To ask my husband not to drink around me while pregnant?

[dellacucina]

Or to only drink the 1 unit I am allowed? It makes me feel extremely isolated and resentful to be alone in this, on top of all of the other crap things about being pregnant. Plus I am only doing this because he wants children.

We have gone to loads of weddings lately and he drinks lots and lots of nice things while I watch.

At home, he will grab a beer and go to the other room, saying it is not in front of me.

At the same time, he has told me that the restrictions I have to deal with are not that bad and I should just deal.

Is this an unreasonable request? I have not asked him to stop altogether, just in my presence.

What a disgusting thing to say, OhNo. You should be fucking ashamed of yourself.

OP I suffered awful pre baby, I cried all the time, had to have time off work, regretted being pregnant and had to pretend to be happy all the time. I also hated my new body, I've always been very fit and just felt fat and unattractive.

When I gave birth, I found it difficult at first and though 'oh no, this is it my depressions still here', but it was post baby blues and I bonded with the baby near enough straight away. I struggled at first as it wasn't the rush of unconditional love that everyone tells you about, it took time to really bond but now, I couldn't love my DD more.

You will get through this but YADNBU to want support from DP- make it clear that you are struggling and need his help!!

Op you are being massively unreasonable here. Are you doing this just because you can't drink, because that is really spiteful. As long as he isn't getting off his face drunk I don't see why the odd drink here and there is such a problem. You do seem to resent the baby and projecting this onto him.
You also need support if you are struggling but making unreasonable demands on your DH isn't the way to go about it.

I think you sound drink dependent and maybe you should speak to your midwife about that

That sounds a big leap, there is a huge difference between liking a few drinks to being drink dependent!

In all seriousness, please consider the future of this child: you could give the gift of a baby to a childless couple who would treasure it and love it and nurture it in a way that you never will

God it just gets worse - now shes an alcoholic who will never be able to love her child?

Aaargh op please get this thread deleted and start another one in relationships. Please. Aibu was a mistake.
If you want this baby and want to be a good mother you can be, but you need to get help for the baby and for you. If you want your oh to step up...well that's up to him.

Molly OP has already said that she doesn't mind him drinking away from her.

I think people are being massively unfair- OP hasn't suggested that she's drink dependent just that she's struggling with the changes of pregnancy and lifestyle.

It sounds like he needs to show a little more empathy but I agree with others it is a an unreasonable request.

WorraLiberty Might have a good point here
You loathe being pregnant, you've always been ambivalent about having children, and you're only having this baby for him.
Is it possible that he feels you are drumming this home to him constantly and making him feel guilty as a result?
I'm wondering if his lack of empathy could be a form of defence?

I hate to say it but the resentment may never ever go away, that you are having this baby for him and the things you are having to give up during this time and in the future (it may not end with pregnancy), job progression etc it will most likely destroy your relationship unless you talk about it. Being without alcohol may go on longer than 9 months if you plan to breastfeed? As alcohol in breast milk remain close to those in the mother’s bloodstream and it's at highest between 30 and 60 minutes after drinking, or 60-90 minutes if with a meal.

I have to ask you say you have 1-2 a night after work how many days a week do you work? It sounds like you are using alcohol as a stress relief even though it's a depressant so drinking it because you're stressed isn't going to help either of you and it can easily become a problem and dependent on it. Can you see yourself going back to the same level of drinking once pregnancy is over and baby is here? Could it not just be about now but about the future too?

RebootYourEngine : Your post is filled with assumptions.

I became pregnant immediately upon dropping bc, much to my surprise, so no, I didn't have much time to prepare mentally.

When did I ever say that I think I will be drinking the same amount after I have the baby? When did I say that I am fine after 3 drinks (hint: I am drunk by then, so I would not have argued this).

I am well aware that my life will change massively postpartum and that drinking is also severely restricted when breastfeeding. It does not follow that because I enjoy drinking I intend to get drunk while the baby is in my care.

OP Would you consider getting some counselling around you control freakery? I really think that this is the base of your feelings and it's really not going to get any better once the baby arrives.

You can drink more than when pregnant, and breastfeed btw.
you can be a mother and work.

Sorry op that wasn't aimed at you. At the people who are treating you like an irresponsible alcoholic.

You can drink whilst breastfeeding- such outdated advice that you can't touch a drop!

OP, I had post natal depression after both births. I was in denial after my first, and was very depressed for about 6 months until I realised what was happening. I was ready for it with my second, got some help, and it was so much better.
Ask for help! Trust your body and your gut. Pregnancy is scary, especially when your other half is not being supportive. Don't listen to the YABUs on here, you're not being unreasonable at all. Is it possible to sit down and have a frank discussion with your OH, and tell him how you're feeling?

.

I cant stand the "holier than thou" attitude that I see trotted out here occasionally "what happens if you are drinking and your child becomes ill" "how will you get to the hospital"!

Yes I will never ever drink one alcoholic drink again until all my children turn 18....just in case. Meanwhile back in the real world most folk would just get a lift from someone, phone a taxi or if it was a dire emergency an ambulance.

Your OP is about you not being able to drink as much as you used to before you became pregnant. You said that you had a couple of drinks after work before and now you drink once or twice a week. Those arent assumptions.

In my opinion you are alcohol dependant. You need alcohol. I never said that you would be drunk.

I don't think you are being U. When I was pregnant DH only drank red wine or real ale, neither of which I like. I would have been miffed if he drank champagne or nice White in front of me!

OhNo I suffered terribly during my first pregnancy. I was depressed, severely anaemic, horrendous SPD which resulted in crutches & being virtually housebound from 30 weeks. I struggled to even keep water down at times. I had terrible migraines. I couldnt sleep. I resented being pregnant. I have always unconditionally loved my children but I hated the whole pregnancy thing. My second pregnancy was bad but not as much as the first.
Should I have given my child away to another couple to treasure & nurture?

I say that as a woman who struggled to conceive for 8 years with DS1 then 4 years with DS2. My children are my world. My miracles.
Wind your fucking neck in. What a horrible horrible thing to say. You should be fucking ashamed of yourself.

OP. It's normal to have mixed emotions in pregnancy but I too would advise you move over to the relationships or pregnancy boards where you will recieve wonderful support & you can vent without all the vitriol that can be spouted here. You sound really sad & trapped. If you can please book in to see your GP or MW. They will listen to you & help you in any way they can.

OP, you should definitely talk to your midwife or GP about how you are feeling. A friend of mine had antenatal depression. She couldn't even bear the thought of shopping for things for the baby, but as soon as the baby arrived, it lifted and she adored her. I hadn't heard about antenatal depression before this. I also have a friend who got pregnant by accident. She was dreading being a mum for much of the pregnancy even though she didn't have antenatal depression - it was just that she hadn't been prepared for it, but she too is a great mum who adores her little boy (and has just had another, more carefully planned one!). Just because you didn't skip delightedly into having a baby doesn't mean you won't be a great mum.

YANBU ffs. What's unreasonable, and ridiculous, is anyone acting like alcohol is a necessity. If you can't enjoy a wedding sober then work on your personality instead of drinking more.

I really feel for you here Op. I'm pregnant. My dh asks if I mind him having the occasional beer in the evenings (I don't). He's also on a big health kick so I ask him if he minds me sitting on the sofa and eating a family pack of malteasers (he doesn't.)

But I'd be really fucked off if he told me I was never allowed to snack around him. People generally don't like being told what to do and will act out accordingly.

But I think you know this is about more than just alcohol. It doesn't sound like you're in a supportive environment and I do think it's worth talking to a GP about how bad you're feeling about your pregnancy.

For the record, this is dc3 for me and I hate being pregnant. I find parenting much easier than coping with pregnancy. Good luck

RebootYourEngine : My OP is about my partner not being supportive re a pregnancy-related deprivation that I find particularly annoying.

MarcelineTheVampire : that is really helpful, thanks. Sounds like it was a real struggle for and it is reassuring to know that you have come out of it feeling happy and positive.

OP YABU and controlling!

I'm 37+5 weeks pregnant and have hated 99% of my pregnancy! I had HG and really struggled at first BUT I do not expect my OH to have to suffer along with me!

• Should I keep him awake all night because it's not fair as I can no longer sleep? No
• Should I give him a good kick in the balls because it's not fair I have to go through the most pain in my life? No
• Should I ask him to drink salt water so he can be sick every time I throw up? No
• So should a partner have to give up alcohol just because you have to? Even in front of you? No!

At the end of the day, you and I made the choice to have a baby (mine was unplanned too) so you have to suck it up and deal with the restrictions and stop being so resentful and jealous of your OH. It's not his fault, blame biology!

PurpleAquilegia

The OP said:
"Plus I am only doing this because he wants children."

In what way is suggesting the OP consider adoption "Disgusting"? And no, "I'm not in least bit fucking ashamed of myself

Same message to you glasgowlass I'm not in least bit fucking ashamed of myself

I'm not judging the OP - don't judge me.