Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To think I do not deserve 3 days of verbal abuse from my Dickhead husband for this?

235 replies

SGlass · 29/06/2016 08:27

went away for a few days and left my kids (15 and 17) home alone. We've done this a few times and it's always been ok - MIL around corner and normally sensible lads. Unfortunately this time oldest had a party without consent of approval. Stuff got moved, minor things got broken and a bottle of JD has gone missing. Also, someone slept in our bed. DH and I both fuming. I spoke to DS and told him how disappointed I was, how let down I felt, how angry I was and how disappointed in him I am. I also told him the phone he's been asking me to help him buy is now off the cards and there is now a blanket ban on friends in the house.
Well DH decided this was not the way I should have dealt with it as my wording was all wrong. From then on (this was Monday) I have received a list of insults from DH such as "you're as bad as them, you need to grow some balls, you're soft as shit, they're not my kids so why should I sort them out (I never asked him too) the 3 of you are a joke, you've brought them up like this, they're the worst kids I know, DS is a liar and a spoilt brat, if you don't grow some balls and sort it the marriage is doomed, if he keeps knocking this house about I'll knock him about" etc etc etc - he just went on and on and in laying into me all night until I went to bed.

Last night was horrendous. I'd spent all day washing and tidying his clothes that he took away with him and made him dinner. As soon as he came in he started on me again. To cut a long story short it started off with the same stuff as night before so I went in another room. He then asked me for my bank details so he could have a look at transactions. Nothing to hide so gave him the details. Next minute he comes flying in with a list of transactions that he wanted explaining (most were me transferring money to DS either for pocket money, clothes, the odd phone top up and times when he's given me cash and asked me to transfer it to his bank so he can buy something online. Now obviously I can't explain precisely the £10 that went out on the 4th October last year because I can't remember!!!

He ended up throwing the list at me, called me a piece of shit and then stormed off. He then came back in and stepped up the insults with "you still act like a single mother on easy street, I'm just a meal ticket for you three, I'm a fucking mug putting up with you 3, they're not even my fucking kids yet I'm the breadwinner, you're a user, all 3 of you are fucking users, none of you respect me, wish I'd never fucking married you (this one hurt). Etc etc

We only got married 2 months ago. What a spiteful horrible cunt of a man to say that to me. Can I just add I work full time earning £22k a year so I'm not a fucking user or gold digger. It's £22k a year more than his perfect ex ever brought in yet I'm the user??? I've been sworn at, had paper thrown at me, had the sofa/desk whacked where I've been sitting, called a user/piece of shit, been reminded constantly of his "breadwinner status" and been told he wishes he'd never married me - because my son had a party???!!

On top of this he slept in another room last night and told me to organise my kids tea before I go for my late shift today as they're not his kids so he's not responsible for feeding them.

Been married two months and I want to throw the fucker out. I feel it all so unjustified. I've tried talking to him sensibly and he just shouts me down, twists my words and swears at me like a chavvy loser. Fuming.

OP posts:
ohtheholidays · 29/06/2016 09:23

OP,he will leave the house.If he trys to refuse you call the Police!and I mean it,do it for your safety and your poor childrens safety and yes the Police will remove him for you as he's threatened to knock your children around,he's been agressive to you,he's also being emotionally abusive(emotional abuse is now something that a person can be arrested and charged for)and he's been financially abusive as well!

I helped some women get away from marriages like yours with all of them it started of alot lighter than what your describing but then it quickly went to physical abuse of the women and they're very young children.

This is not about the party and it's not because of you or your children!This is just who he is and who he's choosing to be,he did it with his ex wife and now he's doing it with you.

Will he be out of the house any time soon whilst your still there?If so bag up his clothes,passport,bank statements any cards ect(so anything important that he could whinge about needing within the next week)and leave it somewhere,a garage,friend or family members that you can leave it at?and then stick the locks on doors and windows so he can't get it and speak to a solicitor.

Any message on your phones,texts,emails,letters anything he sends you or has already sent you that is abusive in any way keep them all,the same goes for your sons if he trys to contact them.That's your solid proof there straight away to show anyone you need to(so Police,solicitors ect)if you have a joint bank account get your money out of it now,hide yours and your DC passports,the mortgage documents,driving licences of yours and the oldest if he has one,birth certificates of yours and your DC's,any loan or debt agreements.Find all of those and put them somewhere he won't look and keep them there until he's out of the house.
You might need these and he wouldn't be the first wanker to hide or destroy these kinds of things as a way to get at they're ex and the children.

Please get him out and report him today if you can,his behaviour is very erratic and he could do anything,make yourself and your DC safe before you do anything else.

Notagainmun · 29/06/2016 09:24

In a few years you DSs will be old enough to leave home. You will be stuck with this pig and your boys may not want to visit your home much. Don't let them see you put up with this shit. Be the strong, independent women they will be proud off. Don't let them think this is how marriages are. Please LTB

RoganJosh · 29/06/2016 09:24

If you hadn't said that people were allowed over, then obviously that's not ok, but the actual damage is so minor that it's almost irrelevant.
Even if it had been bad, your husband's treatment of you is a long way from ok though.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 29/06/2016 09:25

Danm fucking right you don't deserve it. There's absolutely no excuse cause rhyme or reason for this abusive behaviour , and you do not have to put up with it.
We've all been 17 and held parties in our parents absence. Well I'm certainly not going to pretend I never did it. Just a normal part of being a teenager I guess.
However throwing 3 day tantrums, is not normal behaviour for an adult, and Ironically while acting like this. He's prattling on about your teenage ds behaviour. Hmm. I might also add my 3 year old nephews doesn't even have temper tantrums.

firesidechat · 29/06/2016 09:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AyeAmarok · 29/06/2016 09:26

he's never acted like this before

He has. He's been acting like this for years and abusing her two children (and her). There have been threads about his abuse every few weeks for about a year or two, always with hundreds of posts saying LTB, put your DC first, stop letting your DC be abused, don't marry him etc etc. All fall on deaf ears. Then there's a NC and a new thread with the exact same thing.

Talking to the hand I'm afraid.

Sad
cozietoesie · 29/06/2016 09:27

....This is not about the party....

Oh that's true enough.

pictish · 29/06/2016 09:27

Turns out he has acted like this before...just not so severely. Now that King Dick's feet are under the table he can unleash the beast. Do as you're told or feel his wrath.

OP stonewalling is abuse, hitting the furniture you're on is abuse, insulting your kids is abuse, keeping it up for days is abuse, inspecting and questioning your bank account is abuse, calling you names is abuse, pulling 'rank' over household income is abuse...shouting and swearing at you is abuse. All of it is abuse.

He has started this marriage as he means to go on, I am telling you. U-turn! U-turn!!

firesidechat · 29/06/2016 09:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

upthegardenpath · 29/06/2016 09:32

OP, I think you know what you need to do for yours and yours kids' safety and your sanity.
Your post has it nailed.
I really hope you can now find the courage to go for it.
Good luck.

Whatsername17 · 29/06/2016 09:32

How dare he threaten to hit your kids? You are completely justified in telling him where to go. Your 17 year old was wrong but your punishment is fair enough, especially after your second post. Your H sounds like a complete bully. I hope you are okay. Flowers

IcedCoffeeToGo · 29/06/2016 09:32

This will be the first incident like this, they will get progressively worse.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 29/06/2016 09:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

pictish · 29/06/2016 09:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MorrisZapp · 29/06/2016 09:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

pictish · 29/06/2016 09:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LittleLionMansMummy · 29/06/2016 09:37

Op it sounds like you may have finally reached a realisation that unless you change things, this is how life will continue for you for years to come. If you have come to this realisation what will be your next step? You now need a plan and you need to carry through with it.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 29/06/2016 09:37

He's a dick.... No you don't 'deserve' any of this... No one does...

Research in relationships - red flags

lifehacker.com/5990762/four-signs-your-relationship-may-be-doomed

flippinada · 29/06/2016 09:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Arfarfanarf · 29/06/2016 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DailyMailEthicalFail · 29/06/2016 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

firesidechat · 29/06/2016 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

firesidechat · 29/06/2016 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

stiffstink · 29/06/2016 09:44

Is this the guy who is awful to your kids?! Ah, it all becomes clear now.

Well yes, LTB but no doubt you won't be back to this thread and we'll see you again in a few weeks for the latest developments with another name change.

LineyReborn · 29/06/2016 09:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.