Aibu re letter from religious brother?

[NayaDeles]

I hope I'm including all relevant details and no irrelevant details, while trying to avoid any dripfeeding.

My brother is a staunch Catholic. He wasn't raised deeply religious, he decided when he met his now wife that that way of life was what he wanted. They'll be married ten years this year and have seven children and are, as far as I know anyway, perfectly happy.

This morning I got a letter from him/them stating that soon enough some of the kids will getting to the stage where they will be asking questions like why their aunts and uncles are living with people that they're not married to. And that when the kids ask this they will tell them that it's wrong to live with someone you're not married to 'as it goes against the teachings of christ'. So if any of the kids are a bit 'off' around me next time I see them, this is why.

Aibu to be a bit, I don't know, put out or wrongfooted or something, by this? I don't want to go as far as offended but definitely feel a touch judged. I have another brother who is due to have his first child in about six weeks time with his girlfriend and I'm thinking about seeing if he's recieved the same letter and what he thinks if he has. Thinking about it, all of SILs siblings are from the same deeply Catholic background so I doubt anyone there is living in sin as it were. But there's a PS at the end of the letter that says the letter is being sent to 'everyone'. Btw, everything in quote marks are direct quotes from the letter.

Am I overreacting though? Maybe I'm reading too much into it. I'm not being asked to do anything really, I wasn't asked for an opinion or a reply. The letter was meant as a 'heads up' that the children might be 'a bit off' with me. Maybe I should try to see this as I should appreciate the warning. I don't know, what do you all think? What would you do, if anything? I mean I don't think I will do anything, there's nothing really to do. I haven't been asked to do anything. I guess I'm asking would you feel weird to recieve a letter like this from your brother?

baconyum

What about the rosary? (at least once daily in some households I've known). Litanies?

And holy water near the front door?

Are any of the DC lefthanded? That was (literally) beaten out of my father at Catholic school as it's the side of the devil.

So many rules and practices that religions bring in, unfortunately. Such a shame, as OTOH some of the writings of Catholic mystics have inspired me beyond measure.

Do they go to Confession?

Tell him you'll always be their for his family and when they come to their sences they can start the relationship again.

He sounds deeply unhinged and downright dangerous. His poor kids.

well, sex before marriage is considered wrong in christian teachings, however, he is being far from christian in writing to you and pointing that out. and it is not the most important thing about following christ. Also, everyone fucks up as far as following the rules goes, that is the point of christianity and following christ. no-one could live up to god's standards so Jesus took the punishments for all fucks ups, (including being arrogant and judgemental ) perhaps you better remind him of that. to piss him off

also, it is easy to explain to children. (insert religion) believes that it is wrong to... if you want to follow (insert religion.) Not everybody believes the same thing and we should not go around upsetting people because they believe different things.

I think it's wrong that he's telling his kids it's ok to be off with someone who has a different belief system.

What happens if they're at school and sit with someone of a different religion?

Deffo not cool

Yea what'sbest people like this rarely follow all the ordinances they're meant to! But love criticising others

There's loads of things he'll be supposed to be doing but isn't

I speak as a lapsed catholic

'You can't be an ex catholic only a bad one' I think is a peter Kay joke?

Perhaps the thing at the root of this is your brother trying hard to be a good parent. He wants to make sure his children understand their parents' expectations around relationships and marriage. No bedroom sharing until you're married. Marriage is a binding sacrament etc. He's trying to anticipate the questions and the comebacks.

OTOH , not so great for you and doesn't come over well at all. He sounds like a complete twat.

Religious conviction runs high both sides of my family. I say give it time...for your nieces and nephews if nothing else. People go through phases, life moves them on.

Holistic they're being home 'educated' probably precisely SO they're not 'exposed to sinners'

A cousin of my mums did this her kids were completely unprepared for the real world when they became adults - they'd never even had a haircut nor seen a TV

Baconyum "not exposed to sinners" that is hilarious

Maybe send some science books, a age appropriate magazine & a Buddha ornament for their Xmas gift this year?

Even better...some dinosaur books! That'll really get the questions flowing!

Kids won't be asking about why you're living out of wedlock then!

Oh yyy dinosaur and evolution books!

Yes, Baconyum they are a no TV, no alcohol, no meat on Fridays household. They do attend mass regularly, their wedding mass was in Latin but I don't think the masses they attend are always in Latin.

WhatsBest I don't know about confession or left handedness but I take your point.

semi I'm sure he is just trying to do right by his kids and raise them with the ideals that are a huge part of his own life. As we all are. It was just something about the message 'the kids might treat you like a leper bc we plan to tell them that your way of life is wrong and bad and goes against god. If they ask' that didn't quite sit right with me. I was wondering if others would feel put out too.

Seriously tho Naya just f*ck him off.

We all need to be tolerant and WELCOMING of the differences we have. Especially given the current climate of the U.K.

Plus when he kids discover the real world you'll be the cool Aunt

I wouldn't let your brother off the hook on this. what a pompous prick! Or maybe he's just bad at communication...mmmmm....nah!

having been on the receiving end of it i can tell you it's downright disrespectful, insulting and hurtful behaviour from a sibling. i've had a lot of this from my family, being the only non-muslim-by-choice in a muslim family.

You're not being 'oversensitive'....that's the usual minimising, deflecting crap that up-their-own-arse people come out with. I mean, how can you demean a person and then say they're being 'oversensitive'?!

The only way to stand up to this kind of crap is to refuse to accept it within our own homes. what they choose to do in theirs in their business, but when it comes to you and your family - they'd better treat you with the same respect that they expect for themselves. If his kids are 'off' with you - confront it. Confront the parents. So what if it causes arguments/tension/ruffled feathers?

I don't keep my mouth shut anymore. i speak up and i hold my ground. They know where the land lies with me. they don't talk like that in front of me anymore-much

T

your brother wrote you a letter about this?

wow.

he's a douche.

I have not read the whole thread - sorry. I was brought up Catholic - my mother has papal blessings and is seriously concerned about her atheist daughters. Sounds like your brother is trying to do right thing by his standards. I would try to rise above it and be honest with his children if they ask you what they think, otherwise hold a neutral line. Good luck!

there are a lot of outdated misconceptions about what devout catholics believe on this thread.
I was brought up in a devout household, but we were never taught that heretics should be burnt at the stake or left handed people were bad in any sense.

What devout Catholics think is that the old testament (including the book of Genesis) is not to be taken literally. So, it is possible to believe in big bang theory and that God made the world.
However, the 10 commandments do apply, and they are not to be picked and chose from, applied when it suits and disregarded when it doesn't. So, thou shalt not steal and thou shalt not commit adultery and keep the sabbath day holy are all rules given by God on how to live our lives in order to live in Heaven.

Being able to go to heaven is what it is all about. My parents wanted it for all of us, and it mattered an incredible amount. It hurt and frustrated them as we grew up and each of us slowly distanced ourselves. TBH it caused an incredible amount of angst on both sides and made the teenage years and my 20s very stressful as the war was fought over whether I could make my own decisions about my life or follow the rules that my parents were taught by the church to follow. Letting me and my siblings go our own way was the hardest thing they ever did when they believed that we were making the biggest mistake of our lives.

So, OP, if I were you, I'd be insulted but I'd avoid a fight because the church always wins. instead I'd try to convince your DB to leave it to god to judge you and not guide his children to do it. That way, you'll be around to help your DNs when they start growing up and thinking for themselves.

(TB Its a very odd decision your DB made to marry someone like that. Was he having a tough time before he met her?)

Our Catholic priest baptised our child and only paused for a second when we explained we were non married lesbians, literally a nano second. If he, an ordained priest can do the right thing and not be "0ff" then your rude bro can suck it up too.

I agree with this, and can also vouch for not one but two Catholic priests who prayed for me first while pregnant and second when my dd was born despite the fact that I was (and am) a single mother and hence must have indulged in some form of actual sin to find myself with child...no, sadly, it wasn't a divine conception in my case.

kawliga - of course they did. It is for only God to judge, which is where the OP's DB is going wrong from a devout catholic point of view. (Sorry but that's my understanding of how they'll see it.)

I don't think the church has a view on lesbianism, but maybe someone else knows different?

Will he explain to his children also why so many Catholic priests are known to have sexually abused children (and the church for as long as possible has done nothing about it)?

Dear brother

Thank you for your letter.

I am saddened that you are teaching your children to take this attitude towards me. However in the spirit of the Lords prayer I shall forgive your trespasses against me and hope that the Lord if not yourself will forgive what you perceive to be my trespass.

Love

Your sister

it's wrong to live with someone you're not married to 'as it goes against the teachings of christ'

Pedant alert - the RC church says sex outside marriage is wrong, not who you live with.

I would ask him to make sure the children know this is one of the RC church's teachings and not what everyone believes and leave it at that.

I don't think the church has a view on lesbianism, but maybe someone else knows different?

The church's teaching, as I was taught it, is that every instance of intercourse must always be open to the possibility of conception.

Hard to see how that could happen with lesbians.

Although I do seem to remember that the Holy Spirit was able to impregnate a virgin...

Really, I'm RC and attend mass regularly. I've honestly never experienced anything similar in recent years. In my community there are a few people who are very active in church life who aren't married to their partners and it's really not a big deal. From memory it only got mentioned once by one new priest who was shifted on off the back of it. If what you're saying is true then your brother has chosen that stance himself and he's using the religion as an excuse. Tell him he's going the right way about putting his own children right off religion and to back off. It's tossers like him that give everyone else a bad name.