Aibu re letter from religious brother?

[NayaDeles]

I hope I'm including all relevant details and no irrelevant details, while trying to avoid any dripfeeding.

My brother is a staunch Catholic. He wasn't raised deeply religious, he decided when he met his now wife that that way of life was what he wanted. They'll be married ten years this year and have seven children and are, as far as I know anyway, perfectly happy.

This morning I got a letter from him/them stating that soon enough some of the kids will getting to the stage where they will be asking questions like why their aunts and uncles are living with people that they're not married to. And that when the kids ask this they will tell them that it's wrong to live with someone you're not married to 'as it goes against the teachings of christ'. So if any of the kids are a bit 'off' around me next time I see them, this is why.

Aibu to be a bit, I don't know, put out or wrongfooted or something, by this? I don't want to go as far as offended but definitely feel a touch judged. I have another brother who is due to have his first child in about six weeks time with his girlfriend and I'm thinking about seeing if he's recieved the same letter and what he thinks if he has. Thinking about it, all of SILs siblings are from the same deeply Catholic background so I doubt anyone there is living in sin as it were. But there's a PS at the end of the letter that says the letter is being sent to 'everyone'. Btw, everything in quote marks are direct quotes from the letter.

Am I overreacting though? Maybe I'm reading too much into it. I'm not being asked to do anything really, I wasn't asked for an opinion or a reply. The letter was meant as a 'heads up' that the children might be 'a bit off' with me. Maybe I should try to see this as I should appreciate the warning. I don't know, what do you all think? What would you do, if anything? I mean I don't think I will do anything, there's nothing really to do. I haven't been asked to do anything. I guess I'm asking would you feel weird to recieve a letter like this from your brother?

Well I wasn't suggesting you actually say anything to the kids, just say it him to make your point!

What is this children reaching an age bollocks? They will ask why people aren't married...NO THEY WONT!

They will either assume people are married, or wouldn't even think to ask!what your db is telling you is that he's going to use you and the other unmarried members of the family as an example of how superior HE is.

I hope that other members of the family bollock him for this.

I for one would tell him that he is not to discuss me or my family in any way shape or form, and if he's raised his kids to be as rude, intolerant and ignorant as he is, you'll have no bother in pointing this out so as to help them correct the errors of HIS woeful parenting.

I thought that too Hissy. If the children are all suddenly collectively 'a bit off' it will not be because they asked but because their parents decided to sit them down and deliver them a well timed sermon.

Dear Brother,

Despite your request, I must admit that i will be surprised if your children are "a bit off with me".

As they have been raised in a Christian home, I would expect them to be polite to everyone they meet. I have always found your children to be a delight and it makes me very sad to learn that you now see traits of rudeness in them.

I hope you will be able to encourage them to return the right path, before they are much older.

Your loving sister.

Sorry weekendaway I was letting my thoughts run away with me a bit!

What strikes me most about op brother is that he is assuming that his children will go along with his opinions. In my experience, this is not necessarily how it works with children.

Tell the children to ask their Dad;

"Daddy what is mastaubation and can we get a pet rampant rabbit ?"

I too am "living in sin" this situation does create problems for other (married) parents (even very tolerant non-religious ones) who have explained to their children that babies appear once a man and woman get married!

I actually have some sympathy for the dilemma your brother is facing, because he's trying to send a firm and breakable message to his children about no sex before marriage, when the kids can see that his own siblings are breaking this rule. I guess this is why seriously religious people try to live in separate communities, and send their kids to religious schools, so that their children don't see a world outside that is "off message". The modern world eh!

Hissy nailed it. This is his issue, it's nothing to do with the children.

It reminds me of when a colleague remarked upon my moving in with my boyfriend (now DH): "oh, so you're happy just living in sin then?!" I said "yes, I'm really enjoying it"

Kwirral

the brother is on a very sticky wicket with the line he's taking

those chickens will come home to roost

I think the best idea is to send him the verses out the bible that someone up thread suggested. No explanation, just this, signed 'your dearest sister' of course!

Oh what codswhollop, how unchristian. This is why I love the pope, he's above all this crap. If this is "sin" then he lives a sheltered life.

Blimey! He sounds awful! How rude, how arrogant, how ignorant!

I'd be tempted to keep the lines of communication open with his DC, if only to show them that there is another, perfectly acceptable, non-religious way to live and enjoy life. If any of the DC are girls, in your position, I'd want them to grow up knowing that they could confide in you, be well informed re their contraceptive choices and not be ashamed of healthy sexual relationships, either within or outwith marriage.

Did this really happen? I know and am related to loads of very staunch Catholics and not one would even dream of such a thing.

oh my goodness. If you have kids I think you should respond "and I've taught my kids that it's important to be tolerant and not judgemental". What a twat,

"What letter? I didn't get a letter. Was it about the referendum?"

This approach makes the arrogant pompous arses crazy angry. He's sitting there all smug, thinking you are agonising about it, ready to rebuff whatever you say with more pomposity. If you totally pretend you never received anything, act completely normal, it will fuck him off so so much. Takes the wind right out of those sails. Ha ha ha.

He sounds like an unpleasant, intolerant arsehole.

I'd write back briefly explaining that your children may be a bit 'off' with him as they have recently been asking Mummy why some people are such 'un-Christian' twats and you've had to answer honestly...

I'd tell him to do one!

Well for a start, you need to buy your mother another Budda figure to replace the one that was removed (preferably a bigger one)

I think you should send your brother a packet of condoms in reply with a note saying that you don't approve of him having so many children.

My DC have asked why SIL and BIL on one side are married but DB and "SIL" on the other side aren't. It was in the context of going to their aunt's wedding and they were then 6 and 3.

Iirc we said something like you don't have to get married to live together but some people think it's nice and/or important so they get married. Possibly added that we thought it was important/desirable so we got married before we got our first flat together.

I can't off the top of my head remember chapter and verse but there's a New Testament bit about being a sinner while you still have judgement/hatred/resentment in your heart. This is nothing to do with Catholicism or even Christianity and everything to do with OP's brother being a self-righteous bellend.

I'd reply with the deeply passive aggressive.

Dear DB

Thanks for the heads up. I do understand why you're so worried about your children getting the wrong end of the stick at such an impressionable age - they can be so rigid in their interpretation of rules at that age, and the true message of Jesus sometimes takes time to comprehend. I'm happy to help, and if we do see any signs that they are showing any signs of shunning us on the grounds of our sin then we'll let you know so you can talk to them about how wrong that is, and read the Gospels together.

But honestly I don't think you have much need to worry, they've always struck me as lovely kids, and full of Christian charity.

Lots of love

DSis