To feel frustrated at my DH reaction to paid for holiday?

[Nala1982]

A relative of ours has won some money and paid for all the family to go to Florida. The family is so appreciative and excited all apart from DH. Despite the fact that it is our kid's dream holiday, DH says it is not his idea of a holiday and would we mind if he spent 50% alone away from the disney/water park bullshit we are planning. Yes, I do mind because this family member has paid for us to go and it's cost thousands - and also because I will need him to help me keep an eye on the 2 DC's.

His lack of enthusiasm is actually embarrassing me. The family member who paid has already mentioned that he does not seem interested at all. DH says he appreciates the thought but he would much rather do a cheap holiday to Spain. I am mortified.

I'm guessing going to Disneyworld isn't your dream holiday either but you're supposed to suck it up for the DCs and let DH opt out for half the holiday. Bugger that for a game of soldiers!

If he can't participate fully in a family holiday, then take someone else with you. Honestly you'd be better off taking a friend who will actually help with the DCs than a grumpy manchild who can't put his own wants aside for one holiday. If he'd rather go to Spain for a week - let him. Just make sure you do take a friend or relative to help you with the DCs.

Why can't each parent do half the work each. It would be silly for both parents to spend all day standing in queues and walking between rides, take turns and everyone is happy.

I've been to Disney and I hated it. Even though I was 13 or so and had BEGGED to go. I enjoyed the everglades and I loved Miami, but GOD Disney was awful. So I'm with your DH, I'm afraid. Let him do his own thing 50% of the time, but put him in sole charge of the kids when he's with them for the other 50%. Use your free days to go and spend time with your other adult relatives without the kids, taking about all the stuff you never get to, have a drink, maybe go to a spa or something. Make it a holiday where everyone in the family feels like they've had a treat!!

Quote from Op; "DH says it is not his idea of a holiday and would we mind if he spent 50% alone away from the disney/water park bullshit we are planning. Yes, I do mind because this family member has paid for us to go and it's cost thousands - and also because I will need him to help me keep an eye on the 2 DC's "
Op's DH doesn't want to spend it alone with Op and their dc, he wants to go places alone for 50% of the holiday

Thank you for your responses. A lot of mixed replies I see. We are going for 2 weeks. The current plans are to spend 60% of the holiday doing Disney and theme park stuff. A couple of beach days and a few days where we each choose what we are doing. DH is probably hoping to be left at the hotel while we all take the kids off to the theme parks so he can sunbathe by the pool.

I can manage the kids by myself but it will stressful as I have one child that tries to sprint ahead and other that is constantly lagging behind.

My personal dream holiday would be a Caribbean beach break but this is such a kind gesture by family member. They really wanted to treat all the kids in the family and the thought of seeing my kid's faces at Disney makes this a dream holiday for me too. Everyone was asked before the trip was booked. He said he wanted to come because he didn't want to be away from the kids for 2 weeks but is now showing absolutely zero interest in it other than to occasionally roll his eyes when we discuss the theme park plans. I find this rude as his place has cost family member over £1000. The kids are going to love it and I don't understand why he isn't looking forward to spending this time with them.

A pity you didn't put that in your first posting, OP, would have saved a lot of people a lot of time, as the new information changes the subject TOTALLY. Although at least you did it all in one bit, rather than the usual slow drip feed....

biggest drip feed wondering if because the response weren't what they expected

Quite a different scenario, but my DP's mother booked a holiday for us and other family members as a surprise for his 40th birthday last year. It was a lovely gesture, but it was to a destination neither me nor DP would have chosen, at a time that wasn't at all convenient. It caused a lot of angst, and we ended up in a compromise that I only went for part of the time instead of the whole trip. I still feel resentful that my MIL put us in that position, regardless of how well intentioned her idea was. I'm with your husband, I'm afraid.

But if anyone would like to pay for me to have a week on the Orkneys my bank account is that way smile

The Orkneys would be my dream holiday too!

OP did you forget to put this in your OP?

DH is probably hoping to be left at the hotel while we all take the kids off to the theme parks so he can sunbathe by the pool.

It's a large family holiday, is it, with brothers and sisters-in-law, as well as nephews and nieces?

From your OP I thought "all the family" meant you, your husband and your children.

And Im another one who doesnt get all this martyrdom regrading children and holidays. Its a family holiday, not just a holiday for children. We went to America in 2013 when DSs were 5 and 11, the amount of people that couldnt understand us going to California and not Florida was unbelievable.

Erm I understood the OP to mean the whole extended family first time...

There are 12 of us in total.

I posted late last night and have just had chance to get on the computer and answer the posts asking for more info. Not sure why I am being accused of drip feeding and journalism. Bloody cynical lot.

I think he's being unreasonable in not showing more gratitude as it's a lovely thing your relative has done for everyone and the kids will love it. I do agree with him however about wanting to spend time away from the parks, there are other things to do and it's a bit of a shame to travel all that way and stay just in the parks/resort. It could also be a bit smothering day in day out as such a big group, it'd be nice for you as a family to take yourselvs off for the odd day alone

You are drip feeding because at no point did you say in the OP you were only planning on theme parks for just over half the time - it read like that was what you planned every day. Totally changes things.

Ofgs! Not every little bit of information has to be put in an OP, accept the extra info and reply accordingly, not snide comments of 'drip feeding'.

YANBU. He sounds like a sulky teenager. He probably accepted because he knew he wanted to spend time lazing by the pool and thought he would be getting away with leaving you to take the DCs alone to the bits he didn't want to do. So he gets the free holiday he wants essentially.

I'd tell him not to bother coming. Not the same thing at all but yesterday I was exhausted and the pet cage needed cleaning, DH saw I was shattered and said he would clean it (great, very helpful) so I said I'll sort it out when it was clean. He did so much huffing and puffing and grumping about doing it I told him I wish he hadn't bothered and I would have done it myself. I finished drying it and heaved it back myself (its quite heavy) but he got my message and did stop huffing. Next time I won't bother and I'll just do it myself in the first place. I did have a point but it's gone now , very tired again.

12? Well, it's definitely not something I would want to do, but I can't see an easy way of getting out of it without seeming ungrateful.

He's being selfish. He should just suck this up for the good of his children.

It sounds like he hasn't been given any say in this AT ALL. Why the hell should he have to 'suck it up'?

Oh, that was it. They say and do the thing they ^think; they should, then bloody moan and groan about doing it. Just don't bother in the first place!

I also didn't read the OP like you were doing the parks the whole time, he asked to spend 50% of the time planned away from that.

nucky, he was asked before it was booked if he wanted to go. He said yes. He had a chance to say it's not his sort of thing and he didn't. So now it's been paid for he bloody well should suck it up or repay the money!

I still think that he might not want to spend all that time with your relatives and so what if he would prefer to lay by the pool for a couple of days? There will be other adults to help with the kids. He's not saying he wants to do his own thing all the time.

He said yes to the holiday, now he wants 50% me time. Will you get 50% me time OP?
Some things you do for the kids and Disney is one of them. Its one of the horrors of parenting, like sitting through the Pokemon movie.

DH and I are going to Florida with my parents, my brother and DB's girlfriend next year and there's no way we'll all be joined at the hip. My parents want to go to Daytona and do a trip to see swamps (??), DB's girlfriend wants to do shopping and I'm a diehard Harry Potter nerd who'll be dragging DH to Wizarding World of HP without the rest of the group. Nobody wants to do everything planned but nobody is sulking like a child!

I'm glad to see you're planning days out exploring some of the other things Florida has to offer.
I've been to Florida with DP prior to having our DC and we had some great days at the Florida Keys (sp?) seeing alligators, dolphins (following us on boat trip) and even manatees.
I'm sure the DC will enjoy their Disney and theme park ride days, especially doing that as one big family with cousins. But I can see that all that queueing and busyness wouldn't be every grown-ups idea of a holiday.
I think you should all go for a bit of balance to try to keep everyone happy.
But I'd be annoyed too at the lack of gratitude and will to make it work, especially for all the DC, and the kind family member paying for it all!
Better to talk things through before you go though and hopefully you can work together to make it a great trip for everyone? < she says hopefully! >