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To think I do not deserve 3 days of verbal abuse from my Dickhead husband for this?

235 replies

SGlass · 29/06/2016 08:27

went away for a few days and left my kids (15 and 17) home alone. We've done this a few times and it's always been ok - MIL around corner and normally sensible lads. Unfortunately this time oldest had a party without consent of approval. Stuff got moved, minor things got broken and a bottle of JD has gone missing. Also, someone slept in our bed. DH and I both fuming. I spoke to DS and told him how disappointed I was, how let down I felt, how angry I was and how disappointed in him I am. I also told him the phone he's been asking me to help him buy is now off the cards and there is now a blanket ban on friends in the house.
Well DH decided this was not the way I should have dealt with it as my wording was all wrong. From then on (this was Monday) I have received a list of insults from DH such as "you're as bad as them, you need to grow some balls, you're soft as shit, they're not my kids so why should I sort them out (I never asked him too) the 3 of you are a joke, you've brought them up like this, they're the worst kids I know, DS is a liar and a spoilt brat, if you don't grow some balls and sort it the marriage is doomed, if he keeps knocking this house about I'll knock him about" etc etc etc - he just went on and on and in laying into me all night until I went to bed.

Last night was horrendous. I'd spent all day washing and tidying his clothes that he took away with him and made him dinner. As soon as he came in he started on me again. To cut a long story short it started off with the same stuff as night before so I went in another room. He then asked me for my bank details so he could have a look at transactions. Nothing to hide so gave him the details. Next minute he comes flying in with a list of transactions that he wanted explaining (most were me transferring money to DS either for pocket money, clothes, the odd phone top up and times when he's given me cash and asked me to transfer it to his bank so he can buy something online. Now obviously I can't explain precisely the £10 that went out on the 4th October last year because I can't remember!!!

He ended up throwing the list at me, called me a piece of shit and then stormed off. He then came back in and stepped up the insults with "you still act like a single mother on easy street, I'm just a meal ticket for you three, I'm a fucking mug putting up with you 3, they're not even my fucking kids yet I'm the breadwinner, you're a user, all 3 of you are fucking users, none of you respect me, wish I'd never fucking married you (this one hurt). Etc etc

We only got married 2 months ago. What a spiteful horrible cunt of a man to say that to me. Can I just add I work full time earning £22k a year so I'm not a fucking user or gold digger. It's £22k a year more than his perfect ex ever brought in yet I'm the user??? I've been sworn at, had paper thrown at me, had the sofa/desk whacked where I've been sitting, called a user/piece of shit, been reminded constantly of his "breadwinner status" and been told he wishes he'd never married me - because my son had a party???!!

On top of this he slept in another room last night and told me to organise my kids tea before I go for my late shift today as they're not his kids so he's not responsible for feeding them.

Been married two months and I want to throw the fucker out. I feel it all so unjustified. I've tried talking to him sensibly and he just shouts me down, twists my words and swears at me like a chavvy loser. Fuming.

OP posts:
WellErrr · 29/06/2016 08:44

Please take all these warnings now and LEAVE HIM.

This is who he is. Do you really want this for your children?

SGlass · 29/06/2016 08:45

Practically - we both own the house as joint tenants. What are my rights if he won't go? Bearing in mind this is my kids home too.

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 29/06/2016 08:45

Whose house is it? (I'm thinking only of the practicalities.)

How are your DSs?

cozietoesie · 29/06/2016 08:45

X post.

DirtyPlacemarker · 29/06/2016 08:46

This happened to me after I married. We were together 6 years, had lived together all without incident. A month or so in I was told I wasn't behaving like a wife should and I wasn't treating him properly. We got divorced within a year. Luckily, no children.
I hope things improve for you. Flowers I wouldn't stay under those circumstances.

Kimononono · 29/06/2016 08:47

Well he has finally revealed his true self. Do not try and fool yourself this was a one off.

You need to be very careful now as those two boys will turn in men and this could get very nasty when they him abuse their mother

acasualobserver · 29/06/2016 08:47

If he's told you he wishes he'd never married you, I'd take him at his word. Make a solicitor's appointment and get the ball rolling.

BlueJug · 29/06/2016 08:47

A financial question: is the house rented or owned?
If owned who by? If a secure LA or HA tenancy in whose name?

Secondly; has he ever behaved like this before to you or anyone else?

glenthebattleostrich · 29/06/2016 08:49

Make an appointment with a solicitor today.

You may have to move house, but surely that's better than living with this arsehole.

cozietoesie · 29/06/2016 08:50

I'd speak to a solicitor today if you can - or as quickly as you can arrange it. It doesn't sound as if this can be sorted in any way. Three days of continuous abuse?? Gawd.

eddielizzard · 29/06/2016 08:51

he's started as he means to carry on.

he managed to keep his shit together until you got married. now he's unleashing the abuse because you've made the commitment.

this is how he feels. it doesn't matter what you or your ds did, he's just looking for the excuse.

i'd be looking around for a solicitor now.

SGlass · 29/06/2016 08:51

House is owned jointly by both of us.

He has acted like this to be honest, the unreasonable argument, the accusations, the derogatory comments, the comments about how I was nothing before I met him and that he's the one with the money etc - only this time he seemed full of actual contempt, outright admitting that he regretted our marriage, getting in my face, throwing things at me and whacking furniture - I definitely believe it was a step up

OP posts:
Inexperiencedchick · 29/06/2016 08:52

💐 so sorry you are going through this.

Your kids won't respect you in future if you put up with this now.
Leave him. Don't allow him to humiliate you so much...
If you don't leave now you will start walking on eggshells...
Please leave. Life is too short.

Oysterbabe · 29/06/2016 08:52

LTB. Seriously.
My poor nephew has had to grow with a man constantly banging on at my sister about controlling her brat and he's not mine but I have to put up with him and pay for him etc.
He's hoping to move out the second he can.

cozietoesie · 29/06/2016 08:53

You mean he's done this before now you think about it? I thought you said this was new behaviour for him?

MrsBertBibby · 29/06/2016 08:53

You won't be able to start divorcing him for another 10 months, I'm afraid.

Where did the money for the house come from?

If he carries on with this behaviour you need to consider a non molestation order, and if he can't behave himself with one of those in place, you'll need to consider an occupation order removing him.

See a solicitor and think about severing the joint tenancy and making a will so your boys aren't penniless if you die.

What a mess. You poor soul.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/06/2016 08:53

Op you throw that horrid abusive man out right now! His behaviour is disgraceful and the way he's treated you. I would not have given him any bank details. It over, you cannot get back from this.

timeandtide · 29/06/2016 08:54

No matter how bad the party was you dont deserve to be spoken to like that.

ficbia how would you have disciplined the boy?

I'd consider leaving him and I don't say that very often

SGlass · 29/06/2016 08:54

Thinking about it he has done it before, it just seemed a lot worse this time, much more aggressive and it's the first time I've felt like I could be in danger of being hit.

OP posts:
followTheyellowbrickRoad · 29/06/2016 08:54

I can imagine he will apologise soon. Blame it on stress, how his ex wife treated him etc. He may even take responsibility for it. But don't be fooled he won't mean it. As the others have said he has shown his true colours now.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/06/2016 08:55

This is over, yo need to see a solicitor, contact Woman's Aid and go to CAB.

memyselfandaye · 29/06/2016 08:56

I can't believe you gave him your bank details so he could check up on you.

Get rid, your kids deserve better, than having that creep forced upon them.

MrsBertBibby · 29/06/2016 08:57

Throwing things at you? FFS. You need a solicitor, and you need to talk to your domestic violence team. Your kids' school, your GP, your local CAB or library etc will have contact details.

LadyStarkOfWinterfell · 29/06/2016 08:57

He's been abusive for a while and it's escalating, and he's involving your kids.
You need legal advice about the house. You should leave him though - it won't get better

SGlass · 29/06/2016 08:58

He won't apologise. He never does. He'll either start again tonight or we've follow the transition period into stonewalling which he'll do for at least two days. I'm normally the one to try and make up with him and he'll reject me for two days or so before finally "deciding " that my punishment is over and we can talk again. Well fuck that, not this time. Nobody else in the world speaks to me like he does.

OP posts: