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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To think I do not deserve 3 days of verbal abuse from my Dickhead husband for this?

235 replies

SGlass · 29/06/2016 08:27

went away for a few days and left my kids (15 and 17) home alone. We've done this a few times and it's always been ok - MIL around corner and normally sensible lads. Unfortunately this time oldest had a party without consent of approval. Stuff got moved, minor things got broken and a bottle of JD has gone missing. Also, someone slept in our bed. DH and I both fuming. I spoke to DS and told him how disappointed I was, how let down I felt, how angry I was and how disappointed in him I am. I also told him the phone he's been asking me to help him buy is now off the cards and there is now a blanket ban on friends in the house.
Well DH decided this was not the way I should have dealt with it as my wording was all wrong. From then on (this was Monday) I have received a list of insults from DH such as "you're as bad as them, you need to grow some balls, you're soft as shit, they're not my kids so why should I sort them out (I never asked him too) the 3 of you are a joke, you've brought them up like this, they're the worst kids I know, DS is a liar and a spoilt brat, if you don't grow some balls and sort it the marriage is doomed, if he keeps knocking this house about I'll knock him about" etc etc etc - he just went on and on and in laying into me all night until I went to bed.

Last night was horrendous. I'd spent all day washing and tidying his clothes that he took away with him and made him dinner. As soon as he came in he started on me again. To cut a long story short it started off with the same stuff as night before so I went in another room. He then asked me for my bank details so he could have a look at transactions. Nothing to hide so gave him the details. Next minute he comes flying in with a list of transactions that he wanted explaining (most were me transferring money to DS either for pocket money, clothes, the odd phone top up and times when he's given me cash and asked me to transfer it to his bank so he can buy something online. Now obviously I can't explain precisely the £10 that went out on the 4th October last year because I can't remember!!!

He ended up throwing the list at me, called me a piece of shit and then stormed off. He then came back in and stepped up the insults with "you still act like a single mother on easy street, I'm just a meal ticket for you three, I'm a fucking mug putting up with you 3, they're not even my fucking kids yet I'm the breadwinner, you're a user, all 3 of you are fucking users, none of you respect me, wish I'd never fucking married you (this one hurt). Etc etc

We only got married 2 months ago. What a spiteful horrible cunt of a man to say that to me. Can I just add I work full time earning £22k a year so I'm not a fucking user or gold digger. It's £22k a year more than his perfect ex ever brought in yet I'm the user??? I've been sworn at, had paper thrown at me, had the sofa/desk whacked where I've been sitting, called a user/piece of shit, been reminded constantly of his "breadwinner status" and been told he wishes he'd never married me - because my son had a party???!!

On top of this he slept in another room last night and told me to organise my kids tea before I go for my late shift today as they're not his kids so he's not responsible for feeding them.

Been married two months and I want to throw the fucker out. I feel it all so unjustified. I've tried talking to him sensibly and he just shouts me down, twists my words and swears at me like a chavvy loser. Fuming.

OP posts:
trafalgargal · 29/06/2016 12:43

OP if you want throw him out ......what is stopping you?

hellsbellsmelons · 29/06/2016 12:48

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sherbetpips · 29/06/2016 12:48

Does he have any history of mood swings? Manic depression? Is there anywhere you can go for a week or so to get away from each other so that you can at least both get to a calm enough point to talk about it?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 29/06/2016 12:50

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PoundingTheStreets · 29/06/2016 12:51

Well if you let this pass, I can promise you that you'll quite quickly find your sons treating you the same as they see abusive male privilege is allowed in your household.

Hersetta427 · 29/06/2016 12:57

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DownUnderBound · 29/06/2016 12:58

Ohhh ok I have just seen all the comments. I remember all the posts from before. Fucking annoying to give the same advice out over and over again to what turns out to be the same person. Anyone know why previous thread have been deleted? As far as I know op is a genuine person?

firesidechat · 29/06/2016 13:00

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RudeElf · 29/06/2016 13:01

Why the fuck would you marry this asshole? Confused

EverySecondCounts · 29/06/2016 13:05

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TriniRedVelvet · 29/06/2016 13:08

Get. Rid. Of.

spankhurst · 29/06/2016 13:10

OK, this man is clearly an awful person and you need him out of your life, and almost more importantly out of your kids' lives.

Imagine if your friend had just told you all this about her husband.

Sorry OP Sad.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 29/06/2016 13:11

Those poor boys!

DownUnderBound · 29/06/2016 13:11

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ElspethFlashman · 29/06/2016 13:11

I remember Marilynz was one of the usernames last year. Can't remember what was used this year though.

agentmarmalade · 29/06/2016 13:16

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AyeAmarok · 29/06/2016 13:30

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DownUnderBound · 29/06/2016 13:34

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HugoBear · 29/06/2016 13:46

OP - you have to get rid of him sooner rather than later.

DailyMailEthicalFail · 29/06/2016 13:54

I don't think it is okay at ALL to post the OP's (potential) previous usernames.

I am accepting this at face value.
The OP is reaching out for clarity and support.
In a DV situation where anonymity might be crucial.
And we are posting previous usernames? Confused

OP, if you are still there. I believe you. You HAVE to get out.
It doesn't matter if you've been putting up with it /children exposed to it for years, it is STILL worth getting out.
Please try. For them. and for you. x

DailyMailEthicalFail · 29/06/2016 13:58

sorry, of course it MATTERS if children have been exposed to it for years.

But it matters MORE that you get out now. Pm me if you need an ear.

TheDuchessOfArbroathsHat · 29/06/2016 14:01

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LineyReborn · 29/06/2016 14:03

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TheDuchessOfArbroathsHat · 29/06/2016 14:07

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PeterGriffinsPenisBeaker · 29/06/2016 14:12

What's a PBP?