To think breastmilk is not more important than the mother's wellbeing?

[Throughautomaticdoors]

I have expressed for dd exclusively for 27 weeks. It has been horrific but ultimately my choice. It's left me extremely tired and run down as I'm expressing 7 times a day, twice in the night, plus dd is also awake in the night so I'm getting maybe two hours sleep in any one block. I have pnd and also I'm taking painkiller every day as I've started getting awful headaches, I think because I'm so tired. I have an older dc too.

I saw my hv who said that whilst she wasn't allowed to tell me to stop she did think I should seriously consider winding it down and said she would ask infant feeding to speak to me about a plan of how to stop or reduce the expressing.

Infant feeding rang me yesterday and frankly they are ridiculous. The lady I spoke to (who I've encountered before and last time advised me to express every two hours) told me that six months breast milk is a minimum and actually it's better to carry on for two years to get any real benefit. I told her I had pnd and how basically the last six months had been dreadful, how tired I was and how I can't go anywhere because I have to be home to express and she suggested that I go five hours in the day but express more in the night. She said not to introduce formula as it's not suitable for babies digestive systems?! This woman isn't medically qualified by the way, she is a 'normal mum' who breastfed her four children. She told me breastmilk halves the length of any illness they might get and used that aggregating phrase 'liquid gold.'

Aibu to think at some point the health of the mother has to matter more than the supposed benefits of breast milk. I'm quite annoyed about it.

More odd advice. Baby won't just "adapt to how much milk there is". (What, they will just magically live off air??) It sounds like she is talking about the thing where your breasts will adapt to make as much milk as is needed if you've been breastfeeding and go back to work at 9-10 months.

If you reduce pumping sessions it's not the case that you'll get more out at each session - you'll just make less milk overall. It's likely your pumping output at each session will remain the same. It would be a good idea to reduce gradually, you might also find that as you reduce pumping sessions you get less out each time until it's hard to get anything out at all, but this might be okay and allow a smoother transition to formula. Of course you'll be feeding solids alongside at this point too, so it might (possibly) work out that you can continue to pump enough for what your baby needs alongside but it is likely you will need to add some formula feeds as well.

(You might get more in depth info if you post your question in infant feeding here - might be an idea to separate it from the justified outrage.)

Aha! I thought I'd read something recently about increasing time between pumping sessions and cutting out night pumping. It is on this page. Might be useful to you.

kellymom.com/mother2mother/exclusive-pumping/

OP, I'm completely with you. I bf dc1 for a week, and dc2 for 3. I hated every minute. Stopping was the best thing I ever did for my physical and mental health and my children. 27 weeks expressing is some commitment!!! But now, give yourself a break.

In our area the Infant Feeding Team are part of the maternity staff, do complain - they gave ridiculous information.

Wow. You are superwoman! Has this idiot given you 'advise' previously which has caused you to feel you needed to put yourself through this? BF advisors should encourage and support NOT bully and guilt trip. BF does not have to be all or nothing and finding the right place on the scale for you is up to you no one else. Formula is not the enemy, it's there to help and supplement/replace breastmilk so that you get the right balance for you and your baby both nutritionally for them and physically/mentally for you. Start winding down the BF now!

YANBU. Exclusively breastfeeding my baby triggered severe PND for me. Serious sleep deprivation is no joke and it ruined the first year of my baby's life for me.

That's what I wanted to know Bertie... Whether I'd have to start introducing formula immediately when I reduced number of expresses

Yes I know - I can't believe that's what she meant but her advice seemed all over the place to be honest. Some of it was if you are actually properly feeding because she was saying the baby stimulates the breast to know how much milk to produce and I had to keep saying 'I'm expressing exclusively, the baby isn't feeding directly at all.' And then I was trying to ask her about the supply and that's when she said the baby would 'adapt' to the amount I gave her which seems insane? So maybe that's not what she meant... By that point I just wanted her to off the phone!

I'm still breastfeeding my almost 2 year old and I'm pregnant now, so I'm very pro breastfeeding, but expressing is torture and can fuck right off. I stopped expressing when she was 6 months and not as reliant on milk anymore. No fucking way I would have carried on for two years. Bollocks to that. You have my permission to stop too, OP, if we are keeping a tally.

Yanbu.

Breastfeeding, once it clicks, can be easy and lovely. Expressing is just a slog.

I BF for 13 months - not through choice, DS was a bottle refuser. I was desperate to stop. Agree with a pp that once he was at nursery he got everything going - including scarlet fever and chicken pox, both TWICE. The only thing he hasn't had is tummy upsets (yet) and I think that is mostly down to the fact that both DH and I seem to have cast iron constitutions.

Stop, stop, stop. Formula is entirely suitable for babies, they wouldn't sell it otherwise.

I'm a big BF advocate but seriously? STEP AWAY FROM THE BREASTPUMP!!!!
Go and buy formula, give said formula. Get some sleep. Watch your baby not turn into a monster or whatever just because you gave him formula. Watch him thrive and enjoy him as you feel better.
It's about what's best for the whole family, not just baby! Xxx

Mix feed and knock the night time expressing on the head. That infant feeding advice is rediculous. Btw you will have to wean down slowly from the pump no matter what or you will get mastitis so take really good care of yourself. Fwiw I agree that the mother's health absolutely matters too.

Your amazing expressing for so long!

My dd is 17 months now and I still bf. BUT I was fortunate enough that I've found it quite easy. My dd still got ill, she had some horrible colds and ear infections over winter when she started nursery. Children get ill whether ff or bf. By giving your dd breast milk for so long I'm sure her digestive system is well prepared for formula. Why not introduce it as part of weaning as a new taste?

You shouldn't feed bad at all for stopping at this point but instead be proud that you expressed breast milk for the first six months of your daughter's life. With anothee child!

If you ring the NCT line and state that you need a plan for reducing expressing, they will help. I'm sorry whoever you spoke to appeared not to understand. I'm struggling to understand what she thought she was doing.

Also, I meant to say that I had some fantastic HCPs and breastfeeding support and advice. But I also had one experience with an NCT breastfeeding counselling that left me reeling and makes me really sad and angry now. Like anything, you may find someone who is just a bit less talented at their job than someone else. Don't be disheartened. Do what you want xxx

Largely concur with sensible ones posting. I'm very pro BF'ing but Jesus wept, you've done amazingly well and if you need/want to stop, it's your choice and ultimately your wellbeing. Pay no attention to absolutely anyone else, feeding a baby is demanding and expressing is even harder. Be kind to yourself and give baby a bottle of whatever milk you choose. Best of luck for when you get the chance

It amazes me how many women receive duff advise from HVs, MWs, etc. I was told by my HV to stop over-breastfeeding my 6lb 6oz newborn (a 9th centile baby) because I was overfeeding him so much that he was being sick. He had reflux.
OP you've done brilliantly. Stop expressing, you don't need permission. Your mental wellbeing is every bit as important as your child's nutrition, and you can meet their nutritional needs in other ways. Are you getting help with the PND?

I expressed for 6 weeks. I had a prem baby unable to latch. It wasn't exclusive as I wasn't producing enough. I was getting 2 hours sleep a day as he was feeding every 3 hours and in between feeds I was pumping, sterilising etc. My hv told me to stop because of howtired and stressed I was becoming. I was so much happier afterwards.

I exclusively expressed for 5.5 months. It very nearly sent me over the edge. It's the worst of both worlds.

I'm due my second and have promised my husband I won't do that again if breastfeeding doesn't work.

I've had all sorts of 'helpful' comments...basically suggesting I could have kept bf I was just less committed then they were

In reality it's the most difficult thing I've done. When I went onto formula my life change for the better and my realitionship with my son which had been fear and neurosis based (got to express or I'll be a terrible mother) became much more playful and fun.

I'm angry on your behalf. I was lucky a la leche consultant and my health visitor both said, it's okay to give up. That helped me a lot!

Stop expressing!
It really has all the disadvantages of both feeding systems, you are a hero to have lasted so long.
Ds1 was exclusively breast fed, DS2 I had to express for as he would just latch onto the breast and fall asleep within 20 seconds, would only stay awake when feeding from a bottle! My DTs were initially breastfed then mixed fed as breastfeeding both large babies, was like I was having the very life blood sucked out of me, so they were half and half, then at 10 weeks I gave up completely.
They are all very healthy individuals and in fact the DT's caught chicken pox when they were being exclusively breast fed, so your advisors argument does not hold up.
No one could look at any of my sons and say they could see which of them was exclusively breast fed, its nonsense.
Just make the switch slowly, and be mindful of the fact that some babies will suffer a little with constipation when they are switching from breast milk to formula.
Good luck

I bf my older son for a month before having a mini-breakdown one night. He had reflux and liked to vomit the 'liquid gold' all over me.

Funny, my exclusively bottlefed daughter has an iron constitution, DS1 constantly got random bugs.

The most important bit of breastmilk is the colostrum which contains antibodies. If a baby just has this, then moves onto formula, they get most of the benefit.
To say you have to bf for two years to start seeing the benefits is a load of absolute twaddle.
You have done brilliantly. Stop whenever you want.

Don't go cold turkey on the expressing! Not because of your baby, but because of your boobs - the last thing you need on top is mastitis!

Definitely start by dropping the night pumping - I believe that breastmilk production dips overnight anyhow. Then I'd pump in the morning for relief, and then just slowly tail it off.

I would probably introduce some formula asap so that if for whatever reason your baby doesn't take to it you don't have to re-ramp up the expressing.

Sure, WHO recommends BFing for 2 years, but DS2 weaned himself at 8 months, and it's not like I could force him, so it's only a recommendation, not a requirement for goodness sake!

BTW, I am in awe. Expressing is such hard work (and then you still need to feed the baby after!), 7 times a day for 27 weeks - be in no doubt you have gone above and beyond there!

My DD also caught chicken pox at 4 months while exclusively bf. Breast milk isn't magic defense against viruses!

I am not an expert on pumping but I would have thought it should be fairly clear, when you reduce the pumping, you should be able to just measure how much milk you actually have available to feed and add formula to make up the loss if that makes sense? I'd' definitely cut down slowly if you can as you do not want to end up with mastitis but that can be one pumping session every few days or you can just increase the time between sessions each day.