To feel frustrated at my DH reaction to paid for holiday?

[Nala1982]

A relative of ours has won some money and paid for all the family to go to Florida. The family is so appreciative and excited all apart from DH. Despite the fact that it is our kid's dream holiday, DH says it is not his idea of a holiday and would we mind if he spent 50% alone away from the disney/water park bullshit we are planning. Yes, I do mind because this family member has paid for us to go and it's cost thousands - and also because I will need him to help me keep an eye on the 2 DC's.

His lack of enthusiasm is actually embarrassing me. The family member who paid has already mentioned that he does not seem interested at all. DH says he appreciates the thought but he would much rather do a cheap holiday to Spain. I am mortified.

I'm with your OH, my idea of hell.

Oh, now I think about it I think it was especially The Everglades National Park that we enjoyed most.

Agree about drip feeding.
The fact he had the opportunity to back out and the fact you are going to spend some time not at the theme park is changing things.

Your description of that holiday is my idea of a nightmare. But I know I would have had a big problem saying NO to said family members because I would have looked ungrateful towards said family members to refuse something that most people would only dream of doing.
I would also have had an issue if the dcs were excited by it, the trip was talked about all the time so they knew but I would have said NO. I would feel crap for my dcs.
All the things that you are mentioning but are actually NOT A GOOD REASON TO SAY YES.

I think you need to have a chat together and find a way to make it nice for all of you, not just do whatever the family member has decided will be nice for everyone.
It could be easy to agree that of the 6 days out of 10 days, he is going to 4 of them but will do his own things for the last 2. Or that you, as a family, will do your owen things for the 2 days out of 6 planned.
Or that holiday something like the family member deciding what everyone will do and everyone has to follow?

Some things you do for the kids and Disney is one of them. Its one of the horrors of parenting, like sitting through the Pokemon movie.

Well as a parent, I have no issue saying to my dcs that I hate DW and Pokemon and no we are not going to DW at all. I'm not planning to be a martyr parent any time soon.

So no we haven't done any of that, even when the opportunity was there (eg being in Paris with friends who DID go to DW)
We have done a lot of other things instead with that money, things that we all enjoyed. The very probably weren't the sort of things 'that every kid is dreaming about' but they enjoyed it, we enjoyed it and probably have had much nicer memories from them than us (parents) dragging ourselves to do something we hated.

There are yay threads on here posted by women who feel guilty about not wanting to go on holidays payed for/planned by others (esp in laws). They are universally told not to feel guilty and to speak up for what they want. But OP's dh has to just suck it up - no compromise, no input???

The only way I'd go on holiday to Florida would be on the understanding that we wouldn't spend all our times, or even most of it, in theme parks. You can be grateful for the sentiment without accepting the favour.

There is no way 12 of you can do everything together. It's impossible.

Is he wanting to do stuff alone because you won't do things without the whole family?

How can you really say no when the kids have been told and are excited. The op husband has been emotionally blackmailed and rail roaded

Exactly - if he'd said 'no' he would no doubt be ungrateful for not wanting to take up the offer, and lazy for expecting his wife to go with the DCs alone. He just can't win in this situation.

I'm also one of those who thinks a theme park, combined with transatlantic travel, is my idea of hell.

They are universally told not to feel guilty and to speak up for what they want. But OP's dh has to just suck it up - no compromise, no input???

He was asked before it was booked and he was happy to go. Now that it has been booked, he is being a big baby.

'Emotionally blackmailed and railroaded' - what the fuck? Someone offered him a free holiday and he accepted.

So drip feeding again, when will ops stop bloody drip feeding?

Sorry not read the full thread but if you do go would recommend thedibb.co.uk a british forum for disney planning. The Brit's guide to orlando book by simon veness is also a good start.

Have more than one car. This is essential imo. The dibb has a trip reports section and there have been some horrific ones with people in groups where it has all gone wrong - the 'brangelina' one springs to mind (the 2 couples didn't speak after the trip ever again!)

Personally I love disney but accept not everyones cup of tea. My ideal park time is 4 hours then a break. If your DH wants a more pool type holiday then have some pool or water park days. We often have time apart, love just being me and DD in park. DH took himself off to a firearms academy this time for the day.

Accept you wont see it all and if you do decide to go come up with a plan so everyone gets to do something they want.

Jeez, I wouldn't have said the op is guilty of notable drip feeding! I cannot see why her update changes everything.

I'm sorry, op, but I am also with your husband. Days off from work are few and far between, why should he spend so many of his doing something that makes him miserable? I think it was incredibly presumptious of your relative to book something without making sure everyone was interested first.

And no wonder he's rolling his eyes if you are constantly talking about it. I feel a bit sorry for him!

How could he say no without looking like the bad one? Quite easily. 'Sorry, DCs and DW's relative. I can't make it because I only have certain holidays but you go off and have fun!' Simple - no bad one.

He didn't do that because he thought he could turn this into his dream holiday of lazing by a pool and he doesn't give a toss that puts more pressure on his DW. Not only that but his grumping is stealing the sunshine from their planning.

Seriously op if I were you, I'd pay the difference to get the ticket put into someone else's name. Don't let him spoil the holiday for yourself and the DCs. And don't be embarrassed on his behalf. This isn't your responsibility to fix.

Everyone was asked before the trip was booked. He said he wanted to come because he didn't want to be away from the kids for 2 weeks but is now showing absolutely zero interest.....

OP's 2nd post, reiterated in her 3rd post, not exactly drip feeding again.

I'm with him to a certain extent, the 60% spent in theme parks wouldn't be the best part of the holiday for me either.

You say he probably wants to sunbathe by the pool on his own but have you actually had an open discussion about what would make the holiday enjoyable for all of you?

He's a grown-up and he needs to stop all the eye-rolling etc but it's his holiday too, and probably most of his annual leave which he might have been looking forward to using watching his kids play on a Spanish beach, so it shouldn't just be presented to him as a fait accompli either.

Some things you do for the kids and Disney is one of them. Ummm NO, over privileged much?

Does anyone think the DH would have a different perspective on this issue?

Presumably the relatives could afford to pay for this holiday, so its no burden on them.

IMO genuine gifts do not come with strings attached. This 'gift' seems to be conditional.

I have experience of conditional gifts. MIL gives expensive gifts to us and then expects me to act like her slave every time she visits. It's a lose lose situation, if you try to refuse the gifts you are vilified and if you accept your burdened. I feel sorry for DH he is in an unwinnable situation and of top of that he is forced to act like he is so very grateful for two whole weeks. Nightmare.

YANBU. It's a free holiday and your DH is being a brat. Sure, my ideal holiday would be in an Italian villa or a city break in Berlin, Barcelona or New York but the kids would hate it, would play up and so ruin it. So, yes, I see his point but the kids would absolutely love it and talk about it for years. I always see it as if the kids are happy and quiet, I am easily pleased, so long as I can have a little drink at the bar, a nice meal in the evening and maybe have a pool to jump in or get out of the park to see the sights/shop, it's fine. .

60% of two weeks? So 8 days in Disney etc?

Wow he is SO not being unreasonable. 4 days is plenty.

Why don't you split it so he does half the disney stuff and you do the other half, that way you both get time to yourselves?

"How could he say no without looking like the bad one? Quite easily. 'Sorry, DCs and DW's relative. I can't make it because I only have certain holidays but you go off and have fun!' Simple - no bad one. "

If the OP is complaining about spending 50% of her time without him, how much complaining would there be about 100% of the time, "sorry kids we can't go because daddy won't come".

People come to air their issues and they get this cynical treatment....

The husband is under no real obligation to go, but agreed to initially. What person, given the circumstances, would not go? Woman or man, I think it's just silly to feel so negatively about this trip. It will probably never happen again in a lifetime. And for those who are against big trips, of course they aren't for everyone but again, it's one time. It's not mummy martyrdom, it's about giving kids a different experience, the same way one would take them to an art gallery. A free experience at that .

Perhaps because I'm from a big family I don't understand the big deal... but I know how much kids tend to love Disney in some form. Why wouldn't someone who has won some money want to treat her beloved family to a place where families are priority by nature? Can you imagine taking the whole family to Paris, or New York... Disney is the easy option imo as there is something for everyone. Even for those who want to pretend that there isn't. I can't imagine saying no unless I couldn't get out of work commitments or possibly if I didn't get along with that family member. But to deny my kids a free trip to Disneyland because I don't like it... crazy!

OP I hope your husband enjoys his time away, but tbh I'd not bother forcing him to come along to every activity if he doesn't want to. The key to big trips is not expecting everyone to do the same thing all the time. Let him stay by the pool if he wants. It's a shame but you can't force him.

Ofgs! Not every little bit of information has to be put in an OP, accept the extra info and reply accordingly, not snide comments of 'drip feeding'

OFGS yourself

There is a massive difference between someone not wanting to spend an entire fortnight in theme parks compared to if that was only the plan for half the holiday in the first place.

Perhaps because I'm from a big family I don't understand the big deal.

Not everyone gets on with their own family or in laws and would not want to spend 2 whole weeks with them