To think breastmilk is not more important than the mother's wellbeing?

[Throughautomaticdoors]

I have expressed for dd exclusively for 27 weeks. It has been horrific but ultimately my choice. It's left me extremely tired and run down as I'm expressing 7 times a day, twice in the night, plus dd is also awake in the night so I'm getting maybe two hours sleep in any one block. I have pnd and also I'm taking painkiller every day as I've started getting awful headaches, I think because I'm so tired. I have an older dc too.

I saw my hv who said that whilst she wasn't allowed to tell me to stop she did think I should seriously consider winding it down and said she would ask infant feeding to speak to me about a plan of how to stop or reduce the expressing.

Infant feeding rang me yesterday and frankly they are ridiculous. The lady I spoke to (who I've encountered before and last time advised me to express every two hours) told me that six months breast milk is a minimum and actually it's better to carry on for two years to get any real benefit. I told her I had pnd and how basically the last six months had been dreadful, how tired I was and how I can't go anywhere because I have to be home to express and she suggested that I go five hours in the day but express more in the night. She said not to introduce formula as it's not suitable for babies digestive systems?! This woman isn't medically qualified by the way, she is a 'normal mum' who breastfed her four children. She told me breastmilk halves the length of any illness they might get and used that aggregating phrase 'liquid gold.'

Aibu to think at some point the health of the mother has to matter more than the supposed benefits of breast milk. I'm quite annoyed about it.

The WHO recommends two years because it's global and includes women in developing countries where there isn't easy access to clean water, sterilising equipment and decent formula.

She also told me - when I first came home from hospital - that she can spot formula fed babies a mile off as they are different to breast fed babies and their systems are slower.

Bollocks. Absolute bollocks.

I have no idea what a 'slow system' is for a start, but there is absolutely no visible difference in formula and breast fed babies. Does she mean that one poos more than the other?

Be kind to yourself and stop. You've done really well but your children need a fit, happy, healthy mum.

Is your baby starting solids too? There's much better advice out there. Ring the NCT, they'll help.

Please think of you, happy mum, happy children. I couldn't breastfeed either of mine for various reasons and they are fine, in fact my daughter is the healthiest child I know at 11, and she had zero breast milk, she is also bright, and funny as is my son, years later you'll look back and think it wasn't worth worrying about. I'm pregnant with my third and will try expressing but if it doesn't work, it doesn't work, having had severe pnd, your mental health is invaluable.

That lady from infant feeding is being ridiculous. She really doesn't seem to know what she is talking about of course you can't tell the difference between formula and breast fed babies.
I'm pro breast feeding but a Mothers health and wellbeing is important.
You have done really well to express for so long. Just ignore this woman's advice and wind it down now your baby will be fine.
I would also report her to the head of infant feeding as she isn't being helpful or giving correct advice

You sound like you are happy to make a complaint, OP. I hope you do, as this kind of experience does nobody any favours.

Please do complain, for the next person in your situation if nothing else. Here is an officially checked link on the benefits of breastfeeding for different time spans, just to give you a pat on the back for all you've given her already:
community.babycenter.com/post/a21217711/breastfeeding_benefits_in_a_timeline_broken_down...

You've done great! I exclusively expressed for 5 months and then wound it down introducing formula less expressed milk each week.
That is one of my great achievements in life because it was so hard, I liken it to running a marathon or climbing a mountain, both physically and mentally draining. Well done to you!

I'm all for breastfeeding but honestly I think you should stop. You've done so well and given your baby the best start but you've got to live your life and enjoy your baby.

I always thought the best thing about breast feeding, apart from benefits for baby, was that it was so easy. No sterilising equipment, no mixing feeds, no worrying if you will be caught without any formula. I fed for up to 3 years and slept with baby who would feed through the night.

Expressing and being exhausted by being up in the night doesn't sound healthy.

Baby needs a happy healthy mum so look after yourself.

I'm on my third DC and breastfeeding works for me it's a struggle to express so it's easier for me to put him on the breast. He is almost 3 months. If anyone looks after him for the day I have to express a day and half before. So I can imagine your constantly expressing. The woman is talking nonsense I mix feed and he will have either tbh doesn't affect him. Sometimes he requires the top up as he is a very Hungary baby. As for 2 years feeding. I don't think it's necessary to feed them that long especially when their diet doesn't require it and they are eating pretty much everything we eat. Your not a failure don't let anyone make you feel that way. I mix fed with two of my DC and they were perfectly fine.

Just as an aside when I had my first, over 40 years ago, I never heard of anyone expressing more than for a night out. When I had another baby 25 years ago I knew one mum who was expressing exclusively, I had never heard of it. Now lots of mums seem to do it, is there any reason this is much more common?

There seems to be a lot of mis-information about breast feeding. I read one wall poster, in the hospital no less, that said I wouldn't get breast cancer if I breast fed my baby!
Sure breastfeeding provides the right nutrients, no need for sterilising, etc, but honestly some of the scare mongering is simply ridiculous.
My nct friend who gave up bf at 2weeks, still looks guilty when any one mentions infant feeding.
I bf my first for 14months only because he was a bottle refuser. I was desperate to stop by 6months.

more. Have the lot!
You are an absolute hero for expressing that long. But it's time to give yourself a break. The woman you spoke to us talking utter bollocks. In fact only someone who had a easy time breastfeeding could consider saying that (and the majority of people in that situation still wouldn't).

I mix fed my first-latched then breast milk&formula top up then expressing for the next feed day and night. I lasted about 4 months like that. Like you developed pnd that took me a long time to recover from. Looking back I shouldn't have carried on as long as a did but again like you no one I ever spoke to suggested that maybe my health was important too. So this is another poster, mother and doctor saying you've done well. you are allowed to stop.

Definitely stop if it's affecting your own well being. I bf all of my children but for different lengths of time. The bond I have with them is the same regardless and they are all healthy and happy. Happy mum definitely=happy baby!

Painted I don't know, but maybe the dude in expressing is because there's so much more pressure to breastfeed than there used to be?
Neither my DS or my DD could latch on - and yes we tried everything, from getting tongue tie snipped, to lactation consultants, to trying to latch to other breastfeeding mothers. Nothing worked. We really were the tiny percentage who couldn't breastfeed.

So I exclusively expressed instead because I felt under so much pressure to bf, and thought it was the be all and end all. I don't know if women in the 70s and 80s would have been under that same pressure, so would've just gone straight for formula?

My mum tells me that "exclusive" bf wasn't such a big deal in the 80s either. She bf 3 children with no problems and just gave formula if she was going out or wasn't around to feed for some reason. She reckons there wasn't the obsession with not giving formula at all, that there is now.

" I read one wall poster, in the hospital no less, that said I wouldn't get breast cancer if I breast fed my baby! " Are you sure it didn't say you are less likely to get breast cancer if you breast feed? Because that's actually true....

As much as I believe in the whole 'breast is best' ethos, I believe you have quite done enough and your infant feeding team have let you down by being so harsh with you. Stop if you feel you have had enough. You've done brilliantly :)

You are absolutely not being unreasonable.

I'm part of the infant feeding team within a health visiting service and if I'd rang you you would have been given massive congratulations for getting this far exclusively expressing, it's not easy and you should be so proud of yourself. The advice you've been given is shocking and you should report it to your health visitor because it's not good enough. I'm overjoyed if mums just give the first feed via breast and nothing else so you have done brilliantly. If it's time for you to stop that's fine. If given a choice between breast milk and mums health and wellbeing I'll always pick mum, you need to be well to look after your baby.

In terms of expressing start dropping a pumping session every few days and hand express if you feel full but only enough to make yourself comfortable.

I hope you're feeling better soon.

All answers based on my own experiences of having 2 kids

told me that six months breast milk is a minimum
Says whom? Is this written down in law anywhere? ask that cow woman to show you the written source.

she suggested that I go five hours in the day but express more in the night
Fuck that. So when does this woman think you will actually be doing any sleeping then?

She said not to introduce formula as it's not suitable for babies digestive systems?!
Really? My ff child is now 6 years old, on the gifted and talented programme at her school, and going by the amounts of dinner she can put away has absolutely nothing wrong with her digestive system whatsoever.

She told me breastmilk halves the length of any illness they might get
Can she prove this? Again, a written source is needed. FWIW its my breastfed one that has multiple food allergies, and at the last count had EIGHTEEN different foods they cannot have. And a set of epipens for milk allergy on top of my bookcase. Take a guess which one has been in and out of hospital then with various illnesses?

and used that aggregating phrase 'liquid gold.'
If liquid gold was a panacea my wedding ring would be getting it.

Yes, the health of the person with the breasts matters more than anything else IMO, and families should be supported to make the feeding choice thats right for them, not blindsided into breastfeeding regardless.

OP, ignore any bollocks that your health visitor or 'infant feeding' are spouting and make the choice thats best for you.

With my first I had a 'choice' about feeding. Carry on feeding my child whilst taking drugs that a) do pass through milk and b) have been implicated in neonatal deaths or b) pack it in, give formula and take the drugs that I NEEDED to enable me to function on a daily basis.

i did what you are doing for 9 months with my son. i think that was probably 8 months longer than was reasonable for my sanity. I almost went completely crazy in this need i had to 'give him the best'. all i gave him was a mother who was going out of her mind with tiredness (I also had a dd who was 16 months older).

If it helps when i decided to stop i first of all went a min of 4 hours between pumping sessions and only took what i needed to to not feel sore. i then gleefully gave all nightfeed duties to ds's dad for a week or and slept in another room so i only woke at night if i desperately needed to pump. it took about 3 weeks to reduce it to just morning and before bed pumping sessions. which i then did for about another month. dropped the night one and just did a morning session for a bit longer.

"She reckons there wasn't the obsession with not giving formula at all"

About 10x the amount of infant formula is sold in the UK now as was sold in the 1970's, only 1% of babies never have formula and the vast majority of breastfeeding mums with babies over 6 weeks are mixed feeding. There really isn't a problem in the UK of not enough bottle feeding.

In the 1970's most health professionals knew fuck all about breastmilk and breastfeeding and women's choices, beliefs and expectations of feeding reflected that.

What's missing from of of this analysis is any knowledge of what exactly the OP said to the adviser and what questions she asked.

That woman is a loon, and I speak as someone who is currently breastfeeding a 3 year old.

You have done amazingly to exclusively express for that long, congratulations.