To ask my husband not to drink around me while pregnant?

[dellacucina]

Or to only drink the 1 unit I am allowed? It makes me feel extremely isolated and resentful to be alone in this, on top of all of the other crap things about being pregnant. Plus I am only doing this because he wants children.

We have gone to loads of weddings lately and he drinks lots and lots of nice things while I watch.

At home, he will grab a beer and go to the other room, saying it is not in front of me.

At the same time, he has told me that the restrictions I have to deal with are not that bad and I should just deal.

Is this an unreasonable request? I have not asked him to stop altogether, just in my presence.

I hear you OP. To the point where one of the major reasons I don't have children is that I could not reconcile myself to being the one who had to do all the physical work of pregnancy and labour and breast feeding (the first two of which I find fairly repellant; I realise they are not, before anyone jumps on me, just saying how I've always felt about undergoing them). I'd have probably quite happily been a father, but as option wasn't there I am not!

However, I am sure you will be a good mother when the time comes. It's fine to not relish the preceding bit. And it's fine to have doubts. Many women do, so don't listen to the 'oh the poor baby' comments.

But it sounds like your communication with your partner needs to improve (mutually, not saying you're at fault here, and he sounds very unsympathetic) because the resentment brewing could be disastrous.

Plus I am only doing this because he wants children.

While I am not sure this is a good idea. a bit of gratitude on his side would not go amiss.

I do not think you are unreasonable, but then, I am the sort of person who would never go through a pregnancy if I wasn't sure I wanted a child in the first place.
And would demand a LOT of gratitude from the man who gets his biologically own child as free delivery without doing any of the work.

Hi op yabu on the initial point but you sound like you have a touch of antenatal depression. My first baby was conceived in difficult circumstances and I felt very similar to you.
Your Dh isn't listening to you or trying to be empathetic and that is going to make everything worse. Have a chat to your midwife or gp and if you want to PM me please do, I loathed my first pregnancy

Also you will love your baby, of course you will, and anyone suggesting otherwise should back right off and give you a break.

I do not like being pregnant and have always been ambivalent about having children. That doesn't mean I am a horrible person or will be a horrible mother.

Yy^

The 'poor child' comments are vile.
OP isn't enjoying pregnancy and clearly not in a good place, but this is not an indicator that she'll be a bad parent.

In all seriousness, please consider the future of this child: you could give the gift of a baby to a childless couple who would treasure it and love it and nurture it in a way that you never will.

Just read this! Don't normally swear on mn but this comment is completely fucking out of order

It seems I need to repeat myself yet again.

"..on top of all of the other crap things about being pregnant. Plus I am only doing this because he wants children."

If a women is pregnant and does not wish to be, she has a choice. She can have an abortion, she can offer the child up for adoption, she can have the child and treat it badly, with resentment, for as long as she wishes. Or love the child too of course.

Clearly I should have advised the OP to LTB immediately, because that would be the much better option, obviously.

How, exactly, do you lot KNOW that the OP will immediately love the child? You don't. Not all women do. Maybe, just maybe, I was crediting the OP with telling the truth. There is no crime in giving up a child for adoption - though clearly there's a huge MN crime in even suggesting it as an option.

Wind your necks in people.

You can give that sort of advice in the right context but you don't even know op, apart from her one post on the matter. It's dangerous to give such potentially life changing advice silly nilly to a stranger over the Internet. It's fucking ridiculous - you're not an expert neithe do you know op so completely inappropriate advice imo

Bog off ohno

Take your high horse and soap box elsewhere and stop suggesting from the snapshot the OP posted she needs to consider anything other than if she is BU to ask her DH not to drink round her or not

Fair enough some people don't like being pregnant ....can't say the last trimester if either of my pregnancies will go in the fun category but you are ebeig really childish

No its not fun not drinking or eating fun things but you've got one hell of a shock coming because there's a crap load that becomes unsuitable when you have a kid

Frankly it's made me appreciate things more ....I still have to get up to a baby at stupid o'clock so getting hammered isn't currently an option but damn a single glass of wine is far more appreciated than ever before

You don't get to punish others because you're miserable...grow up and might be worth thinking about what happens when you're a mother....because shocker alert...sometimes your kids will get to do things you can't do....are you planning to be bitchy and controlling with them as well?

No YOU wind your fucking neck in, OhNo Nobody here is saying that they know for sure that the OP will love her baby, but nobody apart from you is saying that they know she won't, either. That's the whole fucking point; being ambivalent about a pregnancy, even actively not wanting to be pregnant, having antenatal depression, postnatal depression, pretty much any variable you could think of... none of these accurately predict that someone

"Never will" [your exact words] treasure, love and nurture their baby once that baby is born.

So why don't you just stop trying to defend the indefensible and think about how your crass and ill-thought-out assertions might affect vulnerable people?

So why don't you just stop trying to defend the indefensible and think about how your crass and ill-thought-out assertions might affect vulnerable people?

YY^

OP of course YABU, but that isn't the real issue. Pregnancy is no walk in the park but then neither is being a parent, please discuss how you're feeling with your midwife & see what help is available to address this.

Lots of people feel luke-warm about pregnancy (or hate it) and have many anxieties about early parenthood.
Like thousands of mothers, some do not bond with their baby the second it's born but usually, with help or not they bond with their baby and love them within the first year. To suggest to an already anxious soon to be mum that she should give her baby away or should have aborted it is hideous. Shameful.

I do think the OP is being unreasonable re the drink thing, however your partner sounds horrendously unsupportive. In pregnant at the moment and, unlike my smooth sailing 1st pregnancy, every day of this one has been horrible and difficult, and if anyone told me it was easy or not a big deal they'd get a swift kick in the nuts.

Yabu. I wouldn't have occurred to me to ask anyone to stop drinking when u was pregnant. It sounds like you're struggling to see him enjoying himself tbh.

Are new people commenting reading the full thread???

Oh, OP. from your tone, I think you know that actually this isn't really about the drinking, is it?

If this isn't what you really want and you are resenting your DH for it, you need to talk to him, not try and find some arbitrary thing to be angry with him about instead- that isn't fair on either of you. Do you really feel you are only having the baby for him, or is that something that has happened since you stopped being able to touch your toes and starting carrying a plastic bag on your commute just in case? I'm pregnant at the moment with a very much planned baby and still find myself muttering dark threats about my husband's balls several times a day. And jealous though I am when I see him with a gin and tonic, I know it's not fair to say he can't have one either.

But if it's more than that then you really need to talk to him about it. Do you have anyone to support you IRL?

OhNo
In all seriousness, please consider the future of this child: you could give the gift of a baby to a childless couple who would treasure it and love it and nurture it in a way that you never will. sad sad

⬆ This is you not judging the OP? Really hmm
Every woman has a different experience in pregnancy, it does not automatically mean the OP will not love her child when he/she is born. The OP had stated that her pregnancy was sudden after stopping BC. Stop to think a bit. She's probably not fully prepared for it to happen so quickly. Maybe even in shock. Antenatal depression is very real and very debilitating. She is seeking reassurance not judgemental bile & suggestions that she just gives her baby away like an unwanted item. I stand by what I said. You should be fucking ashamed or are you in the habit of spouting shite to possibly depressed people seeking reassurance? In all my years on here I have rarely come across a statement so utterly heartless.

^^ This. My stomach actually lurched when I read that. It's possibly the cruelest thing I've ever read on MN, and that's saying something.

OP, you sound exactly like how I felt when pregnant with DS1. I hope it reassures you a bit to know that as soon as he was born I fell totally in love with him. Good luck

True actually. I think telling someone they will never love their baby is certainly in the top 5 all time arsehole comments on here.

I spent nights and nights crying because I didn't love my baby enough. I was suicidal. I think having the memory of some some utter bitch telling me I never would would have made things even worse. You fucking idiot.

Oh and yes, to OP I didn't fall in love immediately but it absolutely came in the end and it was overwhelming when the love hit.

Ouch. Some seriously harsh judging in there.
Op, don't know if you are reading anymore - wouldn't blame you if you are not! - but YANBU for asking for a bit of support and solidarity in your pregnancy and your DH sounds like he is being a pratt.
I also was ambivalent about being a parent and mainly had one for my DH. Hated being pregnant too, I got gestational diabetes which had a whole bunch of extta food restrictions, was horribly fatigued and miserable for most of it. If my partner had been being an arse during it too, I would have gone bananas at him. And weddings are the bloody worst, I went to one where I couldn't eat a single course although I had warned then I was preggers. Hang in there.
On the plus side, I found the newborn stage super easy as I was so delighted not to be pregnant anymore and now I have a hilarious adorable toddler it all seems worthwhile.

If a women is pregnant and does not wish to be, she has a choice. She can have an abortion, she can offer the child up for adoption,

... giving the child up for adoption won't stop the pregnancy! Unless you are so much cleverer than everyone else and have invented a painless transplantation method whereby this pregnancy can be transferred to YOUR body.

Or do you seriously suggest that she just drink alcohol and then give the child up for adoption so any damage done by the alcohol is not her problem anymore? What?!

I can't stand people like you. Do you even read what you write here?

Giving up the child for adoption won't be something she can do, anyway, because her husband will be entitled to the child, due to laws that don't take pregnancy into account, and so the child will go to him - at least that's the case where I live, and somehow I don't think UK is so much better.

So if it is too late for an abortion, she is stuck.

I would have an abortion, if possible, because there's no way I would go through pregnancy and childbirth for the sake of a man who cannot even fucking stop drinking around me.

... and how does hating pregnancy has fuck all to do with what sort of parent someone is going to be?

Do you think of all men as shitty parents by default, seeing as many (or most, we cannot possibly know) men would not want children if they had to go through pregnancy themselves?