Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To think I do not deserve 3 days of verbal abuse from my Dickhead husband for this?

235 replies

SGlass · 29/06/2016 08:27

went away for a few days and left my kids (15 and 17) home alone. We've done this a few times and it's always been ok - MIL around corner and normally sensible lads. Unfortunately this time oldest had a party without consent of approval. Stuff got moved, minor things got broken and a bottle of JD has gone missing. Also, someone slept in our bed. DH and I both fuming. I spoke to DS and told him how disappointed I was, how let down I felt, how angry I was and how disappointed in him I am. I also told him the phone he's been asking me to help him buy is now off the cards and there is now a blanket ban on friends in the house.
Well DH decided this was not the way I should have dealt with it as my wording was all wrong. From then on (this was Monday) I have received a list of insults from DH such as "you're as bad as them, you need to grow some balls, you're soft as shit, they're not my kids so why should I sort them out (I never asked him too) the 3 of you are a joke, you've brought them up like this, they're the worst kids I know, DS is a liar and a spoilt brat, if you don't grow some balls and sort it the marriage is doomed, if he keeps knocking this house about I'll knock him about" etc etc etc - he just went on and on and in laying into me all night until I went to bed.

Last night was horrendous. I'd spent all day washing and tidying his clothes that he took away with him and made him dinner. As soon as he came in he started on me again. To cut a long story short it started off with the same stuff as night before so I went in another room. He then asked me for my bank details so he could have a look at transactions. Nothing to hide so gave him the details. Next minute he comes flying in with a list of transactions that he wanted explaining (most were me transferring money to DS either for pocket money, clothes, the odd phone top up and times when he's given me cash and asked me to transfer it to his bank so he can buy something online. Now obviously I can't explain precisely the £10 that went out on the 4th October last year because I can't remember!!!

He ended up throwing the list at me, called me a piece of shit and then stormed off. He then came back in and stepped up the insults with "you still act like a single mother on easy street, I'm just a meal ticket for you three, I'm a fucking mug putting up with you 3, they're not even my fucking kids yet I'm the breadwinner, you're a user, all 3 of you are fucking users, none of you respect me, wish I'd never fucking married you (this one hurt). Etc etc

We only got married 2 months ago. What a spiteful horrible cunt of a man to say that to me. Can I just add I work full time earning £22k a year so I'm not a fucking user or gold digger. It's £22k a year more than his perfect ex ever brought in yet I'm the user??? I've been sworn at, had paper thrown at me, had the sofa/desk whacked where I've been sitting, called a user/piece of shit, been reminded constantly of his "breadwinner status" and been told he wishes he'd never married me - because my son had a party???!!

On top of this he slept in another room last night and told me to organise my kids tea before I go for my late shift today as they're not his kids so he's not responsible for feeding them.

Been married two months and I want to throw the fucker out. I feel it all so unjustified. I've tried talking to him sensibly and he just shouts me down, twists my words and swears at me like a chavvy loser. Fuming.

OP posts:
firesidechat · 29/06/2016 11:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ElspethFlashman · 29/06/2016 11:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

firesidechat · 29/06/2016 11:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn · 29/06/2016 11:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ElspethFlashman · 29/06/2016 11:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CrazyDuchess · 29/06/2016 11:18

I don't know the posters history - but OP if what others are saying is even remotely true this is truly horrific reading..... think about your bous if not your own safety!

cozietoesie · 29/06/2016 11:19

Maybe some day she will consider it differently though.

firesidechat · 29/06/2016 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ElspethFlashman · 29/06/2016 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Slummamumma · 29/06/2016 11:26

OP, I am so sorry to hear a v familiar story. As others have said, you need to get out of this situation and now. Please contact Women's Aid, CAB and get on the case today even if you have to leave work early. His behaviour will not get better and you were physically frightened. Don't delay any further - put your justified anger to good use! (btw, the party, I did that Blush)

Slummamumma · 29/06/2016 11:28

oh dear, just read the last few pages. If it the stories are true, the OP really needs help, if not wtf?!

Beefles · 29/06/2016 11:32

He's threatened abuse against your son and repeatedly insulted and verbally abused all three of you not to mention the financial/emotional abuse involved in checking your bank statement and using his earnings as emotional blackmail to get you to do what he wants... He is an abuser. Just so that is clear for you. You sound scared that this is going to escalate to physical so I would get him to move out. Even if it's temporary. Do not let him treat your kids this way. You did what you could. Kids have parties, he's not the first and he won't be the last. As long as he understands now that what he did was disrespectful to you and maybe get him to pay off the damage and things that are missing so he knows he won't be doing it again (as well as not paying for the phone).

harshbuttrue1980 · 29/06/2016 11:32

He's abusive and horrible. However, your son sounds like a spoilt brat, and if you don't give him proper discipline (and I don't mean physical abuse!!! But grounding, taking his privileges away etc), then it will be hard for any man to want to be around. Why are you topping up a 17 year old's phone?? He should have a part-time job, even a paper round!

You should have separate finances as there are kids involved - what you spend on your son is up to you and you shouldn't have to justify it (but if you make him spoilt, then that becomes your DH's problem too). However, he shouldn't have to pay for your kids or cook for them - they're your kids not his!

LTB, but also sort your son out so he doesn't become a spoilt monster who chases away any potential partner you have.

Beefles · 29/06/2016 11:35

And for anyone here acting like your kids should be your responsibility, if he resents taking care of someone else's kids why did he get with someone who has kids?!? Ive been here with a younger child and it will destroy your relationship with your kids if you aren't careful. He cannot come first and there are people out there who will have a relationship with you and with your kids that isn't abusive. Sod the marriage, sod the money. Take care of yourself and your kids first.

CheesyWeez · 29/06/2016 11:37

I am amazed that people think it's wrong for the teenagers to have their friends over when parents away! That's the best time to do it surely? Sounds like they are okay teenagers to me. I'd rather they were in my house than hanging about in the streets frightened to entertain their friends at their home. I have also found my bed obviously slept after we've been away but that's no big deal.

Really OP chuck your H out and don't let your kids think this kind of behaviour is okay or normal. Your H sounds damaged and damaging.

firesidechat · 29/06/2016 11:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

rainbowstardrops · 29/06/2016 11:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 29/06/2016 12:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DownUnderBound · 29/06/2016 12:01

He resents you. He resents your children. He hates your son. He mentioned physically him. He reminds you often they are not he's kids. If I lived like this and I was you op I would have severe anxiety. Your a grown ass woman and sound like a great mum. Serve the cunt his divorce papers with he's morning coffee & go find happiness elsewhere. Angry

firesidechat · 29/06/2016 12:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

takingfootoutmouth · 29/06/2016 12:21

Yup, he is out of order. An overreaction like that is either abusive tendancies or a guilty conscience on his part. Not excusing his behaviour but has he done something that him blowing a gasket at you means it gets covered/forgotten?
Hugs Flowers

Horehound · 29/06/2016 12:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ for trollhunting. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Purplebluebird · 29/06/2016 12:28

What! His behaviour is disgusting, chuck him out. It doesn't matter what your son does, you do not deserve that kind of treatment.

StickTheDMWhereTheSunDontShine · 29/06/2016 12:30

Given the threats of violence against your DS, you need to show him just how assertive you are and throw him out.

trafalgargal · 29/06/2016 12:43

My partner ever even mentioned doing physical violence to my grown son (he wouldn't he,s a decent man not pond scum) he'd be gone so fast his feet wouldn't touch the ground . As for the "party" since when was 4 teenagers getting together a party ?...

Swipe left for the next trending thread