To ask my husband not to drink around me while pregnant?

[dellacucina]

Or to only drink the 1 unit I am allowed? It makes me feel extremely isolated and resentful to be alone in this, on top of all of the other crap things about being pregnant. Plus I am only doing this because he wants children.

We have gone to loads of weddings lately and he drinks lots and lots of nice things while I watch.

At home, he will grab a beer and go to the other room, saying it is not in front of me.

At the same time, he has told me that the restrictions I have to deal with are not that bad and I should just deal.

Is this an unreasonable request? I have not asked him to stop altogether, just in my presence.

Your problem seems to be with being pregnant rather than with your Dh.
Abstaining from all the things you list so bitterly is not an issue when you want what comes at the end of it, it really doesn't sound as though you do and you sound resentful of the entire pregnancy, I think you need to deal with that rather than controlling your husbands behaviour

Why have you stopped eating certain things? Have a steak if you want

YABU and it's a little childish

YABU to a) ask him to stop drinking as you are pregnant and b) to have a baby you don't want.

YABU about the drinking, but it sounds like there is a lot more to this.

You don't sound very happy to be pregnant at all. No wonder your husband needs a drink.

That's a bit off, eggpoacher. The OP is clearly struggling massively - which many women do in pregnancy. And her husband gets to become a father without any of the physical effects. That is no reason for him to take to alcohol.

I haven't asked him to get fat and ruin his body forever.

Being pregnant and giving birth doesn't ruin your body forever.

Are there other issues going on in your relationship / life? Because your tone suggests you're rather unhappy.

You have resentment issues deeper than drinking here. Maybe resentful he can carry on as normal, when ou have to change your lifestyle?

I don't mind my dh drinking at weddings, evenings out at our friends etc, even though I can't as I'm also pregnant.

You sound like my mum. I know for as early as I can remember her telling me over and over again she didn't want children, she only had me because my dad wanted children. It is very damaging growing up being reminded you're not wanted.
Either you have a personality disorder like my mum or you need to grow up. You sound ridiculous.

Have a drink. Eat the steak. Enjoy the cheese. Take the advice with a pinch of salt.

YANBU, tell him to do it down the pub/round at a mate's, though I used to relax a bit towards the end of the pregnancy and have a couple on special occasions. Sometimes I wish I'd had my kids a few decades back when midwives' job wasn't to scare the shit out of you and you could just get on with shit a bit more.

YABU and childish

I haven't asked him to get fat and ruin his body forever Yes you do put on weight in pregnancy but most women can shift it after and last time I checked men can not get pregnant so if a couple want a baby the woman has to do the pregnancy bit.

Why on earth did you agree to have a baby when you didn't want one?

YABVU to stop your husband having a drink. It's not his fault he can't carry a child.

LillyVonSchtupp: I didn't say that I am sure I am being reasonable. But obviously I have a reason for feeling this way so it isn't really enough to say I am being unreasonable without explaining why . . .

Lurkedforever1: Actually I have a dietary restriction which makes the pregnancy restrictions much harder. I have never tried to make him stop eating things I cannot eat. This however is different because we are supposedly in this together.

Yes, I probably am depressed about being pregnant.

What a strange OP!
What cheeses can't you eat? Most of the soft cheese and blue cheese available now is pasteurised. And I ate rare steak (personal choice) so you don't have to deny yourself everything. Sounds like you want everyone else to be miserable because you are! I do get it, I really do. But I think just suck it up and allow the ones you love to still enjoy a beer.
Also - I think saying you will ruin your body is a bit OTT.

Sorry Somerville and OP
People who have kids they don't really want just really upset me.

Everyone seems to be missing the fact that I have asked him to stop AROUND ME ONLY.

Sorry Op - just read your update saying you are probably depressed about being pregnant... In which case why not give your midwife a ring? Or do you have anyone around you who has been pregnant that you would be comfortable talking through all this with in real life?

Also, of course I would not tell the child I don't want it. I am going through this and surely will love the child at the end, but I do not like being pregnant and have always been ambivalent about having children. That doesn't mean I am a horrible person or will be a horrible mother.

Whoa there humans!

Yes the way OP is expressing herself sounds pretty but all of this rings of depression/anxiety. Many people who had suffered from these types of conditions, have, on occasion been unreasonable - I know I've been a massive arse from time to time because my mind was whirling in ever-decreasing-circles on anxiety.

OP - it's normal to be scared and to be frustrated by pregnrancy, and even to really hate it from time to time (my first trimester was vile, I felt like utter shit for three months and since then, as I've got bigger I often feel physically uncomfortable).

BUT the way you are feeling is not typical, I really suggest you go to the doctor/midwife and explain how you feel - it's highly possible that you are feeling extra-bad because you're suffering from ante-natal depression or similar. There is nothing to be ashamed or worried about, just concentrate on making sure you're in tip top health.

For the record, DH got rather tipsy in a restaurant for the first time since I've been pregnant a couple of weeks ago, and I felt a bit pissy with him, I knew I was bit unreasonable and I'm over it.

I think you should talk to your midwife. Any issues within your relationship will only get bigger once the baby is born and you're both shattered from sleepless nights etc.

It's easy for resentment to build up which is so damaging.

I can actually appreciate what you’re feeling, but that’s only because whilst I really wanted to be a Mother, I couldn’t cope with being pregnant, nor what the hormones were making me feel like. I resented everything and whilst I didn’t ask my partner to change his lifestyle at all, it highlighted the biological inequality that his life went on totally as normal for 9 months and mine completely changed – from ‘day 0’, when I had cramping pains, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t lie on my stomach from early on, couldn’t eat certain things / drink certain things / do certain things….

My partner was incredibly supportive – He’d rub my back when I was dry wretching in the sink, would try and find nice non-alcoholic mulled wine for me so I felt as included as I possibly could and said that he’d rather wait until we can both ride on a ‘Monster truck’ (as it’s not recommended for pregnant women). So whilst I didn’t ask him to give anything up, he tried his best to sympathise as much as possible which I really appreciated.

Do you think it boils down to the fact you don’t believe your Husband is sympathetic to how you’re feeling and you don’t feel supported?

I think yabu. It's only booze and it's only 9 months. If you don't care about the steak and pate why is booze different?