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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To think I do not deserve 3 days of verbal abuse from my Dickhead husband for this?

235 replies

SGlass · 29/06/2016 08:27

went away for a few days and left my kids (15 and 17) home alone. We've done this a few times and it's always been ok - MIL around corner and normally sensible lads. Unfortunately this time oldest had a party without consent of approval. Stuff got moved, minor things got broken and a bottle of JD has gone missing. Also, someone slept in our bed. DH and I both fuming. I spoke to DS and told him how disappointed I was, how let down I felt, how angry I was and how disappointed in him I am. I also told him the phone he's been asking me to help him buy is now off the cards and there is now a blanket ban on friends in the house.
Well DH decided this was not the way I should have dealt with it as my wording was all wrong. From then on (this was Monday) I have received a list of insults from DH such as "you're as bad as them, you need to grow some balls, you're soft as shit, they're not my kids so why should I sort them out (I never asked him too) the 3 of you are a joke, you've brought them up like this, they're the worst kids I know, DS is a liar and a spoilt brat, if you don't grow some balls and sort it the marriage is doomed, if he keeps knocking this house about I'll knock him about" etc etc etc - he just went on and on and in laying into me all night until I went to bed.

Last night was horrendous. I'd spent all day washing and tidying his clothes that he took away with him and made him dinner. As soon as he came in he started on me again. To cut a long story short it started off with the same stuff as night before so I went in another room. He then asked me for my bank details so he could have a look at transactions. Nothing to hide so gave him the details. Next minute he comes flying in with a list of transactions that he wanted explaining (most were me transferring money to DS either for pocket money, clothes, the odd phone top up and times when he's given me cash and asked me to transfer it to his bank so he can buy something online. Now obviously I can't explain precisely the £10 that went out on the 4th October last year because I can't remember!!!

He ended up throwing the list at me, called me a piece of shit and then stormed off. He then came back in and stepped up the insults with "you still act like a single mother on easy street, I'm just a meal ticket for you three, I'm a fucking mug putting up with you 3, they're not even my fucking kids yet I'm the breadwinner, you're a user, all 3 of you are fucking users, none of you respect me, wish I'd never fucking married you (this one hurt). Etc etc

We only got married 2 months ago. What a spiteful horrible cunt of a man to say that to me. Can I just add I work full time earning £22k a year so I'm not a fucking user or gold digger. It's £22k a year more than his perfect ex ever brought in yet I'm the user??? I've been sworn at, had paper thrown at me, had the sofa/desk whacked where I've been sitting, called a user/piece of shit, been reminded constantly of his "breadwinner status" and been told he wishes he'd never married me - because my son had a party???!!

On top of this he slept in another room last night and told me to organise my kids tea before I go for my late shift today as they're not his kids so he's not responsible for feeding them.

Been married two months and I want to throw the fucker out. I feel it all so unjustified. I've tried talking to him sensibly and he just shouts me down, twists my words and swears at me like a chavvy loser. Fuming.

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 29/06/2016 23:17

I think I'd be grateful it was just 4 kids.

He's sounds horrible. I'd LTB too.

FantasticButtocks · 29/06/2016 23:59

I'd say to him - right, you regret marrying me and I now regret marrying you so let's call it a day. This is not working. Then enjoy your life with your dcs. However much of a pain he finds them, or you, the way he has spoken and behaved towards you is SIMPLY UNACCEPTABLE.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/06/2016 00:41

Nice one NHQ Hmm - I can accept the deletion of my second message as it was responding to someone else saying they thought it was the same old poster, but the first one was far more circumspect and did NOT deserve deletion.

Trigger happy MNHQer, was it? And where's the message to explain? No?

SGlass - apologies for any mix up - and very glad that you have kicked him out. I can't imagine why you married him if he was like this beforehand, but at least you've come to your senses now and hopefully will divorce his sorry arse quickly.

BastardGoDarkly · 30/06/2016 00:48

Oh well done op. Another one here who shrugged at the party.

You all deserve better Flowers

BoatyMcBoat · 30/06/2016 01:14

Well done! He sounds vile.

You'll probably experience an emotional roller coaster for a while, but stay true to your sons and don't have shitface back. The dss deserve so much more and so do you.

sandy30 · 30/06/2016 01:18

4 kids - that's not a party! He's off on one. Well done you

Letmehaveausername · 30/06/2016 01:39

Is he definitely gone now OP? Are you safe? Do you have anyone in rl that can stay with you for a few days in case he tries to come back?

Letmehaveausername · 30/06/2016 11:02

Thinking of you this morning OP, really really hope you're safe

Lookatyourwatchnow · 30/06/2016 11:17

...and don't let him back. Ever.

hellsbellsmelons · 30/06/2016 11:29

Sorry for the confusion OP.
Well done on telling him not to come back.
I hope he listens.
If he does turn up threatening then call the police immediately.
I hope you are OK.
It can't be easy but you are doing the right thing for you and your DC.

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