School favouring daddy's day!!

[WhereIsMyMothersDay]

So school (private) tomorrow has a special morning for daddy and son at 7:30am to have a special breakfast together early enough so that daddy goes to work!
The Friday before Mother's Day they had a special 'lunch' with mummy and boy as obviously mummies don't work!!!
It was super hard for me to take time off work and teachers gave me a funny look when I'd asked if all mummies were coming
Obviously though tomorrow daddies don't have to take time off as its early breakfast
AIBU to be bloody annoyed?

Whereismymothersday. It does piss me off mother's aren't invited in. Especially sad for the working mums. No I haven't asked. I suppose it's because mother's come and help out at swimming and reading and such like. But none of that is to spend time having fun with the children. It's a state school. The headmaster is good for the interest of the school globally and it's a really good school - otherwise DD wouldn't be there. But he isn't interested at a grass roots level so I don't see the point.

Possible that after the Mother's Day lunch it was pointed out that it wasn't convenient timing and so decision made from this point on to do a breakfast?

Because I actually find it hard to believe (and in not doubting you personally) that any member of staff at the school honestly thinks That mothers don't work and have buckets of time.

yep, I'd do the same if required. When dd was at primary we had lots of events where it was poss for me to go and not her mother. I'd go as the only dad among lots of mums. We managed and got a long fine.

yes I'm being serious. It's to do with basic earning powers to pay for private education. There is a sex pay gap and the higher one goes upward the more gap there is

Many, many privately educated children's parents both work so it's an incorrect generalisation. Even if the dad is the higher earner, that does not mean that a working mother can drop her (possibly lower paid) job to swan off for a school lunch. Lots of people have pointed out that it doesn't necessarily suit a SAHM to go into school in the middle of the day so there is no reason why they couldn't do a breakfast thing for mums too. It's also the explanation 'most mummies don't work' that's beyond the pale too.

See I would think that a 7.30 breakfast for "mummy" is a bit ridiculous. Lots of mums are looking after a younger sibling in the day - good luck getting in for that time in a state you'd be willing to be seen in! Lunch sounds far more appropriate.

Mums roles aren't so clearly defined because we're awesome and diverse. We work, we stay at home, we have babies and toddlers and young kids. I don't want to rule out dads doing all these things but mostly they work and so 7.30 makes sense. I'm sure the SAHDads would be pissed off at a 7.30 breakfast though!!

Well, specifically on this case the OP indicates the measure reflects the demograph.

Generally, on an extensive survey of two cases I know of....both cases of children in private education have a SAHM and a dad working full time.
Maybe the OPs case is anomalous.
Yes of course it's assumptive and seemingly discriminatory. But once one enters the private field these unpleasant nuances will become plain.

Of course it's sexist.

The assumption that the fathers will be doing important work during the day while the mother's can just drop everything to come in to school for lunch does sound annoying.

Obviously I have no idea what the demographic of OP's particular school is like, but, given the cost of private schools, then in general in the private sector compared to the state sector, you'd surely expect a higher proportion of families where both parents work?

Plus, even if they do have lots of SAHMs, having a special breakfast first thing or even special afternoon tea around normal school pick up time would surely be more convenient for most mum's than having to go disrupt their entire day by making a special trip into school for lunch?

Of course it's sexist, why not set up both and ask who wants to do which.

Actually the whole thing is bizarre, I don't know why they are dictating anyone's social life tbh. But to do it this way is just crazy. Why are they so keen to separate men and women anyway?

It's probably experience of what suits.
We have "parent lunch" once a term. I'd say 90% of parents that go are mums. Of those whose dads go, I'd say more than half, the mums are there too. A fair number are working mums.

When they have things straight after drop off, I'd say it was generally 30%-40% dads.

Having talked with other parents we have noticed.

1. Employers are more sympathetic to a mum wanting to go out for children than a dad.
2. First thing in the morning often there are other children to get to nursery/other schools, so both parents have to do one or the other.
3. Mums more often work the school hours than dads. So they find it easier to stretch the lunch time slightly, going back in afterwards, than going in an hour late because then they can't get back for pick up. Dads find it easier to go in an hour late, come home an hour late.
4. More mums work locally, probably due to wanting school hours, so that makes nipping out for lunch possible. If you have a 10 minute commute and an hour for lunch, you can have 40 minutes at school. If you commute 30 minutes that gives you no time in school.

There's lots of funny looks being thrown your way by members of staff.

Are you sure they're giving you funny looks simply because you work?

I mean, they work don't they? And I'm sure some of them will have children

Either way, if you're unhappy then do complain.

Although it might be that if the majority of Mothers aren't working, then lunch suits the majority.

Personally I think it's a silly idea, because it doesn't encourage the children to actually do something for their parents.

MN time the events relate to mothers and fathers day!

Sounds like you're a big fan of private schools ThisPanCan

You are right to be pissed off OP. I'm a working mother and this would hack me right off too.

And I don't see why this being private or state should make any difference whatsoever..?

Stealth, schools still do that? It was bad enough when I was a kid. Looking at school stuff sometimes makes me feel the world hasn't moved on at all. What do they do about the children who don't have that parent?

At our school when they did some thing similar they also said dad, grandads, uncle etc.

But it may be that at this school they're confident they don't have any single parents. A bit like they're confident the mummies don't work.
:o

I'm boggling at the sheer lack of understanding being displayed on this thread, of course it's sexist and pretty damned insulting that the school are creating better options for working fathers than working mothers.

And all of these examples of 'mums find it easier to get time off and work closer to home' is just nonsense. It's nothing to do with mum or dad, it's to do with the way the parents' days are organised. Of course in the spirit of equality the school should offer the same opportunities to mums and dads.

My personal experience is so far from this. My DS isn't in school yet but when he is I will be able to attend a 7.30 breakfast but I will not easily be able to attend a lunch. Because I work fulfill every single one of the 'make' characteristics that have been described on this thread: I work full time, the culture at my work doesn't allow for flexibility regardless of whether you're male or female.

This has made my blood boil- wake up - this stuff matters and you definitely need to raise it with the school. I agree with Worra- likely the school aren't sneering at you as they're all working too.

Finally- I know this happens, we had to reject an excellent preschool nearby because their earliest drop off was 8.45- with the sessions lasting 3 hours. The explanation for the hours was that it allowed mum to drop kids off at school. But it doesn't allow for any parent to arrive at work on time!! The assumption was that a parent was a SAHP.

At my son's nursery they sent out a communication for new children - a sweet little cartoon that explained the nursery day (it's a pre school rather than day care so ends early in the afternoon). Throughout the cartoon it said "Mummy takes me to nursery" and "at home time mummy will come and get me and I can tell her all about my day". Made me feel really guilty and horrible that, in my son's case, it will be the Nanny doing that because I'm at work. I felt like saying something but didn't want to rock the boat

YANBU. When our children were in nursery (full time 8-6 place as of course most working parents use them), Father's Day was celebrated with a bacon butty brekkie for dads and kids. For Mother's Day, it was always a tea at 3pm (because that's when the kids had their snack) and of course if you attend it, it means missing out a few hours of work and taking the kids home early (as opposed to 15min of a bacon butty before work starts).

It annoyed me a lot and I did complain. Nothing happened.

You see similar on here when parents get into lift sharing problems.
"The other mother is a pisstaker"
"She needs to get her kids to school "
Now sometimes it is only the mother who is part of the story, either because she is the acquaintance of the op or because there genuinely isn't a dad about. But not always.

Schools are like shepherds herding sheep though really.

They have to do what's best for the majority.

If the majority of Mums at that school don't work, then they're unlikely to be able to turn up for breakfast at 7.30am, because the chances are they'll have pre-school children to look after.

If they don't want a really poor turnout, it makes sense to have the meal at a time that suits the majority.

When I was a SAHM there's no way I would have been able to sort childcare for my pre-schoolers before 7.30am so I could turn up at school for breakfast.

I'm a sahm/part time worker.
I'd much prefer the lunch.
Dh is a full time woh breadwinner.
He'd prefer the breakfast.

It's the reality for the majority, it isn't sexist, it simply suits the most people this way. They can't please everybody.

Yanbu

But get this: DD's nursery organised a 'daddies day' event (yes they called it that)

... and they sent an email to the wives to ask which date would suit their DHs' diaries best

Despite having all the fathers' email addresses

So not only must daddies day fit in around daddy's work but daddy must not be disturbed by nursery emails and mummy must act as his PA instead!

mini yeah I can see that... Our school's emails go only to mums although they have both emails too

Worra how about mum attends breakfast while dad stays home for half hour with other kids?