WIBU - woman taking dd's hand

[wheresthel1ght]

To start out I don't think I was being unreasonable and if anything I think I should have done more but would appreciate some outside input as I have an anxiety disorder and not sure that I wasn't seeing this situation as more than it was.

Pulled into the car park at our local Home Bargains store and was getting dd out the car. She is massively independent but still only 2.10 so I insist on her holding my hand as she has little road sense as with most kids her age. She was refusing and was holding her hands together saying she was being friends I could bloody murder Justin fletcher. Next thing I know some random woman is saying to dd "come and hold my hand" dd obliged and the woman started to walk dd towards the shop.

I grabbed dd's hand and said something along the lines of "this way darling we need to get a trolley" and pulled her away from the woman. I then tried to tell dd that we don't talk to strangers and we never hold hands with them because not all stranger are nice people. The woman must have heard me and as I walked past her in the shop she told me I was rude and unkind and she was only trying to help.

Wibu? I never said anything to her but I wanted to tell her to get her hands off my dd.

The only advice I would give to the OP is, be very careful not to pass your anxiety of the outside world to your daughter.
You don't want her to grow up believing the world is a dangerous place, full of nasty people that she can't trust.
Anxiety is a horrible mindset and can really hold you back in life and it's difficult to 'unteach'.

I am totally with you OP. How rude of her (a complete stranger) to take it upon herself to lead her off by the hand without even saying a word to you first, it doesn't matter if she was trying to help it's not her place.
I would have done the same. And been pissed off.

Kaw - she was aiming her question at one poster specifically. I'm pretty sure the OP 'gets' the thread.

FWIW I don't get why some posters thought she was rude. Perfectly justified as far as I'm concerned - and it appears others do too.

Allowing this is giving the message that if a star anger approaches her she can just walk off with them, even if her mother is there. What if one day OP is distracted and a weirdo does offer to take the little girl off? There could be Serious consequences.

I would have told her that her help wasn't needed, thank you. Then explained to DD later in the car why we should just walk off with strangers.

Stranger danger is outdated? Is it hell I tell my 3 DCs not to talk to strangers and if they are lost/need help etc to go to someone in the nearest shop, traffic warden, police officer, another parent with children etc and ask.

I would have done exactly the same thing. It's good you are teaching her from that age that no matter how harmless someone may look. You don't go off with strangers. Who cares what that woman said. You don't know her . It's better you keep your child safe and with you all the time. They will have plenty of freedom when they are older and wiser.

Oh my, is this fred still going?!
Surely there is nothing new anybody can say about it?

I think it was rude of the woman to walk off with your child. Even if she had good intentions that's not normal behaviour. She could of stopped to talk to your daughter to help. Not just take her hand and walk off.
I think your annoyed at yourself for not reacting straight away. Next time speak up!! Xx

I'd be really pissed off - a lady reached into pram and stroked my 2 week old baby the other day and I went hot up the back of my neck !
A; you were trying to deal with a situation
B; you didn't give her permission to touch your child
I'm with you X

I understand your anxiety. My daughter would happily wander off with a friendly stranger in the supermarket. You do need to teach caution with strangers, but latest advice talks about how to teach kids to identify a safe stranger like an information desk attendant in a shop or a police officer etc. It also talks about identifying tricky people, so that kids learn to trust the uneasy feeling if some one is trying to get them to do something that doesn't feel right.
www.checklistmommy.com/2012/02/09/tricky-people-are-the-new-strangers/#sthash.ROq7VQo3.dpbs

Although the OP obviously is (partly) concerned with abduction, for me it wouldn't be about that.

It's more the interfering from someone, that does absolutely zero to diffuse a situation.

The woman may arguably have helped the OP's DD, but she made things a lot worse for the OP herself.

When you have a 'stressful' situation with a toddler (and this wasn't really stressful; it was par for the course toddler behaviour), there are two people getting unsettled by it. The child, and the parent.

So someone wading in and fixing things for the child, but exacerbating it for the patent is not helping. It's making it worse overall.

Just like, never in the history of the world, has telling someone to 'calm down!' ever actually worked to calm them down!

And 'stranger danger' itself is not outdated - you would be utterly remiss as a parent, if you didn't provide age-appropriate strategies to keep your kids safe - even if they are far more likely to be abused by someone they know.

It's undoubtedly naff, but it's more about warning them of 'tricky people' these days. Sorry, US site, but there's plenty of others if you google.

Surely there is nothing new anybody can say about it?

Oh Pacific - you know how MN works. This could quite easily run to 1000 messages, with 80% of posts saying the same thing

There must be a cultural aspect to this as well because I can hardly believe so many people have thought OP was BU. I'm American and am often timid when speaking up, but whether I was there or not, if a stranger approached my 2 year old, took them by the hand, and told them to come with them/walk away from me, I would first be appalled and then definitely have something to say about it. If you tried to pull that in the US, you can bet you'd be knocked on your arse (and most likely reported to the authorities).

Here's a tip Pike. Please, please don't post about things on MN AIBU with the opening line saying you have an anxiety disorder. It won't soften what people say one bit and it will leave you feeling that people have been insensitive to your anxiety disorder. I know this from bitter experience. It also means you are less likely to let it go long after you should have done and will almost certainly get lots of "but why did you post this? Why are you still posting? why why why?" posts.

It just isn't good for you or for anyone really. It brings no great good to the world.

People are telling the OP she is being unreasonable because this is AIBU.

Believe me, if the woman herself came on here with her version of events (I took the girl's hand, and walked off with her, leaving Mum at the car!), she'd be burnt alive as being unreadable, too.

*unreasonable ... but yes, definitely 'unreadable' too!

Believe me, if the woman herself came on here with her version of events (I took the girl's hand, and walked off with her, leaving Mum at the car!), she'd be burnt alive as being unreadable, too.

That is so true, Dowager!

Yes, SirChenjin, I do know, but I still cannot believe it at times.

In summary: none of us other than the OP were present. Some of us think the OP WBU, some the other woman. Some of us have higher levels of anxiety/risk averseness than others. Some of us thought the OP was rude, some of us didn't. Nothing bad did actually happen. The End.

Nooo - it can't be the end, there are still 707 posts to go!!

God no - that's very 2015

I led a child back by the hand to her mum today. I saw the girl wander off as her mum was sorting out her other child. Girl was heading to an escalator without her mum realising. Mother was very appreciative and thanked me - then told the little girl to thank 'the nice lady'. I'd have been seriously unimpressed if the woman had berated me for being helpful.
Parents can explain the 'dangers' when out and about to their children in a kind and appropriate way - heaven help us if children are told to fear all people they don't know.

That's a completely different scenario Mary - you were leading the child back to its mother.

Not entirely - some posts on here are suggesting nobody should take the hand of someone else's child.........if I'd seen the child wandering to an escalator unsupervised and didn't spo the mum, I'd have stood with the child asking her to see if she could spot her mum - failing with that I'd have taken the child to the nearest shop assistant, centre manager - which might have been away from the parent.
I certainly wouldn't ignore the danger of a child alone near an escalator.