seperate accounts..... grief.

[PancakesAndMapleSyrup]

Ive just been reading a thread about GHDs and all that popped out to me is how many people on MN were horrified/chastizied (sp?) about why when you are married you should have joint accounts. I personally think this is mad. What on earth is wrong with having seperate accounts when you are married? Im a SAHM and there is No bloody way i would share a joint account. Ppl saying its childish etc wtf? Why Aibu?!?

As PP to me it's about sharing and being a team. I'm not married but me and DP own a house and have a baby. When we bought the house DP suggested to out all our money together. He is higher earner. Have a joint account for bills, one for food/sundries/household bits and bobs, and then each have our own accounts for our "pocket money"! We each have a couple of hundred a month for clothes and hobbies and personal things to spend as we like. I'm on mat leave at the moment and glad I don't have to ask him for money to buy nappies as some folk seem to have to. Any big purchases discussed. Always feels fair and never been an issue. Both quite good with money, like to save, keep track, get thrifty. But that's just what works for us.

We have separate accounts plus a joint account into which we each transfer a proportion of money to cover mortgage, bills and food. I tend to pay for all other household expenses / meals out / stuff for child / nursery fees / pay joint loan as I have substantially more left after bills than my DH. We both work but I earn 4x his salary. My work is longer hours and incredibly stressful. I studied for many years to get where I am and sacrificed holidays, sleep and sanity for it. Conversely my DH chose not to study, went on lots of holidays in his youth and doesn't work hard, he tends to take the easy option. I still do more of the household stuff despite working longer hours. Why should I not have more disposable income after bills? It works for us and we are both happy with this.

I;m not married but we have a joint account. We work as a team and we have family money. OH earns a lot more than me but her wouldn't be able to do so if it weren't for me. He is often away with work for 4 or 5 days at a stretch. I do most of the kids/household stuff I also handle our finances.
I work part time, but overall put in equal effort towards running our home and family.
It just so happens that his effort if more financially rewarding than mine.
Separate accounts and him holding on to the lions share of the money would be unfair. My efforts are equally important.

We have a joint account for bills and savings. And then what's left (same amount of money) goes in our own accounts.

I like having my own money to spend or save as I please. I don't have to check what's available etc.

It works for us. I think because neither of us are tight. If we are away I might buy coffees and dh pay for the tube for example. We don't organise it so it's 50:50 exactly but burden the costs together. Neither of us wants the other paying for everything and are quite relaxed about it all.

We have a joint current account, 2 joint savings accounts, a joint mortgage and a joint credit card account
W don't have any separate accounts
It works for us, and has done for 30 years

So if you have separate accounts then who pays for a meal out- do you split the bill? Work out who had a pudding/glass of wine etc?

Have always been curious about what people class as a 'big purchase' from a joint account that needs to be discussed.

PurpleDaisies "If it was a big purchase (over £500-£1000) we'd talk about it first" we work on the rule that it's anything non essential over £50! We both have saving more than spending tendencies though (DP more naturally than me )

I should add that DP transfers himself a set amount from the joint account every month but I don't (any longer) - when I did, I spent it just because I had it! I find using the joint account for all my spending means I think twice about personal purchases which nine times out of 10 I don't need anyway.

Whether your money is in a joint account or separate accounts, the fortune of one of you will impact on the other if you are in a partnership together - you can never fully insulate yourself from your partner's financial stupidity unless you are financially extremely controlling. It depends how much you trust and respect each other, really. If your partner is no good with money and happy with separate accounts, then fair enough. If you both have similar attitudes to spending and saving and trust and respect each other, then having a joint account makes sense. Most people also have separate savings in their own names, but it is much easier to have the money for spending in a joint account if you live with someone with similar attitudes whom you trust. Otherwise every expense would be a pain in the backside to co-ordinate.

With the exception of one savings account I have completely separate finances from DH and we have separate properties, although we live in his. I think this is quite normal, as we were both adults when we met. It makes filling in our tax returns easier. If either of us isn't working we send a monthly payment through Internet banking to the other. I tend not to mention it IRL because you tend to get the look!

If you have a fair and equitable marriage then joint or separate doesn't matter. In our case we have joint account. I earn around double what my husband does but I see it all as family money. Couldn't be bothered with some complicated arrangement where one person is paying certain expenses or calculating a relative proportion of bills.

However, I think where people get worried over separate accounts is that it is very convenient for the financially abusive. The typical scenario in these threads is a woman who is SAHM or very low earning with a high earning partner. He gives her a small amount of money from which she buys food, all the children's expenses and her own then criticises her spending. There have been women on here who post about struggling to afford a winter coat for their child when their DH is on 100k, too afraid to ask for more. Separate accounts allow the abuser to keep her in the dark and keep tight control. Yes abuse could happen with joint accounts but this scenario seems to play out so often.

In the nicest possible way why would you care what a bunch of Internet strangers think about your financial setup???

Do what is right for you and your circumstances. There isn't a one size fits all in life.

I sense your bafflement at the viewpoint, but these sort of threads make me chuckle!!

The poster who mentioned the partner lacking mental capacity does have a point though, so it is a good idea to have some joint money to cover joint bills. Obviously if there isn't a lot of joint money that might have to be in one account.

We have separate accounts. We both have overdrafts and to make a joint account we'd need to clear those first and right now they're not a priority financially.

We pretty much earn similar amount although DH earns a couple hundred more. We do have a joint account mainly which I use but I also have a seperate account but we just pay set bills. I tend to be more sensible with money so I do like to keep mine seperate.DH will give me money to keep for him for Christmas so he's not tempted to spend it. I have more willpower.

We have everything in joint names.i read when i got married thst having joint finances caused a lot less rows and we are celebrating our silver wedding in august.
I earn a lot less than dh.

Pancakes- I hope you have legal advice on your set up. Because as you are married, your private income would very much be counted as marital income in the case of a divorce and your dh could have a very god case to expect maintenance from you.

The whole legal basis of marriage is that all assets are shared. I can't honestly understand why anyone would enter into that arrangement with someone who they didn't trust financially.

It's not the joint account that's the issue IMO, it's how all the incoming money is shared out between the two and to cover bills.

We have 3 accounts; a joint and a separate each. All bills, mortgage, food etc comes out of the joint and what is left from our shared income is split in half into our two separate accounts, from which we can spend/save as we please from.

That's fair.

And it's easier to keep track of.

We have separate accounts and a joint account for bills. It works for us.

DH and I have separate accounts it suits us, but it wouldn't suit others. Depends on attitutudes to money, any past debts, property ownership, spending etc

We have a joint account for almost everything and individual accounts with about £200-300 in that we use for lunches at work, presents for each other etc. My husband just keeps an eye on the balance and tops it up as necessary.

I'm also interested how you pay for meals out, days out etc. Do you pay half or owe each other?

We have a joint account and everything we have is "ours". When we were first married DH was not working for several years and I supported him. When we started our family DH supported me for 15 years. I now work part time and he earns six times what I do. All money is still joint EXCEPT for savings which are totally in my name so that he didn't have to pay 40% tax on the interest. Personally I can't understand how people who share their lives can operate finances separately but each to their own.

Me and dp have separate bank accounts and probably always will. When my parents split, my mom was left financially with nothing. I won't ever be in that position and I will encourage my kids to do the same.

Me and DH have a joint account and separate accounts.

Both our wages get paid into the joint account and from that we then each take out £400 and put it into our own individual account.

All the household bills, mobile phone bills, petrol costs, food shopping, childcare fees, trips out, car tax/MOT, Christmas and birthday presents for family, any meals out, anything to do with DS etc comes out of the joint account.

Anything we want to do on a personal level comes out of our individual account. For example DH likes to spend some of his money on football season tickets, playing golf, going to the gym etc whereas I spend my money on nights out with my friends, beauty treatments, my car etc.

It works for us as we know all the basic costs of living as a family are shared from the joint account but we also have our own money each month to spend as we wish.

We have separate accounts. Married 25+ years. Op if that's what you prefer no need to change . It's all our money.