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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed OH woke me both mornings

86 replies

Andrewsgirl · 27/06/2016 21:26

This weekend we had no children (both divorced so don't have the children every weekend) , been very stressful week, I'm exhausted and both mornings my OH has got up early (fine that's up to him) but both mornings he's come in and woken me from a very deep sleep around 8am. Both mornings I didn't say anything but was actually quite annoyed. He knows I'm exhausted, I would never ever wake him if he was fast asleep. I was so tired I fell asleep upright in a chair for two hours on Saturday afternoon. I've just mentioned it to him that I was annoyed he'd woken me both mornings and he thinks I'm being really unreasonable. I just know that if he was fast asleep and I knew he was tired I'd let him get as much sleep as he needed.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 27/06/2016 21:28

How can he possibly think he's reasonable for waking you up?! Did he deliberately wake you?

Fairylea · 27/06/2016 21:30

Of course he's unreasonable. If you didn't have to be anywhere and didn't have children with you then it's up to you when you get up!

fulltothebrimwithloveliness · 27/06/2016 21:32

Why does he think you're being unreasonable? Did you have somewhere you needed to be at 8.30am both mornings or something incredibly urgent needed doing that only you could do, that couldn't wait another couple of hours?

You are definitely not being unreasonable, he is. He should have apologised and certainly not done it two mornings in a row.

Cutecat78 · 27/06/2016 21:33

I would have killed him!!

LadyStarkOfWinterfell · 27/06/2016 21:34

Wow, what a prick

Cubtrouble · 27/06/2016 21:36

Wow 8am that's a lie in when you have to get up at 5am for work.

Original poster
Andrewsgirl · 27/06/2016 21:37

No we didn't have to be anywhere, we had a whole weekend with not a single thing planned. I'd already spoken to him before the weekend and said we both needed a weekend of rest as I was exhausted and I knew he was too. He came in both mornings (with a cup of tea) and woke me up. I think because he came with a cup of tea in his mind it's all ok. I feel like I'm losing the plot, he makes me feel so unreasonable and like I'm a total b*tch for being annoyed about this.

OP posts:
LadyStarkOfWinterfell · 27/06/2016 21:38

What was his reason? He must have had one. Or he was just being a controlling prick for the sake of it.

CurbsideProphet · 27/06/2016 21:42

I went out at 8am Saturday and crept about, as my DP was shattered and needed a longer sleep. We never wake each other up, unless we're going out and need to get a wriggle on. It sounds like he didn't want you to have a lie in, because he didn't have one? That's just mean.

Original poster
Andrewsgirl · 27/06/2016 21:42

He had no reason either day. I've said to him this evening I thought it showed a lack of respect to come in and wake me up both mornings and he was almost outraged, he said back to me what I'd said in total disbelief that I could feel like that.

OP posts:
KittyLaRoux · 27/06/2016 21:44

Dead celebrity and snow.

The only two reasons DP can wake me up early on my day off.

I rarely sleep last 7am any day but occasionally wine can be a factor I do sleep past 7am and if I am then it means I am knackered leave me alone Smile

Original poster
Andrewsgirl · 27/06/2016 21:45

I'm beginning to think the same thing, he has a lot of problems sleeping and it almost felt like he was angry that I was managing to sleep when he hadn't been able to ! But that is such an awful thing to think of someone. But to me it shows such a lack of respect I just don't know what to think. I feel like I'm crazy for even bringing it up with him. If he'd left me I would have without doubt slept for another couple of hours I was that tired.

OP posts:
LadyStarkOfWinterfell · 27/06/2016 21:45

So just controlling then.
Is he controlling at other times?

NapQueen · 27/06/2016 21:46

Totally unacceptable.

I can roll back over and go to sleep but I know lots of people cannot. He is a bit of a prick in that regard. I can't say overall though as all I know is this.

Original poster
Andrewsgirl · 27/06/2016 21:47

I think he is at times, he says he's not. I'm very sensitive having been in an emotional abusive / controlling marriage before. I sometimes don't know what is really controlling behaviour and what is my fear of controlling behaviour.

OP posts:
LadyStarkOfWinterfell · 27/06/2016 21:48

Give us an example..
The waking up is very controlling by the way. There was no need to do it, but he wanted to exert power over you.

EsmesBees · 27/06/2016 21:52

How come you didn't tell him that it wasn't on after he did it on the Saturday?

Original poster
Andrewsgirl · 27/06/2016 21:58

I did tell him on Saturday in a light hearted way that I was annoyed he'd woken me and he said he was lovely and missed me! I feel like he's slowly driving me to question my own sanity at times. We've both been through some very stressful times recently and I feel like i just make excuses for him. He really snapped at me at the weekend and this isn't unusual, I get very hurt by this and it then gets turned round that I'm the unreasonable one because he apologies and all should be forgotten but I'm finding myself distancing myself from him and questioning whether he really loves me if he treats me like this. But he keeps doing it, I'd never speak to him or my family or friends the way he speaks to me. When I raise it he makes me feel bad because I've made him feel like an arsehole. He was waxing his coat at the weekend and I was sat reading and he said to me that he was going to be there a very long time if I didn't get off my arse and help him. All he had to do was say, would you mind giving me a hand, this is taking longer than I expected and of course I would have helped him. I just feel like he doesn't treat me with the respect I want.

OP posts:
LadyStarkOfWinterfell · 27/06/2016 22:03

He doesn't sound very respectful. Does he make you happy? Really?

Hastalapasta · 27/06/2016 22:05

Are you able to take a few days to your self to rest?
The situation (from the little you have posted) sounds stressful.
Take care of you before making any decisions.

Original poster
Andrewsgirl · 27/06/2016 22:07

He can make me very happy, but there's this switch and there's a side to him I very much dislike.

OP posts:
marriednotdead · 27/06/2016 22:13

The side to him IS still him, he's showing you who he is.

He can make you happy when he chooses to, or not. He's deliberately deprived you of a basic need- sleep- for no good reason, and even after you have told him that he thinks he was right.
Don't hang around waiting for the good bits, they will become fewer and further between.
Been there, done that as have so many of us.

LadyStarkOfWinterfell · 27/06/2016 22:13

Tbh that has hallmarks of an emotionally abusive relationship. What work did you do on your boundaries following your previous abusive relationship?

iminshock · 27/06/2016 22:17

my DP is bloody lovely but is a springy morning person and I am not. I had to expressly spell it out to him NEVER to wake me up unless I had to go to work or something. It took a while for it to sink in( several tellings ) as he is a get up and don't waste the day person.
Spell it out to him! No need to LTB

iminshock · 27/06/2016 22:19

My DP shows NO hallmarks of an emotionally abusive relationship. Hope that helps

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