seperate accounts..... grief.

[PancakesAndMapleSyrup]

Ive just been reading a thread about GHDs and all that popped out to me is how many people on MN were horrified/chastizied (sp?) about why when you are married you should have joint accounts. I personally think this is mad. What on earth is wrong with having seperate accounts when you are married? Im a SAHM and there is No bloody way i would share a joint account. Ppl saying its childish etc wtf? Why Aibu?!?

KERALA good info will get onto it and look into that. I defo trust DH to look after my interests if vunerable etc just not financially. As i said hes a sieve! I used to be the high earner but this income allowed me to stay at home instead period so why not?! However re your last paragraph in how could you be with someone/marry/distrust its because in my case I love him all the good bits and (not so much his foibles) however we all have them! However that dosent mean he is getting away with not contributing as he works as do I but at home/children/financials/upkeep etc. But i have no clue what he spends his money on (neither does he unless he has something in his hands to show it!) Dh is just like "oh why am I £150 short? So i have to point his statements out to him. Doh.

You could put someone else in as an attorney alongside your Dh if he really struggles managing money? You can use professional trustees yes you will have to pay but at least you know your affairs will be properly managed. Maybe worth it if for larger estate and a Dh you cannot rely on. Most people pick spouse or adult dc / friends though.

Each to their own just personally seems odd to me when spouses with shared Dc and houses bicker about who pays for what. Life's too short! Childcare often seems to come solely out of the woman's share too...also if you split whose account is whose is pretty much irrelevant if you are married so seems abit futile unless one genuinely fritters and needs to be controlled - which puts the controller in awkward parent like position.

My Dad was very responsible with money. My DH is, too.

Therefore, a joint account would never cause me to 😱 or have heart palpitations in any way.

We had separate accounts when first married. Then DC came along and we emigrated when they were very young. I was at home with them for a while, and setting up a single, joint account seemed like the logical thing to do. We both now work, and continue with the joint account, as one paying for some stuff, and the other paying for other stuff seems silly, when it's all one family pot of money, anyway.

We have separate accounts - at the moment. It drives DH mad but I'm quite happy. I was going to be added to his account before we married but his bank had an absolute fit at my credit rating, due to XHs debt, all mine was paid off and I had £xxxxs in savings but all they could see was a big fat red flag.

Now we're married, he wants me to join his bank again, not sure I could cope with the hassle of being turned down again.

I can see why joint accounts may work if both partners are earning a similar amount, but so often in a relationship with kids one parent's career has to take a back seat and may never recover the same earning power ) usually the woman).
Before kids OH and I both had jobs that involved long hours, often unpredictable, working late or early with no notice, lots of travel for days or even weeks at a time.
Totally incompatable with having kids. I gave up my career ( he had better long term prospects) to become a SAHM.
His job flourished and so did the kids, they are teenegers now, but still need a lot of input ( for example DD dances 18 hours a week ) so I am on constant taxi service from 3.30 onwards.
I do earn, but only half of what OH does. He has been home for 4 nights in the past 3 weeks.
I would see it as grossly unfair if he was able to keep most of his salary for jollies while I am holding the fort and making sure the kids are cared for and happy.
He can only do his job and be a parent because of me.
Thankfully he is aware of this and is grateful for the hard work I do even though it is unpaid.
I have free access to our family money. All his salary is paid into a joint account and he never questions my spending. I will often replace white goods, buy a washing machine for instance and hardly think to mention it to him.

Effort put into running a family can't always be measured financially.

We have a joint account for bills and child related expenses and then our own accounts for everything else. Payments into the joint a/c cover all the expenses by direct debit from our own accounts.

We have the same amount left over each month for spending after payments to the joint a/c.

Holidays we agree and discuss and each pay an element, eg I'll pay flights and DH accommodation. It helps though that while I earn less than DH, I still earn a lot!

Savings are divided between us in separate accounts.

So if you have one joint account, how do you manage to buy each other Christmas/birthday presents without the other one knowing what you've bought and how much it cost? How can you ever do 'surprises'?

Credit card laConnerie.

Cash leconnerie
And we normally have a budget so I know exactly what he spends

LaConnerie yes, cash, credit card, paypal or debit card.
I buy most stuff online anyway with credit card.

We don't do each other big christmas "surprises". Gifts to each other are low key, we don't do "stuff".

I wonder if that is an element to this. OH and I are not into consumer goods. I don't do jewellery or perfume or posh labels, handbags and shoes do nothing for me. OH is the same. We dress from charity shops or clothing ranges at supermarkets and neither of us have a Starbucks or magazine habit.

OH likes the odd gadget but his work supplies these, phone, tablet, laptop, etc and I am happy with his cast offs.

If I loved jimmy choos or my OH had an expensive photography hobby then I could see there may be areas on conflict.
But we don't and so there is never any resentment about each others spending habits. We save a lot and our pleasures are simple.
OH is happy with a nice bottle of port at christmas time and I love very practical things. Token gestures only.

We are the same pearly
We don't do big surprises
We normally just get what the other asks for

Maybe it's an age thing.
Of course we buy lovely gifts for the kids, things that they are delighted with and we know they want, but it's very rare that OH and I can even think of anything that we would like.
Christmas is big in our house, we get a real tree ( friend has a farm and gives us one from his property) and I love to decorate the house, often with homemade decorations or stuff cheaply bought. We eat like kings.
Oh and I buy each other very small token things, if he spent hundreds of pounds on a bracelet for me I wouldn't be happy as I know it would sit in a drawer.

I think if you earn about the same (which we do) and just agree who pays what in one conversation up front when you move in together (or have a LO or buy a house - whatever comes first) then separate finances works well.

We have had joint accounts for 10 years since we moved in together and had DS.

I love being able to fritter away my wages on giggle cream and fanny packs with no-one to answer to but myself (after I have fed DS and paid his school a fortune every month of course! Sigh)

Each to their own I say - I can see how if there is a split in earning power in the family then a joint account works best - means that one person is not having to ask for money all the time!

We like it our way, similarly we are not married either.

permanent

I always find these sorts of comments odd. Is it really difficult to understand? We talk, that's how it works. "Do you fancy going to [name of restaurant] tonight?" "Can do but I haven't got much in my account this week." "That's OK, I'll pay". Swanky holiday? We talk about where we want to go, how much it will be, and who can pay what. Having separate accounts doesn't mean you can't or don't buy things for your partner.

Just far too complicated. Especially when you have kids.

My late husband was like this, everything split down the middle. We had no children, and he earned a lot more than me.
He was always having to dumb down plans to suit my pocket, while I was running up credit card debts to keep up with his spending.
I remember booking an exotic trip abroad, we went to buy sturdy luggage ( lots of jeep and boat transport)
I had to buy mine at Poundstretchers for a rucksack as it was all I could afford, then we went to a good outdoor shop where he bought himself £800 worth of all terrain sturdy bags.

I found all that quite unpleasant.

Maybe it's an age thing and about how much you like to spend then.

Dh and I go a bit nuts with presents and surprises for each other, xmas, birthdays, anniversaries etc. I can't imagine discussing budgets for presents, it would spoil it somehow. Maybe we both need to grow up

We also have individual interests that we spend a fair amount on - and I have an addiction to shoes and handbags. I just like the fact that my account is my money - so I don't have to worry about if what I'm buying is fair or justified.

So yes, it's confirmed my suspicions.
I don't have a shoe or bag "addiction". My OH and I love spoiling each other but we don't do it with material possessions.

Do be aware, pancakes, that on divorce no matter whose name money is in it is divided. (If you are married). On my divorce my ex husband got all my life savings and all my shares. Those were in my name. Divorce law is unjust. So if you want to avoid it just live together and don't marry.

We have separate accounts but may as well have a joint account. He broke his card a while back and hasn't got a replacement so we just use mine. His account is mainly for bills now and mine is for food shopping etc, we're forever transferring money back and forth between accounts, the joys of online banking.

Pearly, that sounds really horrible. How on earth did he justify that?

No idea why sexier are accounts us wrong if you've got equal incomes. We do. 50:50 income split. Hint account that fills and empties monthly to cover household and bills. Rest up to us as individuals. I save tons. He saves less. Won't ever give up my own account.

Sahp on the other hand? Dunno...

Haha! Sexier? Seperate*!!!

Imperial he justified that because he earned twice what I did. Is this not a natural consequence of having separate accounts?

What if one partner is earning £100K and the other earning £15K?
Do they have to live is a very small home so the person on the lower wage can afford half the mortgage?
Surely the one earning £100K may feel a bit miffed at a camping holiday in the UK rather than going to the Maldives?

from my own perspective i have a racecar to build i need to have my own money.

We share everything, we do have a few bits in separate names for tax reasons but both know each other's passwords etc and wherever possible are authorised signatories on those assents that the other one 'owns' so we can both administer everything.
Doesn't even enter my head about who earns / owns what, it's just ours.