To think breastmilk is not more important than the mother's wellbeing?

[Throughautomaticdoors]

I have expressed for dd exclusively for 27 weeks. It has been horrific but ultimately my choice. It's left me extremely tired and run down as I'm expressing 7 times a day, twice in the night, plus dd is also awake in the night so I'm getting maybe two hours sleep in any one block. I have pnd and also I'm taking painkiller every day as I've started getting awful headaches, I think because I'm so tired. I have an older dc too.

I saw my hv who said that whilst she wasn't allowed to tell me to stop she did think I should seriously consider winding it down and said she would ask infant feeding to speak to me about a plan of how to stop or reduce the expressing.

Infant feeding rang me yesterday and frankly they are ridiculous. The lady I spoke to (who I've encountered before and last time advised me to express every two hours) told me that six months breast milk is a minimum and actually it's better to carry on for two years to get any real benefit. I told her I had pnd and how basically the last six months had been dreadful, how tired I was and how I can't go anywhere because I have to be home to express and she suggested that I go five hours in the day but express more in the night. She said not to introduce formula as it's not suitable for babies digestive systems?! This woman isn't medically qualified by the way, she is a 'normal mum' who breastfed her four children. She told me breastmilk halves the length of any illness they might get and used that aggregating phrase 'liquid gold.'

Aibu to think at some point the health of the mother has to matter more than the supposed benefits of breast milk. I'm quite annoyed about it.

I have a bouncing beautiful mixed fed boy. He has had formula since birth and is happy and healthy and never gets ill. Your DC will be fine, and your health and happiness is just as important. As a child I was FF from birth and now have a PhD and am very happy so I reckon it's ok!

Sorry. I'm not sure if that was clear . An " advisor " who suggests that you go on for two years clearly doesn't understand the realities and limitations of expressing . Her advice isn't really relevant for your situation so please don't get upset about what she said .

You have done the best you can . Everyone has to make the choices that are right for them and you've done the best you could for your baby .

Remember not to stop suddenly but just cut down your expressing little by little and up the amount of formula .

27 weeks exclusive expressing? wow op. Only 1% of babies get exclusive breastmilk until that time.

Another one voting stop, your sanity and wellbeing completely trumps anything else and it sounds like you've gone above and beyond to get this far. As long as your baby's fed, that's the only important thing! Crack open the formula and enjoy time with your baby :)

I bf dd1 to 8 months and dd2 had tongue tie so we made it for a couple of weeks then l had to express. I was doing it every 2 hours from 6am to 8pm then twice over night.

I did it until dd2 was 12 weeks and was bloody proud of that effort! You've gone above and beyond, you can safely introduce formula now!

And that woman sounds like a total arsehole quite frankly.

Stop
Stop
Stop

I kept going with both DDs until 6 months, despite the agony. In retrospect I have no idea why I did it, it made me a more stressed and unhappy parent.

My sister couldn't breastfeed either of her two children. They are now teens and have never had an antibiotic in their lives, despite being deprived of 'liquid gold'. So ignore the rubbish advice you are being given.

Big supporter of bf and did it for a long time with both dcs. You have done an amazing job and your DC absolutely will have benefitted from this. By 6 months BF got so much easier for me both times - I suspect this is not the same with expressing. I think you should stop.

Definitely stop. You've done so well to do what you have been doing for this long so there should be no guilt or bad feelings on your part for stopping. Formula is not harmful for babies so now time to put yourself first

two words.

fuck that.

you have done amazingly. fir the love of god stop worrying about a lunatic on the phone and start looking after yourself. if that means formula then bloody do it.

trust me, wheb they start locking shows eating pet food and drinking out your rabbits water bottles, you will slap yourself mentally fir worrying about where the milk cane from.

you can stop now. it's ok

I'm as pro breastfeeding as they come but that woman's advice is wrong, and frankly dangerous. If you health visitor is recommending this 'infant feeding' organisation then there needs to be a complaint made.

licking shoes

guess who's not had coffee yet

Congratulations for expressing so long. I expressed for DS1 until weaning was underway (till he was about 7 months) after BF didn't work out, and it's very hard work, even without an older DC to care for. DS2 is still BF at 2.5 yrs.

This infant feeding lady's advice sounds bad. The breastmilk to 6 months minimum then up to 2yrs thing is advisory and really, is aimed more at mothers who are breastfeeding rather than expressing. And if expressing is at the expense of the mother's wellbeing, as it seems to be here, the benefits to you and your family of switching to formula are going to outweigh any benefit of the breastmilk.

Seriously, in your position, I'd be stopping expressing now. Formula is not going to harm your baby, and it's nonsense to say it will harm her digestive system, especially when she's 27 weeks old, so presumably about old enough to start weaning anyway.

I'm not an expert - maybe post on the infant feeding section for more advice about the best way of stopping - but in practical terms, I'd drop expressing gradually so your supply gradually drops in case giving up overnight causes you problems. So you express 7 times a day now, start by expressing 6 times a day tomorrow, give your supply a few days to adjust, then drop down to expressing 5 times a day and so on. I'd drop the overnight expressing first, to try and improve your sleep.

OP I have been there. I struggled to breastfeed Dd and expressed when I was ready to stop there was no support. It was the opposite. I felt judged as a bad parent.

I couldn't breastfeed ds at all because I have had a major operation on my breasts. No milk came through and I was still given no support. Ds had some feeding issues and my HV told me she wasn't allowed to give advice on formula feeding. Even though I had no option. As she was leaving though she told me 'off the record' to try switching formula and the name of the brand the other mothers she sees have tried. She couldn't recommend it, but gave an opinion on her experience. How is it ok to tell HC they can't help mothers if they are formula feeding?

I feel for you. Don't listen to her and make a complaint. I do believe a mothers well being should come before the benefits of breastfeeding. Unfortunately a lot of the people who are meant to be there as support are failing dismally.

Of course it isnt. Your health and wellbeing is far more important. Happy mum means happy baby. You done amazingly well to continue so long. Report her as she shouldnt be saying that! 💐

Please stop - you mental health is equally important as your baby being breastfed.

You have done an AMAZING job of expressing for so long. It's not easy and I know lots of couldn't manage it for a long term prospect.

If you want start to mix feed, swap a bottle for some formula, reduce the feeds - am assuming baby is about to start on solids/is already on some - I know with my little one the feeds dropped off once she got the idea of food!

If you want (and I mean YOU REALLY WANT) to still give her some breastmilk decide which feeds a day you want to do and work out when is best for YOU to express for these.

To be clear I BF my little girl till she was 13 months, I had no issues so it wasn't a problem, I know I was very lucky and had it easy. I am pro BF but only to the point of its what I wanted to do and I couldn't give a monkeys what anyone else choose to do - I refuse to comment unless to offer advice asked for!

I would go back to your HV and say you are unimpressed with the 'support' offered by 'Infant Feeding' and you won't be talking to them again. I agree with others - this peer supporter needs to be reported as she could be doing so much more damage than good.

Any HV who tells you they aren't allowed to give you information about how to ff safely is talking nonsense. If a baby isn't receiving breastmilk for WHATEVER reason, the parents need to give a suitable alternative in the safest way.

:IF: you want to express a little once a day at a time you are free and feel like it your child will get most of the benefits from just a tiny amount. The paed that told me this said that if you gave just a tablespoon or two that many of the benefits of breastmilk are concentrated when you produce a small amount.

IF even this is too much and you don't want to do this and just be done then don't. Stop and breathe and enjoy your kids you have given DD an amazing start.

YANBU, the woman is ridiculous and completely irresponsible. There is no such thing as a 'minimum time' to BF. Thankfully, due to wonderful clean safe lifesaving invention that is modern formula, there is no such thing as a needY to BF at all.

I would make a complaint. You had made your decision and you were referred for advice on how to wind it down, not to be lectured about why you should carry on.

I think it's fine to support and encourage a mother to BF until their child takes its flipping driving test if she is happy with it, but when a woman says she has pnd, exhaustion, stress, unhappiness or extreme pain and says she wants to stop then NO-ONE should be trying to talk her out of it, whether the child is 2 weeks old or 2 years old.

If the hv believes you need help to stop and is concerned about your mh why the chuff can't she help you? She's a nurse andvis supposed to know about infant feeding and supporting families.

Aww OP I do hope you're okay. My son was premature and wouldn't take to breastfeeding at all so I expressed, but he was in a hospital 2 1/2 hrs from where I lived. Some nights we could stay over in a room at the hospital but most nights we couldn't. With all the travel (and not getting any sleep at the hospital) I was exhausted, not to mention the stress of having a baby in SCBU and not being able to bring him home.

One night I didn't get up in the night to express as I slept through the alarm I was so tired and when I got to the hospital they 'told me off', I felt like shit, like the worst mum in the world but after 2 weeks of it I stopped. I simply couldn't go on. I have bipolar disorder too so I was terrified the lack os sleep, stress and being 'told off' etc was really going to tip me over the edge. I'm now so glad I stopped when I did because it helped me to cope - and sadly for the first few months that's all I was doing, I was just about getting by. My son is now 5yrs and he's happy and healthy.

Alexander Pope said it best "A little learning is a dangerous thing; drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring: there shallow draughts intoxicate the brain, and drinking largely sobers us again."

The infant feeding woman pretty much exemplifies this statement. She knows a little bit about child nutrition, but no where near enough, and is willing to harm mothers and babies with her pseudo-science.

Drop the pump and run to the nearest store and buy some formula. :)

I'm glad you are thinking clearly enough despite sleep deprivation, PND and headaches, to see this woman is talking nonsense!

Stopping is easy though. Replace one feed with formula, allow supply to settle and the drop another feed (and the associated expressing!). Repeat until you are at the level of breastfeeding (or expressing) that you want to be at, be that none at all or just a couple of feeds per day.

I breastfed my 3 for longer than average but the main factor for me was the ease - provided I'd remembered to take my breasts out with me, they had food/drink! I admire anyone who is committed enough to exclusively express for any length of time at all.

Omg OP. Please don't torture yourself any more. Give that lovely baby some formula. I work in nnu and regularly see mums on their knees from expressing 8 times a day.
I ask them if they are happy to do it, some are and plough on, which is fine.
But you can see the relief in a mums face when I say that if they want to bottle feed then that's what they should do. They somehow need 'permission' to stop breastfeeding.
I think it's expected of them and drummed into them so they just continue out of guilt which is so wrong.
Fwiw one of my DC didn't get a sniff of boob or breastmilk and she's always been the healthiest and brightest of the 4.
Be kind to yourself. Do what makes you happy.