Aibu re letter from religious brother?

[NayaDeles]

I hope I'm including all relevant details and no irrelevant details, while trying to avoid any dripfeeding.

My brother is a staunch Catholic. He wasn't raised deeply religious, he decided when he met his now wife that that way of life was what he wanted. They'll be married ten years this year and have seven children and are, as far as I know anyway, perfectly happy.

This morning I got a letter from him/them stating that soon enough some of the kids will getting to the stage where they will be asking questions like why their aunts and uncles are living with people that they're not married to. And that when the kids ask this they will tell them that it's wrong to live with someone you're not married to 'as it goes against the teachings of christ'. So if any of the kids are a bit 'off' around me next time I see them, this is why.

Aibu to be a bit, I don't know, put out or wrongfooted or something, by this? I don't want to go as far as offended but definitely feel a touch judged. I have another brother who is due to have his first child in about six weeks time with his girlfriend and I'm thinking about seeing if he's recieved the same letter and what he thinks if he has. Thinking about it, all of SILs siblings are from the same deeply Catholic background so I doubt anyone there is living in sin as it were. But there's a PS at the end of the letter that says the letter is being sent to 'everyone'. Btw, everything in quote marks are direct quotes from the letter.

Am I overreacting though? Maybe I'm reading too much into it. I'm not being asked to do anything really, I wasn't asked for an opinion or a reply. The letter was meant as a 'heads up' that the children might be 'a bit off' with me. Maybe I should try to see this as I should appreciate the warning. I don't know, what do you all think? What would you do, if anything? I mean I don't think I will do anything, there's nothing really to do. I haven't been asked to do anything. I guess I'm asking would you feel weird to recieve a letter like this from your brother?

"The church's teaching, as I was taught it, is that every instance of intercourse must always be open to the possibility of conception."

You mean people beyond the age of conception are not allowed to have sex?

Surely not.

So your brother is actively teaching their DC that you are a sinner and will burn in hell. Evil Bastard.

I would reply with a letter saying their children are not welcome in your house until they (adults and children) learn values of tolerance and respect for others.

Gwrit

The lefthanded thing more with other Catholic countries ime, but definitely a thing. Many were forced to write with the non dominant hand by tying left one to the chair and other means, justified by the left side being 'sinister'. Less common, but it does still happen, not in schools anymore, but it can still happen in the home, for example, using softer methods like only giving a treat if young child will take it with right hand and switching crayons and cutlery to their right hand till they 'get it' etc

Apart from other harm, it plays havoc with neurology and can cause stuttering. A famous (non Catholic) example of this is in the film 'The King's Speech', King George said he was lefthanded but it had been 'corrected'.

Off topic I know but does show how far religious dogma can get from Christ's teachings.

Teachings on fornication/adultery are more about identifying lust and non exclusive unions as something negative and dishonouring, rather than a law about sex before marriage from what I understand. They were never meant to be used to judge others

I have a brother who is a priest. We are completely different I had 3 children before I married dh and 1 after. He loves my kids and never ever would he preach to me. He knows I have different views and he accepts this. We support each other I am proud of him and he is a great support to his community. If your brother was to go to confession and tell him that this letter had been sent he wouldn't agree with your brother. He would tell him tolerance and love. X

P's I became pagan about 10 years ago (baptised in white springs) but I respect everyone's religion and my children have freedom of choice. My brother doesn't care he just loves us all x

He who is without sin cast the first stone

Catholic here, he doesn't have to say anything. He obviously has a problem you being unmarried, are you planning to marry...maybe insist he pays for the wedding

Your brother comes off as a deeply insecure person, both about his chosen religion and his position in his family.

A truly serious Catholic is how a poster upthread described her mother - devout, but quietly so. Your brother is being vain and pompous about his religion, two attitudes about which I think we can all agree Jesus probably took a pretty dim view of.

(Atheist Catholic, brought up by devout mother here.)

I am a mardy fucker but I would be sending a letter back telling them not to be coming to see me or expect help or presents from me anymore

Agree with this.

Imagine the money you would save - he has seven kids

What is it with these religious zealots ? Where do they come from ? And what right do they have in the first place ? They should all bugger off back to the Dark Ages (provided the Dark Ages will have them). They make me quite angry.

Good thinking blueturtle

We would never get married in a church so it probably wouldn't count anyway in his kids eyes.
Neither of our two are baptised, if I receive any similar communication regarding that I will take a much less laid back stance. Our son was offered a bedside baptism in the ICU and we politely declined. (As polite as parents can be when their one day old son is in the ICU being offered an emergency baptism.) Maybe that last bit isn't strictly relevant but I mean we're not opting out of baptising our children because we can't be bothered or anything, we consciously don't want it.

Your brother sounds a lot like my Dad. As a result most of my siblings are long since lapsed RCs.

"I don't think this is a face-value 'heads up'. Of course not. It's a right, royal passive-aggressive zinger, telling you, totally unprovoked, that he disapproves of your lifestyle. It's not enough for him that he lives his lifestyle, he is choosing pro-actively, nastily no less, to inform you of something you had no need to know. That's why it is so wrong-footing. He claims to be all calm and - just so's you know - but really he seems to have launched an unprovoked attack on you ... it is not kindly meant at all."

Totally agree with this poster from page one, and what is more, he is hiding behind his kids to share his own disapproval in a most cowardly way.

Not sure I would reply but if I did I wouldn't rise to it but would probably go with something brief like;

Dear Bro, is this your roundabout way of telling me that you are 'a bit off' with me. Sorry you feel that way. Love Sis

Take comfort from the fact that their father has identified you to his children as an object of endless fascination.

Yes, on the subject of religious tolerance - he once took a little Buddha statue from his mother's house saying she couldn't have that around, that's a false god.

I hope your mother told him to put it straight back if he didn't want to get reported to the police for theft?

there are a lot of outdated misconceptions about what devout catholics believe on this thread.

Yes, I was thinking that, plus unwarranted incredulity at the idea that many Catholics actually do follow things like fasting before communion and no meat on Fridays (in fact, many that I know do these things).

fasting before communion - that's only 1 hour. Its not exactly a hardship.
No meat on fridays is not uncommon either but again, its not difficult when there is all the vegetarian dishes and fishes dishes to be had.

I wasn't suggesting it was difficult - that was my point. PP included them in lists of things implying "Well, I bet he doesn't do this!" My point was that very many Catholics do and I would be surprised if the OP's brother doesn't.

Send a cheery 'righto' back.

hostafireandice I know, I was agreeing with you. Sorry for the confusion.

I'd be tempted to send back a letter to him saying that in the spirit of honesty and openness you've explained/will explain his faith to your DCs including [insert list of whatever weird stuff he does in the name of extreme Catholicism] and why you think it's all wrong. The add 'actually, maybe I won't, because I'm not an intolerant twat'.

And prepare yourself to be the one that his children turn to for advice when they move away from the extremes of their parents faith.

Gwrit ah, sorry. I think I got caught up in all the "nobody could possibly actually do any of this crazy stuff" comments and thought you were another ;)

I mean, , obviously