To think breastmilk is not more important than the mother's wellbeing?

[Throughautomaticdoors]

I have expressed for dd exclusively for 27 weeks. It has been horrific but ultimately my choice. It's left me extremely tired and run down as I'm expressing 7 times a day, twice in the night, plus dd is also awake in the night so I'm getting maybe two hours sleep in any one block. I have pnd and also I'm taking painkiller every day as I've started getting awful headaches, I think because I'm so tired. I have an older dc too.

I saw my hv who said that whilst she wasn't allowed to tell me to stop she did think I should seriously consider winding it down and said she would ask infant feeding to speak to me about a plan of how to stop or reduce the expressing.

Infant feeding rang me yesterday and frankly they are ridiculous. The lady I spoke to (who I've encountered before and last time advised me to express every two hours) told me that six months breast milk is a minimum and actually it's better to carry on for two years to get any real benefit. I told her I had pnd and how basically the last six months had been dreadful, how tired I was and how I can't go anywhere because I have to be home to express and she suggested that I go five hours in the day but express more in the night. She said not to introduce formula as it's not suitable for babies digestive systems?! This woman isn't medically qualified by the way, she is a 'normal mum' who breastfed her four children. She told me breastmilk halves the length of any illness they might get and used that aggregating phrase 'liquid gold.'

Aibu to think at some point the health of the mother has to matter more than the supposed benefits of breast milk. I'm quite annoyed about it.

OP, please stop expressing. Given that your dc is drinking from bottles it will be fine. I had pnd. A few days after I stopped bf, it was like the sticky fog cleared. Xx

you have done enough - stop - please

I managed to BF for 4 weeks , 2 weeks and 2 weeks - I stopped because I hated it - it hurt and I needed sleep - I don't regret a thing but I never bought into the pressure to to it anyway

Please stop and start to enjoy being a mum!

(Apologies for not going through the whole thread - I can't deal with the stress of it right now! )

op, you have done brilliantly. I work and volunteer for a breastfeeding organisation, and beg you please to take this further of you have the energy. I have been trained (extensively) to provide information rather than advice iyswim - it is always up to decide what she wants to do.

We all know that mothers milk is amazing stuff, you know this of course, or you wouldn't have done such a truly amazing job of expressing for so long. especially with pnd

still, the wellbeing of the baby depends on the wellbeing of the mother. You must do whatever is best for your family, and YOU are the person best placed to decide what that is.

Please tell whoever your infant feeding 'adviser' works for about your experience with her. They would want to know!

and good luck to you whatever you decide to do.

I am pleasantly surprised that almost all of the posters have said that the OPS own health must come first. I think I thought you would all be saying that she must try to continue. It's great that you have all been so supportive. Well done guys! OP, do whatever feels right for you and your baby and please report the 'feeding advisor'.

OP, please stop right now. I'm very pro BF and I'm still feeding my DD but you sound exhausted and it's making you ill.

You've given your DC the very best start in life but you need to start enjoying them!!!

You've done amazingly well!
What a gift to your baby
You must feel proud of yourself

Now pack it in and have a few drinks to celebrate!

You've done amazing. You've breastfed for 6 months that's quite an achievement. Of course your dd will have had so many benefits. It's definitely ok to stop now and I've no doubt you'll be a lot happier as expressing is damn hard. I think this breastfeeding woman is horrible for how she's made you feel.

Your dd will be starting solids around now anyway & wont be long until that's her main food.

Just purely out of interest and not in any way relevant to you stopping but can I ask how come you ended up expressing?

I am v v v pro breastfeeding. Love BFing my DS and am quite militant about breastfeeding rights/support etc.

You deserve a medal for expressing for 27 weeks!!!! I HATED expressing and gave up trying to get DS on a bottle because I found trying to express ONCE in a day too stressful and time consuming!

Yes breast is best IF YOU CAN, and if you can WITHOUT driving yourself into the ground.

That HV can fuck right off and you need to give yourself permission to stop. I have NO idea how you've done it for so long. Bloody well done, but cut yourself some slack now. Maybe you could do one express feed a day if it would make you feel better to feel like you were still doing it a bit? The main thing is you find the right balance between feeling good about your choice and making sure you don't exhaust yourself. Whatever that balance is is the right decision. No matter what anyone else says.

People like this piss me off so much. I think breastfeeding support is SO important and we need so much more of it, but not from fuckwits like this lady!!!

At the end of the day, if you're not looking after yourself, how can you look after your baby? The best thing for your baby is a healthy and happy mum. It doesn't matter how you feed your baby, they will thrive. In 2 years time, this will all just be a tiny blip and you'll have something else to worry about. You're doing a brilliant job. Don't beat yourself up over bf. Take care of yourself xxx

Give yourself a break OP...

I had one of those 'Infant Feeding' people come round cos my baby had a haemangioma in her mouth which had broken open and got infected, so she was pulling away with pain. Which I knew; nonetheless i was told that it 'must be something I was doing wrong'. Silly person.
I call them 'the Breast Police'.

My son is nearly 7 and he is still alive, bright and lively boy who is rarely sick and he was never breast fed as I had a very traumatic birth.

You've done amazingly well but you really don't need to carry on, stop the breast feeding police from making you feel bad. Your child will survive as did my child.

Get yourself better and stronger.

You have done amazing to get this far, honestly. I expressed for my ds4 for 5 months and I found it really hard but felt like I should do it because I breastfed my others. DS4 had a severe cleft palate, in fact he had most of his palate missing so was never going to breastfeed. He couldn't suck a bottle either, I had to use a special squeezy bottle so I was literally squirting milk into his mouth.

These smug people who go on about how breastmilk is so important and how you must carry on even when you're exhausted and on the verge of breakdown really make me cross. This woman probably has no idea about what it's like to exclusively express.

You have done amazingly well and given your baby a great start. You need to focus on your own wellbeing and ignore this loon. I do sometimes think three breastfeeding support workers behave as if they're in a cult. I was on my knees with misery because DD wouldn't breastfeed well. When I mentioned that I had given her a bottle of formula and she had spit some of it up, I was told: "She's clearly allergic to formula. Lots of babies are." Absolute crap. She bloody loved formula!

*these, not three. I'm sure more than three of them are loons.

i really struggled with breastfeeding for the first 10 weeks, then it clicked and we are going great.

During that time, I knew that giving formula was fine and would probably have been better for my mental health but i still felt immensely guilty about it.
So I understand the guilt and the pressure but let me say this.

1. She's totally wrong about needing to do it for 2 years to see any benefit. That's bollocks. The colostrum is the real magic stuff. Halving the length of illness is bollocks. Formula not being suitable is bollocks.
2. You don't need anyone's permission to stop. You really don't. Motherhood is absolutely fucking exhausting as it is without creating any extra pressures on yourself. You could even pump once a day if you didn't WA t to stop totally- that way they'd still e getting antibodies etc.
3. Cut down gradually! You don't want mastitis

You, as mum, are the centre of your child's life. So you have to look after yourself. Looking after yourself is part of looking after them.

I am sure that in an ideal world breastfeeding is best. I failed dismally at it, breastfed for 5 days, and expressed for 3 weeks. Somehow I have managed to end up with a ridiculously healthy so far intelligent, and all round bloody wonderful DS. He is 8 now, and so far has had a total of 1 whole day off school ill. Do what works for you and your baby. There is no one size fits all for everyone.

I also tortured myself with many months of expressing. When I finally said enough I had so much more time to actually enjoy my baby. I wish I'd stopped sooner now! You've done an amazing job but it really does sound like its time to be a bit kinder to yourself now.

I did a less intense version (mix fed) for a few months, with only the one DS, and I still switched entirely to formula by about 4 months cos I just couldn't hack it. 6 months exclusive expressed milk is amazing!! You must be completely exhausted.

I'd just cut back gradually. Stop you being in pain, and to get your baby used to formula. Either alternate formula and breastmilk bottles or if baby won't drink the formula then mix together, so for an 8oz bottle give 6oz breastmilk and 2oz formula for a few days and then 4oz and 4oz etc. Then you can decide how much you want to keep expressing, or just stop completely.

Please STOP OP! Your health and mental wellbeing are more important than BF.

Also please report the Infant Feeding woman for giving (bollocks) medical advice when not qualified to do so. She is a danger to the public if she is saying "not to introduce formula as it's not suitable for babies digestive systems?!..... She told me breastmilk halves the length of any illness they might get"

shebashimmyshake is right the WHO advice. The guideline for 2yrs is NOT about capturing the benefits of BFing, which your baby has already had. It's about avoiding the downsides of formula in developing countries where there is no clean water and dirty bottles can cause diarrhoea which can be fatal. It's not relevant to your situation and should not be used as a stick to beat you with.

You've done a really, really incredible job expressing for this long. You can phase it out any time you are ready. As my mum told me, looking after yourself IS looking after your baby. My mum drives me nuts, but on that one she is right!

OP you are a superstar for exclusively pumping this long, well done. Infant feeding woman is not only a sanctimonious arse, she's also not very well informed. Please complain when you feel ready.

In terms of the pumping, I would try somewhere like the BFN helpline or a local LLL group.

I'm not an expert, but if it were me I would carry on expressing as normal for one more week, during which time I would try introducing formula. Different babies take to different brands, and ideally you should introduce slowly to avoid any tummy upsets. If your DC is being funny about it at first, you can mix EBM and formula and slowly up the formula content.

Once you've found one she likes, I would then just drop one feed/expressing per week. I wouldn't go any faster than that, or you risk mastitis, which isn't fun.

You may end up with more milk per expressing session but essentially your supply will slowly wind down and you can increase the formula feeds to take its place.

At the same time, I imagine your LO will be starting to eat more and more solids, so you may find they naturally drop a milk feed or two, meaning you won't need much formula at first anyway.

Which feed you drop first depends on your personal priorities. You normally get most milk in the early hours and this is a good time for stimulating hormones etc, but it's also the biggest PITA. So if getting back to normal is your priority, I would probably drop a night pump first.

Keep a close eye for any hot red spots or pain, but if you go slowly all should be ok.

Good luck!

^^ sorry, not sure that made sense, I meant drop one daily pump each week. Eg week 1 drop the 2am pump, week 2 drop the 10pm pump etc etc.

Crikey you've done so well. No one should be making you feel otherwise. It's not like you haven't tried! Do the best thing for you and your baby. I've been there with pnd and breastfeeding to my own detriment. I look back on photos of that time with sadness at what I put myself through and despair at what it turned me into. Go easy on yourself!

Unless they are medically qualified - ignore!

You sound like you have had enough and that's ok. I exclusively pumped so know how fucking draining and tedious it is.

You make the decision. Your baby has had a fantastic start and if you call it a day - that's ok!

I believe breast is best but to a point. You already have PND and are starting to have physical issues - the headaches. Sleep deprivation is no joke.

I'very breastfed four children and I think you are absolutely incredible to have exclusively expressed for so long.
In your shoes I would wind it down. If you can manage to give one feed of breastmilk a day, say at bedtime, then fantastic. If not then don't beat yourself up.

And I would feed back to the infant feeding coordinator (or via the health visitors) the experience you had with the peer supporter. I'm a peer supporter and she sounds like she needs further training!