AIBU to be annoyed when people ask where I'm REALLY from?

[maggiethemagpie]

I'm of mixed heritage, my dad is iranian and my mum is english but my dad moved here as a student in the 1960s and kind of turned his back on his home country, so I've never really felt Iranian myself.

However I got all his genes as I look quite dark and nothing like my english mum.

People will sometimes ask 'where are you from' and I usually reply 'stockport' but no, that's not what they mean what they really mean is 'from what country do you get your appearance' so they will say 'no where are you really from'

And it annoys the feck out of me.

Why can't I just be from Stockport, as I just told them? I AM from stockport, I was born there, my mum was born there. OK my dad wasn't but they didn't ask where my dad was from, they asked where I was from.

And if I say no, really from Stockport then I come across as arsey. But I don't see why I should have to start explaining my genetic heritage to a stranger. Then I have to explain that, no, i'm not iranian even though my dad is and no I have never been there and no I don't speak the language.

AIBU to think it is rude for people to ask me this? And then insist on a different response to the one initially given?

I would ask, "Do you mean, 'Where was I born' or 'what is my heritage" and in your case, add, "culturally I identify as Britsh/English", with an optional "ethnically I am biracial".

My bugbear is people insisting I am British when I am not. I am Scottish - I have never identified as British nor do I have a sense of what it means".

We'll, as a second generation immigrant (both parents from same other country but with quite different heritage prior) and with all sorts of good stories, inferences and speculation about my own family history that I'd very happily share bore you with I am most disappointed that none of the self-confessed nosy fuckers on this thread, or their like in my real life orbit has ever asked me 'no, where are you really from' or any such question, as I'd be happy to chat, really I would...

...because my rightful and intrinsic Britishsness has never ever been called into question, so is untouchable by and irrelevant to your questions and my wittering.

Why? Could it possibly be because I am white (typically, Britishly, averagely, mousily, pear-shapedly white)?

Why would you not want to say where your parents are from? You quite clearly have a different look which to be fair probably makes you quite striking having an Iranian father why would you not be proud of that?? As said previously I'm from Stockport but my father is Iranian will explain everything

What about "I'm from Stockport but I get my good looks from my dad" 😊
It is a bit unintentionally? rude.

But why should the op explain anything? Do you explain your racial heritage to everyone you meet?

The thing is, how many peole in the UK are now 'white british'?
In London there are less tha 50% 'white British' people.
The percentage of non white British people is now high enough that asking the question' were are are REALLY from?' Shouldn't actually happen.
And I actually doubt that that sort of question would be asked to someone who is from Asian origin either, maybe because it's seen as more 'normal' or as 'people who have been here for generations' rather than new immigrants with a nice story to tell.

I think it's nosy. What about the OP starts asking peole where they are REALLY from too? Would people like it?

Exactly cruikshank

SarahAnderson I totally agree. "human curiosity and a desire for connection" is spot on.
You can respond with "my heritage is X although I know very little about it" or "my father is from X but i have never been there and have never met that side of the family" or "i was born in X but have lived here since the age of 4 and dearly wish I could visit more often" or whatever might apply.
I still don't understand why this is seen as "having to explain" oneself and viewed with such negativity.
Perhaps the way people feel about this does relate to having lived in London where so many people have a story around their background that these kinds of questions are normal and do not provoke feelings of being singled out.
As can be seen from the many white British posters who get asked where they are from it is not simply about the colour of skin.

sorry lots of posts came up while i was writing mine. i do accept that "No, really, where are you from?' would be annoying. that, is rude but otherwise i maintain that asking about someone's ethnicity or heritage is positive and nice and almost always borne of warm interest in others.

Reggy I live in a northern town where racism used to be rife, it's not so bad now but when strangers judge me on how I look to then shout racist abuse at me, funnily enough I'm going to be cagey when well meaning/nosey strangers ask me about my heritage due to my appearance as well. I've basically been conditioned to be on my guard based on how people have reacted to colour of my skin.

YANBU People who do this are placing their 'need' to know above your need for privacy, and that's unfair. If you wanted to share your family's origins, then you would do so in response to the first question.

I do think a lot of people do it without meaning to be offensive, and may even think they are being friendly or more 'accepting' ' by asking about it, but that's no excuse IMO.

To those who are saying what's wrong with me saying I'm english but my dad is Iranian... I don't really want to have to go there, not with strangers!

I don't identify with being Iranian so why do I have to tell some nosey parker where my dad is from?

They asked me where I was from, not where my dad is from. I am from stockport/england so that is the answer I am happy giving. But it's never the right answer.

It's completely different for those living in this country who were born elsewhere, and I can understand why they don't mind being asked about their country... but for me it does feel 'othering' and like people don't see me as a person belonging to this country somehow.

Its more annoying than offensive, a bit like 'why should I have to tell you about where my dad comes from just because I got his genes'.

I can understand why you'd think it was rude and I dare say some folk are rude ! But I would think the majority of people aren't being rude they are being inquisitive and wanting to know... For me to ask something like that (altho I never do because I don't want to offend ) is because I find someone has beauty or accent from another race...for example I saw a gorgeous woman in town the other week with dark hair big brown eyes and she just had a Spanish look and I was dying to ask her where she was from as she was gorgeous... But I don't feel comfortable asking people this... Devils advocate only 😉

I do think it's a bit easier for me to ask the 'where are you from' question as I can say all in one breath, "Where are you from? I'm Australian" and so it's clear that I'm not a white british person telling someone else they don't belong here. I do this in taxis a lot -- it would make me uncomfortable to be thought of as interrogating a foreigner, but I think it feels different if you are actually a foreigner. (And, often, the person you are speaking to is not actually a foreigner at all.)

Just say Stockport then and when folk say originally say Stockport originally 👌🏼

I do remember one time going on a skiing holiday with friends and friends-of-friends, and one girl who I didn't know before the holiday was British with a non-British name and dark colouring. We got on well, and we were cooking together one evening, and I really wanted to know what her ethnicity was. I wanted to know because this is usually a really important part of people's identity, and it seemed like a very normal thing to discuss. BUT I couldn't find a graceful way to ask it and ended up saying something clumsy like 'Where are your people from?', at which she reacted negatively. It was sad and I wish it had been less of an issue - I wish there were a way to just friggin ask!

I have in the past said' do you mean where was I born' and given the name of the hospital, i know and they know full well that's not what they mean, what annoys me is that they dont just leave it at Stockport so i always have to be thinking of the second answer to give them.

Reggy "Perhaps the way people feel about this does relate to having lived in London where so many people have a story around their background that these kinds of questions are normal and do not provoke feelings of being singled out. "

That's funny because having lived here all my life is one reason I'm puzzled by the question and annoyed by it. It's on,y asked by people who don't think the answer should be London.

Ilove - yes, we can say it again but why should we have to?

Toomuch you've hit it on the head... it's that the answer can't be London, or Stockport or Wolverhampton or whatever and I know that before I even open my mouth to reply.

Why do you feel the need to ask where someone is from if they are attractive though? Also would you ask a person with the same colouring and accent as you where they are from if they were attractive?
I don't see why knowing where someone's parents or grandparents come from is of great excitement and interest just because they don't come from the UK.
OK they maybe come from India. So what?
My grandparents' experiences are their experiences, my experiences are my experiences.
I don't believe you are defined by your ancestors.
If someone wants to get to know me I'd rather they talked about my hobbies or political views than which bits of the UK and abroad I've lived in over the years and where my parents were born.

I remember once being on the beach in the south of France with a friend, friend was black American. Some white English bloke spotted us, well spotted my friend, came over and started chatting to him because he thought he'd spotted another Brit. So, this white British man assumed, because my friend was black, that he was British.

I find people here to be naturally curious, not in a bad way at all. That isn't to say you shouldn't find it annoying tho OP as I suppose really they're saying "I can see you are different". When Im back home I get British holidaymakers coming past my dad's house on their way to the beach, they always greet then if they have a question speak-to-me-in-English-very-clearly-and-slowly. Always tickles me to answer them in a typical London accent, when I have a mind to

People do ask where Im from and Im happy to respond, and at times have a little chat about it. Even tho Im not British I find London fascinating, so many different cultures here so I've probably asked this very same question myself. Im not nosey, just interested

I don't know... Id have to think a bit more on this one

indeed. which brings me to men who are frightfully excited about chatting up someone they perceive to be "exotic"

Yes, and then some of them get angry with you and YOUR WHOLE RACE (or what they perceive it to be if you won't tell them) when you show no interest in them.

My previous employer had a job application form that asked for "Ethnic Origin" as well as "Nationality" amongst other questions. Are people asking because of the EU Referendum or have people always asked?

They've always asked.