To feel frustrated at my DH reaction to paid for holiday?

[Nala1982]

A relative of ours has won some money and paid for all the family to go to Florida. The family is so appreciative and excited all apart from DH. Despite the fact that it is our kid's dream holiday, DH says it is not his idea of a holiday and would we mind if he spent 50% alone away from the disney/water park bullshit we are planning. Yes, I do mind because this family member has paid for us to go and it's cost thousands - and also because I will need him to help me keep an eye on the 2 DC's.

His lack of enthusiasm is actually embarrassing me. The family member who paid has already mentioned that he does not seem interested at all. DH says he appreciates the thought but he would much rather do a cheap holiday to Spain. I am mortified.

We go to Florida. I would not want to go to theme parks every day. Lovely beaches on coast, Orlando is not relaxing.

Could you do alternatives on some days. Too exhausting to do Disney all the time imo

Lords I'm not sure sure.
We have no idea if his approval was a 'Oh YEEEES, that would be great!' or if it was a very backward yes because he didn't feel he could say No.

What isn't clear either is what he said Yes to. Did he think it would be a 2 or 3 days at DW and then doing something else for the rest of the time or was it clear it would be 8 days at DW right from the start?

What is very clear is that the OP and the dcs are looking forward to their hols. That the OP is very happy to go but doesn't want to take all the responsibility for the dcs.
That plus the fact she thinks it's ungrateful not to be happy to have such a trip paid for you.

Really Tattie? But there's so much else to see

Yes, I know, but I see plenty in other countries and for me Orlando is Disney.

Im not interested in the beaches because I live in a country with year round sunshine and beautiful beaches. The scenery is also beautiful. I have seen seen others parts of Florida but usually when we are driving from Miami to Orlando. Generally we do a Caribbean Cruise, 3 nights in Miami, then up to Orlando where we generally stay 8 nights. But if it was a stand alone Orlando trip it would be for a fortnight. And its not as if we're in the parks from morning to night. We go for a few hours, go home, cook, have a nap, read, then maybe go shopping before returning in the evening for a few hours.

Im not short of other experiences. In the last 10 months Ive been to Alaska on a whale watching trip, and I'm just back from a 3 week long trip to Italy where it was art and history all the way. I go there often and will never tire of it.

Then later this year its a Caribbean Cruise with an old friend then up to Orlando to meet my brother and his wife. Next May its South Africa for a Safari and a nosey around, then later in the year its Switzerland to visit a friend and spend time on Swiss trains looking at their beautiful scenery before going to the Italian lakes.

So you see, it really is possible for Orlando/Florida to only be about Disney if thats what you fancy and you have plenty of other experiences elsewhere.

I spent years pulling my sister in laws leg about her love of all things Disney but when my then 37 year marriage broke up and she said to me we're taking you to see Mickey Mouse I thought to myself - just go and experience something new. So I did. And I loved it. I had the most magical time and it was just what I needed. I dont think about it very much when Im not there and Im not a Disney fan like some people are but I get excited about going and Im very happy when Im there.

He accepted the invitation and his ticket has been paid for, so he should go with a good grace. He may then find that there are actually things he enjoys there.

Why though, does he seem to be required to spend so much time attached to you and the kids visiting theme parks? Can you not weave in the occasional day of doing something he would enjoy? Or have him agree to spend a number of days with you and the kids and others doing something he wants to do.

I am not a huge fan of theme parks, though there are some in Florida I would be interested in an I would do Disney World with the Dds (wouldn't go on many rides though, too scary for me). DH enjoys them more, though less so now than in years gone by.

Other things I might like to see or do in Florida: Florida Keys, Everglades, Kennedy Space Center etc. Not all necessarily close to Disney World and theme parks, but there are other things to Florida. Otherwise, I might choose to spend the odd day either shopping alone or lounging by the hotel pool, back at the villa etc., just reading my book.

Nobody has to do the theme parks every day, and each can give the other a day or two off from the kids now and then.

So, I am kind of in your DH's camp.

My DH's worst holiday idea too. I would never take him. I don't mind things like this.

I think your DH is very compromising in going half the time.

He didn't really have a choice did he?
2 weeks with his kids on a holiday not of his choosing versus no holiday and staying on his own without the kids. Neither of which appealed particularly.

I'm sure he will be ok when he is there but he can be excused for not being very excited. There is a middle ground to be found. Talk to him op, and agree on compromises so that you all have a great holiday. Then you might find he is a liitle bit more enthusiastic. He is probably envisioning 2 weeks of trailing round with no say in what he wants to do.

He was offered a free holiday and he accepted.

Did he have a choice? A real choice?
No. Because you cant cope with your kids without him. And you have charged ahead all excited because of seeing your kids faces at Disney.

In addition to that, he has to holiday with his inlaws. If there is 12 of you, can you really not manage to look after your own kids while your husband chills at the pool? Must you drag him along everywhere?

You say he rolls his eyes over the plans, but has he been free to suggest things that HE wants to do in Florida?

8 or 9 days out of 14 at a theme park out of 14 would drive both of us potty. I think going with someone else's family is usually harder work as well. My husband only copes with holidays with my family by going off cycling or doing his own thing on some of the days. he's fairly introverted.
I like theme parks more than my husband but wouldn't want more than 50% at theme parks. I accept you have both already agreed to the holiday but he maybe didn't realise he had to come to the theme park every single day everyone else was going if you were a big group. Is there no way he could just do 50% of the theme park days and you get all the other relatives to help look after your kids? If he'd rather be by the pool you'd probably have a better time without him any way. How would you have looked after the kids if he'd said originally he didn't want to go?
Expecting him to be excited about a holiday he wouldn't have chosen himself is unreasonable, expecting him not to mope about and sulk isn't but there is a middle ground between being excited about a holiday and refusing to go on it. I think that's where he is.
He wants to be with you and the kids for 2 weeks. He just doesn't want to spend so much of his holiday in theme parks.

I'm also a bit surprised you didn't know he'd react like this.
I would never expect my husband to be excited about a theme park based holiday with a large group. Our holiday discussions would have been about how we managed the holiday so we all have a nice time.

8plus days in theme parks would just be too much. It'll be roasting hot. A better idea would be to maybe alternate, or have a 5 day break in the middle for other stuff/side trips.

Day 1 travel
Days 2-5 Disney
Days 6-10 other stuff
Days 11-13 Orlando/theme parks

I would never expect my husband to be excited about a theme park based holiday with a large group. Our holiday discussions would have been about how we managed the holiday so we all have a nice time. Exactly. We would suck it up and have fun but it wouldn't be a holiday for us and I wouldn't expect gushy thanks from DH to the family member.

This is why I go on cheap holidays to strange locations. Expensive holidays put a lot of pressure on everyone to think it's 'magical' and be happy 24/7. Getting sick in majority world hell-holes might not be everyone's idea of fun but my expectations are always low and I always have a wonderful time.

Is he always like this on holiday OP ......ditches you and the kids to do his own thing. If yes .......then you shouldn't be surprised -if no then is it more to do with the thought of spending so much time with your extended family ?

I'd be very miffed if my OH wanted half the holiday solo -but I'd have no problem if there were things he wanted to do that we had no interest in .....provided he gave me equal time to do things that are to my taste and more fun child free in return. He seems to think you should be caring for yours (and HIS) kids 100% of the time. Tell him he's welcome to solo time .......equal to the solo time he's giving you whilst HE looks after the kids.

This has nothing to do with Disney and everything to do with a bloke who thinks he has no responsibility to his children and thinks his wife is an unpaid nanny.

It's amazing how often sensitive men get to have time recharging away from their children that women rarely get, however sensitive they are. Because men "need" it.

(It's not amazing at all.)

Two weeks of shitty overpriced theme parks with the inlaws is many a person's worst nightmare, free or not. Poor bloke, surely it's better to compromise and perhaps let the guy do his own thing for some of the time so everyone has a good time?

I think it sounds like he agreed it without thinking through the logistics very much and now it's been shown to him just how much his free holiday is actually costing him in terms of time he's expected to spend in the company of everyone else and also having all the activities pre-planned before he goes.

With the OPs update I have a bit more sympathy for the DH. I don't think I'd fancy a holiday where every day was dictated months in advance and you had to stick together as a group of 12 as you made your way round the theme park.

We liked Florida, but one of the things I particularly liked was our ability as a family of 3 to flex plans, so we did two visits to the Magic Kingdom as we enjoyed it so much, but cut our visit to Hollywood Studios short because we had had a character breakfast first so it was rammed when we got there.

Also as a family of 3 it was easy for us to mobilise and get to the parks for opening times thus avoiding long queues. Less easy if there is a minibus full of folks to get up.

Am loving these men though that need at least two full days cycling to alleviate the stress of a nuclear family holiday. Although I must admit I do treasure my day alone when DH and DS go to the water park, I wouldn't expect or demand it on a family holiday.

We are going for 2 weeks. The current plans are to spend 60% of the holiday doing Disney and theme park stuff

Not sure I could muster up the enthusiasm for that either.

ArcheryAnnie yy it's funny how the OP is supposed to be grateful for her DH deigning to jointly parent for half the holiday because diddums wants to relax by the pool. But hey he's a man and it's not his perfect all-expenses paid holiday so obviously that trumps pulling his weight

Can he not stay at home?

I wouldn't let him come as it's clear he is going to have a negative effect on the rest of the travellers and that's not fair.

Tbh he sounds like a massive baby, he didn't want to be left out but is going to sulk and let every see because it wasn't something he picked himself.

He needs to bore off big time

No one forced this misrable fucker to say yes.

ArcheryAnnie yy it's funny how the OP is supposed to be grateful for her DH deigning to jointly parent for half the holiday because diddums wants to relax by the pool. But hey he's a man and it's not his perfect all-expenses paid holiday so obviously that trumps pulling his weight hmm

Poor dh. He may be absolutely fine doing 50/50 during a normal family holiday that he has had a say in. This is an unusual situation and I can't blame him for feeling uneasy having no say.

Primal - not a huge surprise to the DH that a trip to Florida would involve a high percentage of time at theme parks I would have imagined .

Having been I'm slightly dubious about those people that choose to go and then don't do the parks as unless you're planning a crazy golf championship your cup doesn't exactly runneth over with things that you couldn't do with a shorter flight or more successfully elsewhere.

As I say I do have sympathy with the DH for the "hemmed in" nature of the proposal. All the successful group holidays I have had, involve an element of independence and I'd get slightly angsty myself if my every holiday day was being coordinated for me.

He's being an ungrateful twat. He was asked before things were booked, said yes and now we are now envisaging a face of a man of a cats arse chewing a wasp. He should have asked about plans before saying yes if he has that much of a problem. Plus a man who claims he will kiss his children too much seems fine in not seeing them most of the day to sunbathe at a hotel.

How was this sold to the DH, I would bet money that it wasn't

"Do you want a free holiday to Disneyland Florida?"

It was more "Do you want a free holiday to Florida?".

the second being a damn site more appealing than the first.

I also wonder if the 50% is 50% of the total holiday or 50% of the theme parks.