seperate accounts..... grief.

[PancakesAndMapleSyrup]

Ive just been reading a thread about GHDs and all that popped out to me is how many people on MN were horrified/chastizied (sp?) about why when you are married you should have joint accounts. I personally think this is mad. What on earth is wrong with having seperate accounts when you are married? Im a SAHM and there is No bloody way i would share a joint account. Ppl saying its childish etc wtf? Why Aibu?!?

It's whatever works for the couple imo.

DH and I have a joint account, everything comes out of that like food, bills, mortgage etc. I work PT now and my small wage goes into a seperate account in my name. I use this to save for things like holiday spending money or things we need for the house. It's still our money though, it's just if it's in the main account it tends to end up vanishing into the ether

Works for us and has done for 20 years.

Easy for you to say OP, if you are a SAHM but have your own income. Don't you think you might have a different opinion if you didn't have your own income? Your own account doesn't help you much if you have no income and himself has all the money in his own account. What do you do then?

I've been married for a long time and we manage perfectly well without a joint account. I am always amused when people insist you "must" have a joint account. We talk about money, plan what we are buying/saving for etc. Having separate accounts works for us.

Hodooooooooor, when I haven't had an income my husband has put money in my account by a direct debit, money went in every month and was enough to cover the direct debits I pay plus money for food, he doesn't do shopping, and enough for me to have "me" money. We pay bills on a bit of an ad hoc basis, for example I pay council tax and he pay gas and electric. It probably works out about even but it doesn't matter as if one of us is short the other pays for things or transfers some money.

Agree with pearlymum. But implicitly trust Dh and neither of us would have the patience for spreadsheets or deadly dull conversations about who pays for what.

Hodooooooooor, when I haven't had an income my husband has put money in my account by a direct debit, money went in every month

And if he suddenly decided not to? Or if he decided to leave you?

Lots of different set ups work for people, whatever floats your boat. But you have to be a fool to not understand why many married women prefer a joint account.

If he decided not to? Or to leave you?

Then I have my own money, in my own account.

You'd have to be a fool to not understand why many (married) women don't prefer a joint account.

when I haven't had an income my husband has put money in my account by a direct debit, money went in every month and was enough to cover the direct debits I pay plus money for food, he doesn't do shopping, and enough for me to have "me" money. We pay bills on a bit of an ad hoc basis, for example I pay council tax and he pay gas and electric. It probably works out about even but it doesn't matter as if one of us is short the other pays for things or transfers some money.

grannytomine, I'm sorry but this sounds mental.

So when you had no income your OH put money into your account, you split the bills, if one of you ran out of money then the other would transfer funds across.

Holy moley. As if life isn;t complicated enough. I really don;t see the point in this paper exercise.

We have separate accounts both take home roughly the same each month.

He pays for stuff. I pay for stuff.

Works for us.

wips - I don't know if you have kids. That can often impact on one parent's ability to earn. Would you still have an even split of bills then?

when I haven't had an income my husband has put money in my account by a direct debit, money went in every month and was enough to cover the direct debits I pay plus money for food, he doesn't do shopping, and enough for me to have "me" money. We pay bills on a bit of an ad hoc basis, for example I pay council tax and he pay gas and electric. It probably works out about even but it doesn't matter as if one of us is short the other pays for things or transfers some money.

😳

Great if that works for you. But what a faff...

Wips - I'm with you.

And yes pearly I do have kids, and no, it didn't affect our financial arrangements at all.

We do help each other out if necessary - with no fuss and no paperwork burden. it goes like this:
"Aaoogra: Hey love I had to pay out for car repairs this month - can you spot me £100 quid as I am a bit sort before pay day." DP: "Sure love (gets cash from cash point) here you go." Aaoogra: "cheers love".

We both contribute roughly the same to the household each month (mortgage, bills, food, school stuff etc). There is no fuss - if one month I spend more (we eat out loads and I choose to pick up more of the bills for example) then so be it. No biggie.

We don't tally, we don't spreadsheet, there is no hand wringing and debate over bills, we just exist together financially in a happy give and take. We each choose what we pay for and if one of us is short we say so and the other picks it up.

should have made it clear - we have separate finances...

Its never been a faff - if it was we would change the arrangement as am terminally lazy and couldn't be doing with the hassle!

In fact this way is far less faff as I just do what I want!

We have one pot. Used to be separate but over time it got easier to just have one account. IME it works if you both have very similar attitudes to spending - which we do. So there isn't any aggro or upset about 'big' purchases because we don't tend to spend like that anyway. If we had different approaches to money then I would stick with separate accounts.

As Katein says it's not a good idea to share if you don't agree on money matters. Or if one of you takes money out without ever discussing it.
However, we have joint accounts simply because it saves a lot of trouble if one of us is hospitalised or dies. Unfortunately, I have encountered enough difficulties within the family and friends who have had to send wills to probate in order to gain access to their husband's or wives money. At a time which is stressful and difficult you can avoid banks closing down accounts etc and legal procedures. If you have a joint account the money is considered to belong to both of you.

We are parents of a small child. Nobody's ability to earn has been impacted. DH has a 9-5 job. I have a fulfilling career that involves travel and gives me a senior management type of flexibility and control over my hours. So it's a specific case - and seperate finances work with us perfectly. We are in italy now for my work and DH has taken off to come with us to look after baby while I work and we each withdrew equal amount of euros from our accounts before getting here. Not a hitch ever

We do exactly the same as waitingforsomething*. All money goes into one account and we each have £200 a month to spend.

£300 a month is saved - £100 each for me, OH and son.

A joint account is also better if you gift money away e.g. to your child. If you have a joint account your £3000 limit can be combined. With separate accounts they can not be combined and so one might be wasted if one person were to gift more than the other and not survive 7 years.

watchingdallas- that's great for you. But you are living in a dream world if you think that you are typical of most women.

watching So your husband has taken time off work in order to move countries and take care of Dc so that you can work?

But he still has to pay exactly 50% of the bills?

We have a joint account and separate accounts. I wouldn't operate on just a joint account - it works for us, if one banking computer network goes down we should still be able to access cash, and I get my own choice of bank (I like online banking, my husband is a bit of a luddite about it - not a problem because we can both choose our own bank account).

We both work, we both pay money into the joint account, but we get paid into our own accounts. I think even if one of us didn't work we'd want our own accounts, we'd just have to change how the money was spread about.

I don't think there's a right or wrong.
We share everything and it works well for us. I earn slightly more but it's irrelevant as when the kids were little he earned more while I worked part time. We talk about money and spending but nothing is 'mine' or 'his'.
Wedding vow "all that I have I share with you". Although I'd not judge a couple for doing it differently as long as it works for them.

Just seen this from Pearlylum yesterday

-permanent

-I always find these sorts of comments odd. Is it really difficult to understand? We talk, that's how it works. "Do you fancy going to [name of restaurant] tonight?" "Can do but I haven't got much in my account this week." "That's OK, I'll pay". Swanky holiday? We talk about where we want to go, how much it will be, and who can pay what. Having separate accounts doesn't mean you can't or don't buy things for your partner.

-Just far too complicated. Especially when you have kids.

-My late husband was like this, everything split down the middle. We had no children, and he earned a lot more than me.
-He was always having to dumb down plans to suit my pocket, while I was running up credit card debts to keep up with his spending.
-I remember booking an exotic trip abroad, we went to buy sturdy luggage ( lots of jeep and boat transport)
-I had to buy mine at Poundstretchers for a rucksack as it was all I could afford, then we went to a good outdoor shop where he bought himself £800 worth of all terrain sturdy bags.

-I found all that quite unpleasant.

Blimey, love, I'd find that unpleasant as well. What a wanker! You obviously haven't understood what I said though. My point is that separate accounts don't result in that sort of twattish behavior, unless you're unfortunately married to one. Our money is all family money. It's just held in two separate accounts. It's not in the slightest bit complicated, not before we had children and not for the 14 years since we've had children. Because we talk and share and love each other. This bizarre scenario where one person gets to afford things the other partner can't isn't the result of separate accounts. It's the result of a lack of love and respect within a relationship.

Joint accounts, separate accounts? It's all just horses for courses. Both work equally well as long as the relationship is based on love, respect, and trust.

Permanent, I did understand what you said.

I cited my example of how separate accounts can result in a power imbalance.
If there is an earning disparity and one partner is topping up another's account, that's the bit I don't get, they money is being shared anyway. As is illustrated by grannytome's arrangement it becomes a paper exercise.

With nearly half of adult women working part time in the UK the case of a man earning more is a common scenario, I just don't see why that means he should have more disposable income than his partner, and if he is sharing that, then why not just joint accounts? Why the need to ringfence at all?

Separate accounts don't result in a power imbalance. The power imbalance is caused by the individuals in the relationship (one of them at least). If somone wants to behave like that, they will, regardless of what banking arrangement they have. It's a fallacy to think a joint account will make things equal.

We don't top up each other's accounts, regardless of who is earning what. Whoever has the money to pay for stuff does. Neither has noticeably more disposable income than the other. Nothing is ringfenced. We share. A bit like sharing the meal we've just cooked without actually having to eat from the same plate.