To be angry/upset about FB 'congrats'

[44PumpLane]

I know in the grand scheme of life it's not a big deal, and if this is the biggest thing in life I have to worry about I'm hugely fortunate.

However, I'm upset and angry that when I popped on FB last night, two acquaintances had posted their congratulations on my pregnancy!

My husband and I only use our FB pages to keep up with friends and family around the country/world. We don't have relationship statuses on there, we don't post lots of pictures of our lives- we are in the process of telling the people we want to know that we are pregnant but we were never intending to put it on FB.

An old family friend and the mother of a friend posted last night- luckily near midnight so very few people would have seen. I've shut down my FB account for the time being- but who does that?!? I mean really?!? There is literally nothing on the page insinuating anything is going on in my life- if you truly want to congratulate me them PM me!

I feel so angry and upset to think some family who we've not yet told may see it. Plus it's our bloody news to tell!!! Grrr!

Sorry just needed to rant!

I hid my Facebook page temporarily till I had told everyone I wanted to tell personally. Yes, it is annoying that they posted but you really should have either told people not to post or taken down your social media if you were that worried about it. I am sure they meant no harm.

I just don't 'get' it. I don't feel that way about anything

You don't get that the OP may want to hear or see another person's reaction to her news?

I could tell you how people reacted to my news because we told them personally. It's part of being pregnant - or what ever news you want to share.

A FB status doesn't do that - especially when it's not your news ro share

If you join FB again change your settings so that if anyone tags you, mentions you or tries to write on your wall then you are notified. Me and DH have both done this for my current pregnancy has we want to be in control of what is said and when. My sister had a similar thing to you although her 'friend' posted pictures of her on fb and said 'I can't believe she is pregnant - look how amazing she looks!' Nice compliment but my sister hadn't told her friends and some family since she lives in Italy. Anyway - moral of the story - up your security and nothing will get past you!

If it's out on the grapevine and people are hearing that you haven't told, I'd assume it's public...FB is just more immediate than "ooh did you hear 44 is pregnant".

If I heard a friend I only keep in touch with through FB was pregnant I'd post congrats on FB. She's obviously told people and it's not a secret.

So you tell people, and tell them to keep it quiet until you've told everyone else. If you don't they will tell A, and B, and C, and so on until everyone knows and it might as well be on Facebook, and people who don't know you well but wish you the best will post.

For some codyking. That's my point. Not everyone feels that way. I've had three kids (in the days before facebook) and wasn't fussed who told people I was pregnant (or had had the child) & didn't need to see people's reactions.

I understand that for others telling people their news is a big thing - but it's not something I've ever felt myself about anything.

I AM AWARE A MAN HAS NO WOMB AND IS THEREFORE UNABLE TO GESTATE OR BIRTH A CHILD. Better?

And you wonder why some of us think you're overreacting?

Badgers "And you wonder why some of us think you're overreacting?"

I was simply spelling it out for you as you seemed to have been being purposefully obtuse.

However for the sake of clarification, I'm not "somebody has committed a heinous crime against me" level of upset and angry, I'm "I've been walking around with a hole in the back of my trousers and no one has thought to mention it" upset and angry.

Hope that helps you gauge my level of reaction.

Also, I totally accept that to some I'm overreacting- it's kind of the point of asking the question here. Some also think I'm not overreacting. Live and learn.

Facebook can be a bloody nightmare for this shit.

A few months ago one of my best friends had major complications post delivery and spent a while in intensive care. She is absolutely finer than a fine thing now, baby wonderful etc, but. It was a terrifying time for the family.

Her husband was absolutely rightly seeking a little support from his and her parents but the baby etc weren't being announced until everything was OK/the right time.

Husband's aunt was text a pic by the new grannie and decided in her infinite wisdom to upload the pic to Facebook with a message along the lines of "I'm so happy, look at my amazing new nephew, he's X size, born on X day at X time." She has low security, tagged the new parents in the post and fucking announced their baby to the world

No "mum and baby are doing ok"
Because they fucking weren't. Mum was still unconscious in intensive care.

Having know aforementioned aunt I pointed out how inappropriate she was and she eventually (after 8 hours) deleted the pic. She will never be forgiven. By anyone.

FWIW OP, learning curve for you. My friend's experience was a learning curve for me about how bloody selfish and stupid people can be. Your account is deleted for now so everything is invisible. If people post on your page you can delete it and leave no trace.
You can then private message the individuals and say "we are not public yet, we are still announcing to friends, thank you for your excitement but shhhhhh!"
DH and I are currently announcing that I'm pregnant to friends and family. Everyone has been given the disclaimer of "not everyone knows yet" and "we're not putting anything online"

To be honest, we are not putting that we are expecting into the public domain.

We'll just post a pic some time in Dec/Jan along the lines of "hey, look what we got for Christmas"

Anything to avoid "have you popped yet" from random strangers.

YANBU- this would annoy me too. I recently found out a relative had died on Facebook. A neighbour sent a message to my Dad to say he was sorry to hear X had died and was sad to see the Hearse in the estate. This was about 30 mins after she had been found dead, my parents hadn't gotten around to telling us as they had been the ones to find her and everything was very dramatic. I thought it was such a strange thing to do.

It was annoying of them to post on Facebook like that when they should have seen that you hadn't advertised it on Facebook, yourself. However, if your Aunt is that sensitive about being the last to know and is on Facebook herself, you could have messaged her to let her know. Otherwise, she is going to be the last to know, whether or not that is apparent from Facebook, and she will find that out, anyway, when she gets home and talks to friends who knew from someone else already.... Facebook just advertises the slight, rather than causing it!

If you have kept it off facebook then so should others. It is as simple and obvious as that. You communicate with someone in the same way they communicate with you.

I had a similar thing. Arranged a holiday to visit my family in my hometown and spoke to a few key people regarding dates. I would have never put it on facebook. But one of these key people posted on fb how much they were looking forward to my visit. All nice words but how strange to take a private conversation so public.

my fil passed away at 8am 2 years ago. by 9am his son (my bil who is a twat) had it posted on fb and nephew who was in secondary school learned he had passed by friends who had phones on school.

i had and still have no words for this twat!

I wouldn't like this at all either. I think most people would assume they shouldn't go shouting your news out as you might want to tell people yourself. However, if you like these people and want to remain friends then you need to overlook it as they seem to have been well-meaning.

I agree arse. Bloody awful.

I agree too arse

I have news for all the posters who seem to think you somehow change into an alien being on your 45 th birthday- you don't, you feel exactly the same as in your 20's so it's highly insulting to be told you can't use something as simple as Facebook ' because of your age.'

It says an awful lot about you if you think ' old people' are different somehow, what on earth are you thinking? We have a few more years on the clock, more life experience and a few more crows feet but that is IT.

Ah that would be unacceptable arse but age? That's fair game it appears.

I'd be fuming. Apart from parents (at 6 weeks) and then siblings (at 14 weeks), dh and I told no one else and those that did know where told not to tell anyone else or put anything on Facebook. I was more relaxed and told other people after the 20 week scan but still didn't announce anything on Facebook. I also stopped people being able to write on my wall and set up approved required for being tagged. Same when ds was born.

Haven't read through all the posts (which look like they've gone off on a tangent) but OP yanbu!! I cringe when I see someone outing someone's pregnancy on FB before they have put anything themselves. Sorry but it's common sense, if someone had clearly not mentioned their pregnancy on their page, who are you to announce it! My friend has just had 2 miscarriages in a row at 15 and 18 weeks. She didn't mention either of them on FB and thankfully no one else did but this is one of the reasons not everyone announces their pregnancy after the 12 week scan.

They say, you can't control all the people; all of the time. Lesson learned I guess. Everyone has one person they tell things to and so on and so on.

You can say what you like in regards to me, we etc. It's your pregnacy. The "we" means a couple, so lots of people say it. I wouldn't edit it, but then I'm old so I'm less worried about what others think.