To ask my husband not to drink around me while pregnant?

[dellacucina]

Or to only drink the 1 unit I am allowed? It makes me feel extremely isolated and resentful to be alone in this, on top of all of the other crap things about being pregnant. Plus I am only doing this because he wants children.

We have gone to loads of weddings lately and he drinks lots and lots of nice things while I watch.

At home, he will grab a beer and go to the other room, saying it is not in front of me.

At the same time, he has told me that the restrictions I have to deal with are not that bad and I should just deal.

Is this an unreasonable request? I have not asked him to stop altogether, just in my presence.

Have a small can of Guinness or some orange juice.....
You know waht if you enjoy rare steak, just have it a bit less bloody.

So long as he doesn't become an arsehole after a drink, YABU

della I solved the issue of toxoplasmosis by asking my MW to do a blood test. A lot of peolpe are immunue anyway (esp if you have had a cat).

Maybe worth asking

For me seems to be about you feeling like you're loosing control over your life and body. Are you normally a person 'who's in control'at all times. Are you a planner? Do you micro-manage every aspect of your life? If this is the case I can completely understand why you feel so pissed off?

PlatoTheGreat : Can you DO that??? I had cats all through childhood so likely have also had it. This would bring me great joy.

Wow @ having a child you don't want. Is it too late to abort? I get so angry at mothers who felt they had to follow the "life script" and spent their entire pregnancy / parenthood whining about the kids. Let the people who really want to do it , do it .

(I didn't)

Sophie I have raised that and then op has said she is definitely keeping the baby.

I think it would usually be unreasonable to expect a partner to stop drinking whilst you are pregnant, and I say that as someone who is currently 37 weeks.

However, you are clearly struggling with the pregnancy and finding your partner unsupportive. You really need to speak to your midwife and your partner about how you are feeling. I don't think it would be completely unreasonable for him to stop drinking at the moment, just whilst you are seeking some support.

Yes you can (Its a blood test that is routinely done in my home country).
I don't know if the MW will be happy to do it now (cost issues). but certainly worth asking!

I don't think YABU OP. I had prenatal depression and this was fuelled by my DP continuing our previous lifestyle including drinking.

I never asked him to stop but wish I had as perhaps I wouldn't have felt so alone and isolated.

All those saying it's just 9 months, if your lifestyle includes drinking then it is hard to have that completely change over night.

Just as a side note, you will not always feel like this- I was overjoyed when I had my DC and I do not suffer with post natal depression.

RestlessTraveller : Yes, I am a total control freak. So is my husband. We are both used to having a lot of control over everything, to a certain extent, even our work schedules. I also have always been extremely careful about my weight/appearance. Pregnancy (and motherhood) has always scared me due in part to the lack of control and loss of freedom it entails.

OP didn't say she didn't want the child, she said she was ambivalent about being a mother and that her OH was much more keen on the idea.

Maybe I'm projecting, but why shouldn't his life be a little less fun? Is he going to be able to crack open a beer whenever he fancies when the baby is here? Or will he need to crack on with nappies, playing, sorting out house stuff or food?

I distinctly remember getting pissy when I was pregnant because it felt like DP was cramming in all his 'before the baby is here' perks that he knew would be off the table soon, while I was already there. Might make me selfish, so be it, but I found it really hard to bury that kind of resentment and can recall it very clearly.

I'm not of the variety that thinks pregnancy in itself deserves special treatment, but given its temporary nature, yes a partner can suck up tempering their behaviour if it means a happier and more supported partner. They can't really go through pregnancy with you, but they can definitely try and help you be happier.

Unfortunately one of the massive side effects of pregnancy and having children is the lack of control. There are so many things that you just won't be able to control.

I don't think you should go in for motherhood being "ambivalent"

SayCoolNowSayWhip : I appreciate your comments/sympathy/etc. If you don't mind sharing, how did you feel post-birth? Did your antenatal depression go away?

Who says you are only allowed one drink? Who is being controlling?

Op, you are clearly hugely resentful of both your baby and your DH. I think this is a very sad state to be in - why on earth did you agree to have a child when you obviously don't really want one? And your relationship is not that great either, reading your posts.

In all seriousness, please consider the future of this child: you could give the gift of a baby to a childless couple who would treasure it and love it and nurture it in a way that you never will.

If you really wanted a baby, you would do everything possible to avoid drinking no matter whether your husband is drinking or not, facts speak for themselves. Having a baby just because your husband wants to, is just unreasonable and unacceptable.

That is not fair. The op has made the decision to have the baby. She bears the responsibility to love and care for him or her (as does her oh). Saying "you never will" is not going to fill her with confidence in her own parenting abilities.

Bollocks adrian

Overly simplistic and in the "good mummies do x y and z with a smile on their face" vein.

Ffs, Ohno, apart from being massively inappropriate given Dellacucina hasn't at any point said she actively doesn't want this baby, how do you think adoption actually works? You don't just relinquish a baby and that's it done and dusted.

How much thought did you put into having a baby?

When you are pregnant you cant drink and when the baby is born you still wont be able to drink as much as you used to. What if you decide to breast feed. What if something happens with the baby and you need to go to the hospital. How are you going to get there and do you really want to turn uo smelling of alcohol. Also how competent are you after 1 or 3 drinks.

I think you sound drink dependent and maybe you should speak to your midwife about that.

Maybe I'm projecting, but why shouldn't his life be a little less fun?

There is no need for him to give up anything, hes not pregnant - biology dictates that. I would never have expected my DH to stop drinking when I was pregnant. But he was supportive, which OPs DH doesnt sound.

OP I still think YABU but I can see why you feel the way you do. The lack of empathy comment is quite worrying actually, especially since he doesnt even seem capable of it towards you.