To think my husband is a complete c***?

[Whatiswrongwithmykid]

He had a work lunch today. He has said all along that it's a lunch so therefore he will be back this evening. We have kids including a non sleeping baby. He has already been out the past 2 nights. He knows I'm exhausted and at the end of my tether.

I dumped the baby on him at 6.30 am this morning as I just couldn't take it any longer and needed sleep. I told him before he left that I needed him home tonight.

You can guess where this is going can't you! I text him at 5.30 to see if he was finished. He eventually replied an hour later to say he needed " a pass" but wouldn't be too late. Not heard a word since. I'm fuming! I have no help at all, except him. So I've not had a break or any help with the kids since Tuesday night. I'm shattered and I face another night of being up every hour.

I wonder if those 'opportunities' will be so keen when he has the kids eow

He's a prize twunt - why does he rate himself so highly? And to taunt you about his 'opportunities? Is he 12?

Oh op. What a horrible selfish prick. Is his career really all that?

Tbh, the things he has said to you alone, particularly this morning when sober,is all you need to know.

If you were looking for an excuse to end it, i'd say now you have one. Kick him out and see what that does for his career.

Btw, most self respecting women wouldnt look twice at some idiot knowing they have a new baby at home or that they have used work as a pass to be out getting drunk 3 nights in a row on those circumstances so i'm guessing he's either full of shit or one of these 'women' could be his just desserts.

He sounds vile.

Well isn't he just delightful

On the contrary, getting drunk with your potential new work colleagues before you even start in post, is a very BAD career move

I think there are some posts here that miss the point... 'Spa day, shopping on his credit card, stonewalling him etc' just miss the point.

When I was in a similar position we shared a bloody bank account so the first two would have been no victory for me.

The stonewalling/being hostile takes as much bloody energy as being really bloody angry.

I'm so sorry you're going through this op.

No good decision was made in times of stress, arguments and anger. Would you have time to discuss this properly later when he's sobered up and the kids are in bed?

Good luck

I understand being a single parent is very very difficult but OP isn't a single parent, she is supposed to be in a partnership and therefore he should not be behaving in this manner.

YANBU OP

I had years of my ex completely disregarding my needs and eventually any love I had for him died and I left him.
Look after yourself , he won't change xx

OP What are you going to do this morning? Get out of the house, go for a walk it's lovely outside! Treat yourself to a nice breakfast. Sorry your husband is a piece of shit

Jesus, you poor thing.

I had similar, we split when the baby was 6 months. It was hard as a single mum, but nowhere near as hard as living with a cunt who had no regard for me. His responses were always outrageous, but presented with such conviction that it made me question myself.

Do yourself a massive favour and end things.

Sorry your husband is a piece of shit

This.

Op I suggest you get yourself to a solicitor and find out where you would stand financially in event of divorce. This will give you the ability to start planning your future apart from him. You will cope better alone than parenting alone in a lonely marriage.

There are many women before you who have done this - me included. It's frightening but I remember moving into my new home after I left my husband and feeling an immense sense of relief which was bigger than the feeling of fear.

Another

Sorry your husband is a piece of shit

I've been there with DC who cried a lot, had to be held (took until she was 6 months until they diagnosed silent reflux - please insist on get her seen for this) - it very nearly broke me and that was with DH helping as much as he could.

I am just so sad for you please get the wheels in motion to divorce him and get him to move out.

what is there to discuss with this arsehat

I agree. The guy is a dick but nobody can just end a marriage by changing the locks and fucking off on a spending spree.

There's months ahead of negotiations, house sale, child contact, maintenance, solicitors etc.... It affects everything.

The op hasn't seen him (sober) for days. She can't just up sticks and leave without a backwards glance. It doesn't work like that.

So the discussion needs to start somewhere.

Re spa day - time to rest, review the situation alone. Time for husband to be left, alone for a day and consider his stupidity.
Return, tell him how things are going to go from now onwards, after time and space to think and review without disturbance
What's wrong with that?! Better than making life decisions on the hoof when you're wasted by tiredness, plus it may give him a shake up that it's hard work
Oh and by the way, take his ear plugs too so he can't use them!

OP. It looks like his comment about his opportunities may well be the one from which you don't (choose) to come back.

All his comments and actions show a gradual erosion of your love and respect for him. From the outside it's quite a clear picture of how he sees his importance in relation to yours. No wonder you feel anxious and slightly depressed.

It's such a horrible situation to be in. As is often said on here, death by a thousand cuts.

I think you know where this is going. Nobody who's ever loved somebody and had children with them wants to go there. But, when they have killed the feelings you have for them you can't stay where you are now.

Whether he has or hasn't taken up the "opportunities" - who knows ? Quite frankly he's no husband to you so he might as well, you don't want or need him.

He seems to have no respect for you so don't have any regard for his feelings. Do what makes you feel ok today. I'd try not to be drawn into an argument today, as you say that's what he wants, he wants to paint you as the unreasonable nag. I think a quiet day where you contemplate your next move would help you, and throw him into confusion.

Gosh OP, he sounds like such a prize

I was you a until year ago. A year of not having to pick up after a selfish man-baby and having every other weekend to myself has done wonders for my happiness and mental health.

for you op.

Just stay totally indifferent to him. Don't tell him how you're feeling or what you're going to do and get your ducks in a row. Get to a solicitor and get some advice. It may also be worth ringing your hv for some advice of where yo go for support. Mine was really helpful when dp and I had problems.

Splitting will be the best thing for you and your children. It sounds like he adds nothing positive to your lives. Let one of his "opportunities" have him. You've already won the prize of your beautiful children. Stay strong.

That comment about the women being after him is disgusting.

Leave him!

I hardly ever say this, but you need to LTB. ASAP. It will be hard on your own but this is emotional abuse.

You've got yourself a grade-A cock there, OP. I hope you find a way forward for you and the DC. You don't need him in your life. Have some and