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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU - woman taking dd's hand

360 replies

wheresthel1ght · 27/06/2016 16:15

To start out I don't think I was being unreasonable and if anything I think I should have done more but would appreciate some outside input as I have an anxiety disorder and not sure that I wasn't seeing this situation as more than it was.

Pulled into the car park at our local Home Bargains store and was getting dd out the car. She is massively independent but still only 2.10 so I insist on her holding my hand as she has little road sense as with most kids her age. She was refusing and was holding her hands together saying she was being friends I could bloody murder Justin fletcher. Next thing I know some random woman is saying to dd "come and hold my hand" dd obliged and the woman started to walk dd towards the shop.

I grabbed dd's hand and said something along the lines of "this way darling we need to get a trolley" and pulled her away from the woman. I then tried to tell dd that we don't talk to strangers and we never hold hands with them because not all stranger are nice people. The woman must have heard me and as I walked past her in the shop she told me I was rude and unkind and she was only trying to help.

Wibu? I never said anything to her but I wanted to tell her to get her hands off my dd.

OP posts:
swelchphr · 28/06/2016 20:11

Marysunshine - I would be very appreciative if my child wandered off and you kindly reunited us (as I think any parent would). I would hope you wouldn't let a child walk unattended into a dangerous situation.

However, it is not okay for a stranger to take my child and walk away with her without my consent.

SirChenjin · 28/06/2016 20:14

I suspect that there would be very few people who would suggest that you didn't take a child back to its mother who was within sight.

I'm not sure that I would take a child elsewhere if it's a longish distance - I have always told my children to stay where they are and there is a chace I will be able to come and find them. If an adult says 'come with me and I will take you to safety' then you could imagine the potential scenario. Far better - imo - to ask another adult to alert someone while you wait with the child, or phone the police.

Rainbow · 28/06/2016 20:24

YANBU. Maybe she was trying to help but she shouldn't have taken your child's hand. Stranger danger is not out dated, it is very real. We cannot control who walks into our playground but we are more cautious of people we don't recognise with children in our class. Last week a 3 year old child came to pick up her older sibling and a man talked her away from her mum while mum was talking to a teacher. Fortunately someone asked if she knew him and we stopped her walking away with him. Yes children are abused by people they know but also by strangers. I have always taught my children to approach police Officers or people with children. When my 4 yo got lost he asked a woman with a buggy.

Daddymcdadface · 28/06/2016 20:41

Have to agree with you. As has been pointed out if it had been a man then you would probably be being asked if you had called the police. Unless a child is in danger you don't interfere

NewUsernameOldMe · 28/06/2016 20:41

YABU

Only1scoop · 28/06/2016 20:42

So "would you hold my hand"
"She obliged"

Has turned into 'grabbed her by the hand'

Right Oh Op
Grin

NotBanksy · 28/06/2016 20:44

Can't believe some of the posts I'm reading here!
Completely agree with you op. So what if she heard what you said? She should be made aware of how weird it is to take the hand of a strangers child and walk away.

NotBanksy · 28/06/2016 20:49

The child was never on her own. Her mother was there. They were having a conversation about hand holding. It wasn't getting out of hand (no pun intended Smile)
I'm struggling to get into the mind of the passer by who thought, 'wow, clearly my expertise is needed here, best jump in to the parenting party' Hmm

wheresthel1ght · 28/06/2016 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Only1scoop · 28/06/2016 21:30

Now that's a tad rude Op....

Proving your own point

Bless you Wink

amarmai · 28/06/2016 21:31

The mother is responsible for her child's safety. The mother was the person who was there with her child and they were having a pleasant exchange when a strange woman intervened and told the child to take her hand then walked away from the mother with the child. The woman did not speak or look at the mum! The mother had to catch up and take her child's hand . Still the stranger held on and did not let go. The mother had to pull her dd away and then had to explain to her dd that it is not safe to allow a stranger to take her away from her. Mum. The woman did not go about her business but stayed to eavesdrop and verbally abuse the mum for being rude. In the original thread posted by the mum most pps agreed with the mum. SUbstitute a man doing this and what wd be the reaction? Report to the police for sure. Why wd that not also be the advice when it's a woman who did this?

CreepingDogFart · 28/06/2016 21:32

OP the woman was presumptuous and weird. You did right.

SirChenjin · 28/06/2016 21:33

Oh give over Scoop - put your wooden spoon away.

Annie592 · 28/06/2016 21:40

I don't think you were unreasonable at all, I would have been furious! You can't just take the hand of another child and walk off with them, I'm sure this lady thought she was helping, but I would have reacted in exactly the same way (actually I would have had to say something directly to the lady- I'm not saying I would have been rude, but I would have had to told her to let go of my daughters hand and explain that it wasn't helpful.)

Only1scoop · 28/06/2016 21:41

Am watching just near impossible to post on mobile site

App still down

Only1scoop · 28/06/2016 21:41

Whoops wrong thread Blush

3gorgeousgirlies · 28/06/2016 21:46

Agree with you op. Can't be too careful.

MrsMimmy · 28/06/2016 22:00

Unfortunately I don't have time to read all the post, so I'll just pop my twopenneth here; round our way there have been lots of incidents of reported attempted child snatching. I think if someone tried that with my DS, I'd be saying "thanks but no thanks", and reinforcing that we don't hold strangers hands.

The lady may well have just been trying to help, but she may just as easily been a different type of person, and a failed snatch could be justified as 'just trying to help' so the police aren't called.

aspoonfulofyourownmedicine · 28/06/2016 22:15

YANBU op, I wouldn't by happy if a stranger took the hand of my child and walked away with him. My son is 6 and he knows about 'stranger danger' and not to take sweets etc or walk away with strangers. I don't agree that stranger danger is outdated, in fact, it's these days where we should be more 'on the ball' as such, especially with those two teenage girls leading a child away from her mother in a store....it's not far from where I live!

Sausagesandroses · 28/06/2016 22:23

I love how everyone's assuming she was only trying to help, bless her.
Sounds sinister and would freak me out.

Marymoosmum14 · 28/06/2016 22:38

I don't think it was an overreaction. I would have done the same, she may have been helping but you don't know that, she could have taken your dd out of sight and run off with her. Children get kidnapped all the time. The police tell you all the time to teach your kids to be afraid of strangers and not to walk off holding their hands.

RandomName9 · 28/06/2016 23:11

Wow! I really can't believe all the people saying it's ok for a stranger to take a child's hand!! I wonder if they would feel the same had the OP said it was a man??

This may be acceptable behaviour in different areas but we have had a few cases of attempted abductions near a few different local schools, so I'm afraid from me she would have got ALLOT worse than overhearing a "stranger danger" speech!! And then to call YOU rude!! I literally cannot get over this!

You are not being unreasonable at all, if anything I would say you were too nice and maybe you should have told her actually what she had done wrong as she clearly didn't realise.

Unicorn1981 · 28/06/2016 23:29

This is interesting because I also suffer with anxiety and once I was trying to get my dd (3) down from the seat so we could get off the bus. This lady grabbed her hand and pulled her down. I hadn't done this because she likes to do it herself and gets tantrumy if you grab her. Anyway I was fine with that but she carried on holding her hand off the bus and I said very politely, 'thanks very much for your help but you can let go now please'. At this point the lady went mad telling me I was ungrateful and didn't want her touching my child because she thought she was dirty because she was black (definitely not). I just thought she was pulling dd and she doesn't like it. I couldn't stop thinking about it for days later and a couple of people I spoke to about it said they thought I had overreacted.

happybee1 · 29/06/2016 00:32

YANBU, I too find this women's actions misguided or sinister. As others have said stranger danger is not outdated, we have had about 4 incidences of attempted abductions outside schools in the area I lived in previously. We had police presence outside the school during these times. Somebody tried to push a girl from my dc's club into a car, luckily she got away.
When my DS was this age he almost dissapeared off with a strange man who also took hold of his hand!!

APomInOz · 29/06/2016 02:14

I think she was rude, how dare she come and undermine the parent! I would have been pissed off too. I am quite capable of managing my children and don't need some random to come and intervene without asking!