to meat...

2yummymummy2

Good god wind your neck in ! FAS comes from downing a bottle of vodka on a regular basis not from 2 units once a week. Clearly you know nothing about FAS

*Dontyoulovecalpol Wed 29-Jun-16 18:36:59

Because mummy, my baby wouldn't get FAS from a glass of wine a week.*

That.

OhNo you told a woman who is showing signs of prenatal depression that she will never properly love and nurture her child:

...would treasure it and love it and nurture it in a way that you never will.

That is an unforgivably disgusting thing to say to an expectant mother, and, I repeat, you should be thoroughly fucking ashamed of yourself.

And yummymummy you clearly know absolutely fuck all about FAS if you think it is caused by women having 1 unit of alcohol. There is no evidence whatsoever that drinking within the previous guidelines (a couple of units occasionally - ie not more than a couple of times a week) causes FAS.

It's widely known that the risk of FAS increases along with volume and regularity of drinking. You won't get a medical professional to admit it publicly but nobody will raise a hair to a woman who admits to having one or two units once or twice a week as it's highly likely there is no risk after the first 12 weeks. The problem is they can't prove it.

I've drunk minimal amounts for the past six years and at 20 weeks am enjoying a small glass of white wine spritzer once a week. Fucked if I'm going to be shamed by people like yummymummy. I'm enjoying my second pregnancy (ds is 5, entirely healthy and not a sign of FAS btw) and am a sensible mum.

YABU. It's only 9 months. Suck it up. I say this as a pregnant women who misses red wine a great deal!