AIBU to be annoyed OH woke me both mornings

[Andrewsgirl]

This weekend we had no children (both divorced so don't have the children every weekend) , been very stressful week, I'm exhausted and both mornings my OH has got up early (fine that's up to him) but both mornings he's come in and woken me from a very deep sleep around 8am. Both mornings I didn't say anything but was actually quite annoyed. He knows I'm exhausted, I would never ever wake him if he was fast asleep. I was so tired I fell asleep upright in a chair for two hours on Saturday afternoon. I've just mentioned it to him that I was annoyed he'd woken me both mornings and he thinks I'm being really unreasonable. I just know that if he was fast asleep and I knew he was tired I'd let him get as much sleep as he needed.

I like to do a big shop at 8am on a Sunday morning. Nice and quiet.

Note the I like Why does it take two of you anyway? You do half of the chores when you want to and he does his when he wants to.

Does he think all of the things you do are strictly necessary? My Dh will move all the furniture everytime he hoovers. I don't! He would hoover everyday. I feel it needs it less frequently, therefore if he was getting me up early because I needed to hoover and move the furniture I would feel very resentful. Do you have different standards?

Back to the Op, if you make it clear you want a lie in then he is deliberately being disrespectful to ignore you. I'm not sure how assertive you are though so I'm not sure he got the message clearly. Make sure you give it to him through a fog horn ready for next time. You have big problems if he ignores you after you have spelled it out.

cocktail- not at all, I have no relationship issues. I am simply pointing out that there may be scenarios where waking someone early is justified.

Yes, but if you read OP's thread you'd see that she has no dc, they had nothing planned that weekend, there was no huge list of chores waiting to be done...

(And you're complaining about your dh: he does no laundry, has never cleaned the toilet or bath or shower. He has never changed any sheets or washed them ( we have 4 beds in the house) never hoovered upstairs, never cleaned the oven, never washed the floor. He doesn't know who his car is insured with nor who provides our gas and electric I'd have an issue if my dh was like that!)

Pearly your relationship sounds dreadful tbh

I did tell him on Saturday in a light hearted way

You need to spell it out loud and clear. Not just this issue, any issue you feel strongly about.

He does sound emotionally controlling and abusive tbh.

He really snapped at me at the weekend and this isn't unusual, I get very hurt by this and it then gets turned round that I'm the unreasonable one because he apologies and all should be forgotten but I'm finding myself distancing myself from him and questioning whether he really loves me if he treats me like this. But he keeps doing it, I'd never speak to him or my family or friends the way he speaks to me. When I raise it he makes me feel bad because I've made him feel like an arsehole. He was waxing his coat at the weekend and I was sat reading and he said to me that he was going to be there a very long time if I didn't get off my arse and help him. All he had to do was say, would you mind giving me a hand, this is taking longer than I expected and of course I would have helped him. I just feel like he doesn't treat me with the respect I want.

Get yourself over to relationships and post the above. It sounds awful.

Plenty supermarkets open at 8am on a Sunday morning- right here in the UK.

Pearly, are you under the impression that housework can only be done in the daytime? You do understand that hoovers and washing machines work as well at 10 pm as 10 am, right? You know there's no law specifying that housework must be done at a certain time of day? Tell your partner he's what tasks you've left for him as you did your half whilst he slept, and if he refuses to fo them for gods sake reassess your relationship.

If I was without the dc and didn't have to get up for work or an appointment or anything and a partner woke me before I was ready, I would tell them to go away and leave me to sleep. If they persisted I would tell them to fuck off. If they kept doing this, kept assuming that their preference as to when I slept and woke matured more than mine, I'd get rid of them. I had insomnia for years and anyone who fucks with my sleep unnecessarily more than once goes on the shit head list. Especially if they are one of those types who thinks you should be silent as the grave from 9pm because that's when they like to sleep, but it's fine and dandy for them to make the noise of an army from 6 am whether you're asleep or not. Selfish fuckers.

ladystark- I have a great relationship . Not sure how you can pass judgement over someone you have never met.

As for the poster who said making tea is not controlling, may I explain how this works: you wait until the person is awake before bringing them a cuppa. It's not hard.

My Dad used to do this to my Mum. It would be a once in a blue moon thing that she didn't have my db and I to look after and she'd tell him she was gonna have a lie in, he'd then wake her at 8am. He's say was being arsey if she said she needed sleep, he's say if she loved him she'd want to spend the morning with him. Fwiw, my mum did 100 per cent of housework and 100 per cent of caring for us while he did fuck all and criticised her at every opportunity. It's funny as well because most weekends he was in bed til lunchtime and my mum and us would tip toe around the house because waking him up would make him really angry and he'd shout at mum for not keeping us quiet. Family time meant nothing to him when his family were actually there. With my Dad it wasn't that he wanted to actually spend time with my Mum on a rare child free morning, it was that he could not bear to see my Mum doing anything that didn't involve her running around after him. He'd think a mum of two young dcs should always be having something to do, so if she was lying in, or having a cuppa and a read, or a chat on phone to family then she must be neglecting something else. Obv these rules didn't apply to himself though, he could go to pub all weekend or he could sit watching TV all night cos he's "working hard" earning money.

I'm not a morning person and dh is, he likes to be up, have stuff done and then chill and maybe nap on afternoon. For a long time it was ok because I was a good sleeper and getting up early wasn't a big deal, but the last six years I've developed some fucked up sleeping thing. I wake up every 30 mins and even those short bursts of sleep are weird because I'm still aware if that makes sense, and I'll often be sleepwalking or creeping dh by sitting/standing upright and staring at him while I'm asleep, and I don't get to that deep sleep bit til 6am and then I'm up again at 7am. Dh leaves me in bed on the weekend because he knows that it's the only time I can get more than an hour or two real sleep in one go, he'll get up and potter about the house doing laundry, take dd out, go do the food shop, catch up on his TV etc, and then when hears me getting up he will have a cuppa made (and sometimes a full English on the go) for me and we will do something together on the afternoon. He wouldn't dream of waking me cos he was lonely.

Pearly everyone commenting on your relationship is basing it on what you posted. You sound very resentful of your husband. But more to the point THIS ISN'T about YOU.

Aye and pearly - your oh are adults - providing they pull their weight (which admittedly in pearlys case sounds like he doesn't - but there could still be compromise there) it's up to them when they sleep/rise. Have you never heard of biorhythms/circadian rhythms?

Some people sleep later and rise later and vice versa

Op I agree posting in relationships would be good as there's clearly other stuff he's doing that's unacceptable.